Most affordable way to adopt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood is forever and can be very challenging. Have you considered being a foster parent, just to see how you would cope with the lifestyle change?

This is ridiculous. Nothing in her post made it seem like she's not ready for being a parent. In fact, it seems she's probably a much better candidate than someone who accidentally gets knocked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember though, IVF treatments, sperm donations, can get expensive quickly if it doesn't take after the first attempt. Typically you pay per attempt.

Newsflash: you don't jump right to IVF with donor sperm. Don't speak about processes you know nothing about.

And also, if she's a teacher in MD, it's likely that her insurance will cover a good part of IVF should she even get that far.

- MD teacher whose insurance covered three rounds of IVF

[Anonymous]

OP, if you do want to adopt, look into the adoption tax credit. I did a second parent adoption for our son (same sex couple) back in 2013 and we got every penny back when we filed our taxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

LoriCroit wrote:Before jumping into adopting, you might consider contacting your county and becoming a foster parent. There are a lot of challenges being a single mother and being a foster mother might give you insight.

There are a lot of places online that you could research about adoption and foster parenting that you could look into.

Consider praying about this decision. I will be praying for you. Good luck!

This is SUCH bad advice. You don't use troubled children to see if being a single parent is right for you. That is SO fucked up.

Signed,
bio and foster parent.

PS - being a foster parent is way harder. duh.

Surely there is more of a need for foster parents than adoptive parents? Why is fostering bad advice? It is designed with the family reunification in mind.
How is that a trial?

Fostering is bad advice if you're only doing it to see if you want to have a kid another way, or hoping that reunification will fail so you get to keep a kid.
Fostering is an important thing to do but it is hard and the only people who should do it are people who can actually support the child's goal, which generally starts out as reunification.
And we should all do more as a society so fewer kids need foster care.

I get the impression that good quality foster homes are a legend

[Anonymous]

1) are you okay with never meeting someone or getting married. Dating as a single parent is very very difficult.

2) make sure you have enough money that you can hire a night nurse 1-2 a month in the first year. Sleep deprivation (especially when you have a cold) is hell. Work into the budget the ability to get a good night sleep every once in awhile.

[Anonymous]

I get the impression that good quality foster homes are a legend

I think it is easy to get that impression because the media reports far more about troubled foster home situations than about the successful stories. And the reality is that there are some kids who do get shuffled between various foster homes--which also gives the impression that the problem is with the foster home when very often the issue is the behavioral issues of the child. Up to 60% of the kids in foster care have some level of prenatal drug and alcohol exposure. Those exposures, coupled with the neglect, trauma and potential abuse which resulted in the child needing foster care---mean that foster kids can present with some exceptionally challenging behaviors.

So no, fostering is not a good way to "experiment" with the experience of parenting. And while MD does cover IVF, I do not think that it covers elective IVF for the purpose of single parenthood vs. infertility after a certain period of trying to get pregnant the traditional way. Or at least my MD insurance didn't six years ago when we were trying IVF.

[Anonymous]

Start by examining what exactly do you hope to gain by being a mother? Be brutal. You don't have to share here. Then analyze if you are wanting to be a mom for not the best reasons. A kid is 24/7. There are very few breaks. Even with support I at times fantasize about taking a break from them or whether my mom would take one. Of course I am not saying this in earnest, the most joyful and meaningful thing I did was having kids, I even chose to have a second. But their needs are so freaking relentless.