DW depressed about weight but won't take action

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I think that I am like your wife.

Im in my early 40s, with two kids, and am about 50 lbs overweight. I know that I am fat, I know that I look like crap in clothes, and Im not happy about it. But I don't lose weight easily like I used to when I was young, and it is so so so so so so unmotivating to diet and exercise and lose like 1 lb/week. Also, I am tall, so it takes a lot of weight loss (or gain, sadly) for clothes to get loose/tight). So, its easy for me to give up.

Just keep loving her, model healthy habits when you can, support her when you can, and that's all that you can do.

On the flip side tall person, imagine you were 5'0" and that 10 pound you put on is SO MUCH MORE NOTICIBLE.

[Anonymous]

I could lose 180 pounds just by signing a legal paper. Leave your wife alone a hole.

Let's see your body Adonis. We want to judge you too.

[Anonymous]

Have her join orange theory, baree, hot yoga or get a personal trainer. Make her go every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could lose 180 pounds just by signing a legal paper. Leave your wife alone a hole.

Let's see your body Adonis. We want to judge you too.

I really don't think that's fair. I have gained 20ish lbs. I am not happy about it at all, I am not comfortable in my own body, and DH knows this. But, I work full-time and am a taxi for the kids 7 days a week. Like a PP said, when it comes down to it, if I have time when I actually have nothing to do, I want to take a break and relax and recharge, because that time does not come around often.

I would like it if my DH, instead of telling me I look fine and he loves me the way I am, would help us start eating better, and maybe suggesting we go on a walk or do some sort of physical activity together. I wouldn't be offended AT ALL and would be grateful for him gently trying to help me feel and look better. It's just daunting to try to do on my own. Very overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

You should offer to send her here.... http://biggestloserresort.com/ameliaisland-fl/

I would offer to send her now and then again and again. my friend went 3 times with a 6 month break in between to create a lifestyle not just a 1 hit wonder to lose weight.

If you are not committed to really being a full time parent so she can get healthy, well then that is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Clearly you are frustrated and wanting to help, I am sorry this has become an issue at all. Be there for her, help her to understand you still love her, maybe your attempts to motivate her are interpreted as a negative and your intent coupled with more sex requests are insulting. Honey, can I help in any way, what would you like me to do for you, how can I help you sweetie, or something along those lines.

Help her to understand you love her, that she is still beautiful to you and your concerns are health related and want to know what is going on. She is reacting to an issue, it may be her own issue, it could be a medical problem, who knows. I believe the following article could help you with obesity and its impact on the psyche, http://bit.ly/2vgZcii, this article is more about intimacy in general, http://bit.ly/2v6Ta3p, but I believe both will help. Everyone needs to feel special, help her to get there in her own way and in her own time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be your wife!

I just don't have the same self control or the same motivation I had when I was young.

So I don't like how I feel or look but in the moment I want candy or wine or a donut more than I care about my weight. Then 2 minutes after its done, I care more about my weight again!

Me too! + 1000. That's how women work. We can't help it sometimes. You have to break the sugar habit for 2 weeks before you can say no to it. It's hard. Don't make it a big deal, just ask her to go for a bike ride, or for a walk. Make a healthy, low fat treat for her to try vs cookies etc. It is hard!!! Women are emotional eaters, and we have serious hormonal cravings. Seriously, 2 weeks before my period I want junk. The week of my period, I want junk. It's that 1 week after my period that I have will power and eat healthy. BUT I'm very active all the time. I would work on her activity level. Feels good to "burn off those 3 cookies".

Anything you do, don't play down her feeling frumpy. But don't agree with her either. Make sure she knows that you love her, you want her happy and if that means losing weight then you support it.

It's not how women work, it's how some people work. And avoid low-fat treats, low-fat is one of the biggest boondoggles ever perpetrated on the public. Have a small piece of dark chocolate with a dollop of natural peanut butter, or half an avocado sprinkled with salt. And before the keyboard fitness "experts" weight in on how I'm wrong, fat provides satiety which in the end means you end up eating/craving less (in general of course won't be true for everyone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be your wife!

I just don't have the same self control or the same motivation I had when I was young.

So I don't like how I feel or look but in the moment I want candy or wine or a donut more than I care about my weight. Then 2 minutes after its done, I care more about my weight again!

