Wedding anniversary too close to MIL's birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our wedding anniversary is the same day as my step-mother's birthday. Not a problem.

We don't live near each other so there's no conflict with parties or celebrations. But even if we did, I think it would be fine. How often do you celebrate things on the exact day anyway? Shift plans to the weekend before or after.

You can tell both OP and her MIL are the inflexible types to obsess over THE DAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our wedding anniversary is the same day as my step-mother's birthday. Not a problem.

We don't live near each other so there's no conflict with parties or celebrations. But even if we did, I think it would be fine. How often do you celebrate things on the exact day anyway? Shift plans to the weekend before or after.

You can tell both OP and her MIL are the inflexible types to obsess over THE DAY.

True. I find that strange though, as do others I guess. Especially if you want to out and do something special, get a babysitter, etc. Who wants to do that on a Tuesday? I guess we're just much more flexible, or normal. As you say, they're the inflexible ones.

[Anonymous]

Things are only a big deal if you make them a big deal.

Take MIL out to dinner on her birthday. Which is not the actual same day as your anniversary, right?

Then, go out to dinner with DH the night of your anniversary.

If the actual date of these two events falls on a Tuesday, simply go out the Saturday/Sunday before or after. Simple.

See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Some boundaries are needed. Grandma, your birthday is on Tuesday. Can we stop by this weekend or next? And, BTW, DH should have the conversation with his mother, not you.

OP here, totally agree but unfortunately DH is a mommy's boy so he will do anything for his mom.

Well, that would be a problem no matter what day you married.

I'm sure MIL isn't easy but you need to focus on the real stuff.

[Anonymous]

Cry me a river, OP.

On our first anniversary, DH was out to sea for three weeks. He was deployed for Both our birthdays a year later. On our tenth he was deployed to the Middle East. He missed all our birthdays that year. We managed to celebrate when he returned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either MIL makes to much of a deal about her birthday, or you/DH do, or both.

Either you and DH make too big of a deal about your anniversary, or she does, or both.

Stop acting like Queen for a Day/stop treating her like Queen for a Day, and this non-problem will be solved.

I can't stand grown-ass adults who act like their birthday or anniversary is a big freaking deal. It's not. Milestone birthdays are one thing, but if you are turning 43, have a cupcake and get over yourself. Same deal with anniversaries: 25 or 50 years is momentus, 7 years is not. Go out to dinner and watch as the world keeps turning.

7 years is a milestone. Haven't you heard of the seven year itch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to move DH away from mama's house. A plane ride away would be life changing.

Amen to that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...
I'm totally not spoiled and in fact small celebrations like dinner or movie will make me more than happy.
MIL is a drama queen and it's always about her, even mother's day. She will not acknowledge that I am a mother too and want to spend a special day for myself with my children. She is forever the center of the attention. Also, my DH and I are few days apart so we usually celebrate our birthdays together.
Perhaps, throughout the year I just feel like there isn't a day I feel it's special for me

You claim not to be spoiled, but the underlined examples of your own contradict that.

Most families I know don't take the whole day of Mother's Day for one person. Most have lunch/brunch for Mom and dinner for Grandma or vice versa. Some even celebrate Mother's Day for one the night before. When we are visiting either Grandma or either Grandma is here with us, we pick one meal and celebrate all the mothers. Same with Father's Day. Also, after college, the birthdays are less important. If you can celebrate, you do. If you miss one, be an adult and just realize that it's no longer so important to celebrate your birthday. Milestones, yes, but regular annual birthdays? Only if there isn't anything else.

Also, if you can move your birthday celebration to another day to celebrate with your husband, why can't you move your own Mother's Day celebration with your kids to Saturday and celebrate Mother's Day Sunday with your MIL? Why can't you move your wedding anniversary celebrations to the following weekend and celebrate MIL's birthday when she asks? Basically you are spoiled. You want to do what you want when you want and you want the world to follow. You act like you are the center of the universe and the universe is expected to revolve around you. And you're upset when it doesn't.

Put things in perspective, be flexible, adjust the schedule as needed. There are days before and after each occasion and just because you celebrate Mother's Day on Saturday or your anniversary 4 days afterwards, doesn't make the celebration less important, it just makes you more mature. Right now you are acting childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...
I'm totally not spoiled and in fact small celebrations like dinner or movie will make me more than happy.
MIL is a drama queen and it's always about her, even mother's day. She will not acknowledge that I am a mother too and want to spend a special day for myself with my children. She is forever the center of the attention. Also, my DH and I are few days apart so we usually celebrate our birthdays together.
Perhaps, throughout the year I just feel like there isn't a day I feel it's special for me

You claim not to be spoiled, but the underlined examples of your own contradict that.

Most families I know don't take the whole day of Mother's Day for one person. Most have lunch/brunch for Mom and dinner for Grandma or vice versa. Some even celebrate Mother's Day for one the night before. When we are visiting either Grandma or either Grandma is here with us, we pick one meal and celebrate all the mothers. Same with Father's Day. Also, after college, the birthdays are less important. If you can celebrate, you do. If you miss one, be an adult and just realize that it's no longer so important to celebrate your birthday. Milestones, yes, but regular annual birthdays? Only if there isn't anything else.

Also, if you can move your birthday celebration to another day to celebrate with your husband, why can't you move your own Mother's Day celebration with your kids to Saturday and celebrate Mother's Day Sunday with your MIL? Why can't you move your wedding anniversary celebrations to the following weekend and celebrate MIL's birthday when she asks? Basically you are spoiled. You want to do what you want when you want and you want the world to follow. You act like you are the center of the universe and the universe is expected to revolve around you. And you're upset when it doesn't.

Put things in perspective, be flexible, adjust the schedule as needed. There are days before and after each occasion and just because you celebrate Mother's Day on Saturday or your anniversary 4 days afterwards, doesn't make the celebration less important, it just makes you more mature. Right now you are acting childish.

Amen to all of the above.