Me too! + 1000. That's how women work. We can't help it sometimes. You have to break the sugar habit for 2 weeks before you can say no to it. It's hard. Don't make it a big deal, just ask her to go for a bike ride, or for a walk. Make a healthy, low fat treat for her to try vs cookies etc. It is hard!!! Women are emotional eaters, and we have serious hormonal cravings. Seriously, 2 weeks before my period I want junk. The week of my period, I want junk. It's that 1 week after my period that I have will power and eat healthy. BUT I'm very active all the time. I would work on her activity level. Feels good to "burn off those 3 cookies".

Anything you do, don't play down her feeling frumpy. But don't agree with her either. Make sure she knows that you love her, you want her happy and if that means losing weight then you support it.

It's not how women work, it's how some people work. And avoid low-fat treats, low-fat is one of the biggest boondoggles ever perpetrated on the public. Have a small piece of dark chocolate with a dollop of natural peanut butter, or half an avocado sprinkled with salt. And before the keyboard fitness "experts" weight in on how I'm wrong, fat provides satiety which in the end means you end up eating/craving less (in general of course won't be true for everyone.)

+1

"How women work?" The post prior to yours was full of stereotypes and bad science. Low fat isn't healthy. A nice snack with healthy fats is actually better for actually sating hunger.

Good post, immediate PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could lose 180 pounds just by signing a legal paper. Leave your wife alone a hole.

Let's see your body Adonis. We want to judge you too.

I really don't think that's fair. I have gained 20ish lbs. I am not happy about it at all, I am not comfortable in my own body, and DH knows this. But, I work full-time and am a taxi for the kids 7 days a week. Like a PP said, when it comes down to it, if I have time when I actually have nothing to do, I want to take a break and relax and recharge, because that time does not come around often.

I would like it if my DH, instead of telling me I look fine and he loves me the way I am, would help us start eating better, and maybe suggesting we go on a walk or do some sort of physical activity together. I wouldn't be offended AT ALL and would be grateful for him gently trying to help me feel and look better. It's just daunting to try to do on my own. Very overwhelming.

It isn't the going to the gym. It is the food that goes in your mouth. Don't blame it on the taxi/kids issue. Take some ownership. Many many people (men and women) are in the same sitch. I don't go to the gym, and I'm a healthy and attractive weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I put on around 20lbs from stress. Is there anything that's happened in her life the past couple years? Could she be depressed? I was overeating and not taking care of myself, and it was directly related to life events.

Plus it's hard for us women to just drop the weight, especially after you've aged and had kids.

+ 1 I'm 20 lbs overweight, 40, with one toddler and a full-time job, and if I have any spare time I just want to lie down and rest. I know that to lose the weight will require 6 months+ of a total overhaul of diet and exercise, and I find that incredibly daunting, especially when I just want to relax with a glass of wine or bit of chocolate at the end of the day. Every day I wake up and want to start, and every day I fail. I keep telling myself that after my cgild gets older and more self-sufficient I can focus on my own health again, but in the meantime I'm tired & hate the way I look.

YES! I retained 20 lbs of baby weight for a year postpartum and it really messed with my confidence. I felt ugly and was depressed. In retrospect, I wish that I had been kinder and more patient with myself because those first couple of years are about survival. It's difficult to lose weight anyway if you aren't getting enough rest, so taking those breaks to sleep when you can ARE healthy. You can lose the weight and will eventually. It's just not the priority right now and thats OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I put on around 20lbs from stress. Is there anything that's happened in her life the past couple years? Could she be depressed? I was overeating and not taking care of myself, and it was directly related to life events.

Plus it's hard for us women to just drop the weight, especially after you've aged and had kids.

+ 1 I'm 20 lbs overweight, 40, with one toddler and a full-time job, and if I have any spare time I just want to lie down and rest. I know that to lose the weight will require 6 months+ of a total overhaul of diet and exercise, and I find that incredibly daunting, especially when I just want to relax with a glass of wine or bit of chocolate at the end of the day. Every day I wake up and want to start, and every day I fail. I keep telling myself that after my cgild gets older and more self-sufficient I can focus on my own health again, but in the meantime I'm tired & hate the way I look.

Lose the weight with a quick hcg diet

Fat shaming prevented laziness

I did the hcg diet twice but gained the weight back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her focus on food at first, not exercise. the food will have a bigger impact on her weight.

And how do you propose he do that?

Easy, OP doesn't propose a 'family diet,' he shops for and implements the family diet.

[Anonymous]

A. She is probably happy and doesn't care, nothing in your post indicates that she is actually depressed about her weight
B. She makes off hand comments, most likely looking for compliments not criticism
C. Is it affecting your sex life because she thinks you don't find her attractive?
D. If she was truly unhappy about her weight she would do something
E. Weight is a lot harder to lose when you are older
F. Is she overweight because she is depressed?