do most sahms plan to stay that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

I don't get the feel 'lost' comment. From what I understand-- those that are hit hardest by empty nest syndrome are those that defined their lives solely around their children--- no outside hobbies or work so once the kids are gone they have nothing.

I think that is what she meant - she wants to work PT so she won't feel lost when her children go to college. At least that's how I interpreted it.

That is exactly what I meant. I would be in favor of going to work part-time so I don't feel lost, but I'm not in a very good occupation to truly be part-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

There isn't a right or wrong answer to the question of whether to go back, but I have to say that this post and the one it references about not having time once kids are in school does not resonate with me at all. I worked at full-time job and used daycare/preschool until DD started kindergarten, and now work from home, for myself, part-time . Honestly, I can't figure out how the non-childcare chores associated with my household could possibly fill up 6.5 hours per day, 5 days per week. Of course there is after-school stuff, but that is after school. I am intimately familiar with the virtue of getting to meet the AC guy without asking my boss's permission (or even stopping work) but in my own experience, school hours are sufficient time both to fit in 3-5 hours of work and to get some of the other chores done if I am organized about it. And then I still have my after-school time free and clear.

Maybe it's just a different level of interest in domestic matters. DH and I developed FT working parent sensibilities about running a household and they didn't change after I changed my schedule; we just replaced some of my work time with kid time and replaced my suits with shorts and flip flops. We did not make this work/life decision based upon the garden or the decor of our house (such as it is). It was about replacing work time with parent-child time, reducing my total number of responsibilities from "are you freaking kidding" to "wow that's a lot."

It also depends upon whether you see yourself as being interested in or fulfilled by the household management tasks. Some people love that. Some don't. Know which one you are.

I have school-aged children and it EASILY fills up an entire day. 7-8:30 is spent getting ready and dropping off at school, then try to get to the gym takes another 1.5 hours, errands/groceries/appts on other days gets you close to lunch. Spend an hour or two picking up, making phone calls, and doing laundry and it's time to head out to pick up the kids again at 2:15 and begin after school activities, homework and dinner. I have 4 children though who are quite involved in activites, and a husband who is gone long hours. It doesn't leave a lot of "free time".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

There isn't a right or wrong answer to the question of whether to go back, but I have to say that this post and the one it references about not having time once kids are in school does not resonate with me at all. I worked at full-time job and used daycare/preschool until DD started kindergarten, and now work from home, for myself, part-time . Honestly, I can't figure out how the non-childcare chores associated with my household could possibly fill up 6.5 hours per day, 5 days per week. Of course there is after-school stuff, but that is after school. I am intimately familiar with the virtue of getting to meet the AC guy without asking my boss's permission (or even stopping work) but in my own experience, school hours are sufficient time both to fit in 3-5 hours of work and to get some of the other chores done if I am organized about it. And then I still have my after-school time free and clear.

Maybe it's just a different level of interest in domestic matters. DH and I developed FT working parent sensibilities about running a household and they didn't change after I changed my schedule; we just replaced some of my work time with kid time and replaced my suits with shorts and flip flops. We did not make this work/life decision based upon the garden or the decor of our house (such as it is). It was about replacing work time with parent-child time, reducing my total number of responsibilities from "are you freaking kidding" to "wow that's a lot."

It also depends upon whether you see yourself as being interested in or fulfilled by the household management tasks. Some people love that. Some don't. Know which one you are.

I have school-aged children and it EASILY fills up an entire day. 7-8:30 is spent getting ready and dropping off at school, then try to get to the gym takes another 1.5 hours, errands/groceries/appts on other days gets you close to lunch. Spend an hour or two picking up, making phone calls, and doing laundry and it's time to head out to pick up the kids again at 2:15 and begin after school activities, homework and dinner. I have 4 children though who are quite involved in activites, and a husband who is gone long hours. It doesn't leave a lot of "free time".

You have 4 children. Say no more-- you are one busy lady!

[Anonymous]

Another attorney here. PT partner at biglaw. By the time i get to stay home with my babies, I'll be 39 and about ready to pop out our third. I'm so done with the rat race right now and eager to just savor some time with my kids that i can't see getting back into the swing of things in my mid to late 40s! Maybe that will change, or perhaps I'll teach legal writing to keep my mind out of the diaper pail, but neither DH nor I expect me to go back to a firm or even a 5 day/wk gig elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

About statistics on mothers and employment - "mothers in the labor force" includes mothers who consider themselves "at home" but earn SOME income. Read more here, from the nonprofit organization Family and Home Network (founded in 1984 and originally named Mothers at Home). Full disclosure: I am Catherine Myers, the organization's Executive Director:
http://www.familyandhome.org/policy/pub_stats.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About statistics on mothers and employment - "mothers in the labor force" includes mothers who consider themselves "at home" but earn SOME income. Read more here, from the nonprofit organization Family and Home Network (founded in 1984 and originally named Mothers at Home). Full disclosure: I am Catherine Myers, the organization's Executive Director:
http://www.familyandhome.org/policy/pub_stats.htm

Wow - that just seems like a step back to me. As was discussed earlier, many (still most, according to reputable stats) moms will go back to work at some time. It's a shame this organization seems to want to stop policies that support child care and family friendly work policies.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and this was last updated in 1992, so don't think the statistics are relevant.

[Anonymous]

Here are some statistics from the Census Bureau - on their web site:

http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/004109.html


Working Moms:

63% Among college-educated women with infant children, the percentage in the labor force.

Among mothers between ages 15 and 44 who do not have infants, 72 percent are in the labor force.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are some statistics from the Census Bureau - on their web site:

http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/004109.html


Working Moms:

63% Among college-educated women with infant children, the percentage in the labor force.

Among mothers between ages 15 and 44 who do not have infants, 72 percent are in the labor force.

Just fyi. There is a difference between "employment" and "labor force" : labor force = employed + unemployed

[Anonymous]

Family and Home Network is not opposed to child care -- we do, however, advocate for inclusive family policies - supporting parents regardless of the ways they meet their income-earning and caregiving responsibilities. When policy supports only child care, it is offering millions of families only one choice -- a choice millions don't want. Please see:
http://www.familyandhome.org/inclusivepolicies.htm

FAHN is fully aware that mothers -- and fathers -- move in and out of the labor force. We do not advocate putting mothers (or others) in categories, it usually leads to much confusion. We affirm parents' choices to forgo or cut back on employment (including the choice to be an at-home mother or father).

As for the date of the stats article, it is an explanation of the Department of Labor's definition of "mothers in the labor force" -- that definition, and the way in which the statistics are gathered, have not changed.

-Catherine Myers

[Anonymous]

Ms. Myers, this is not a political thread. The parents on this board came to this thread to learn what other people are doing to structure their lives over the many stages of their children's lives.

Your website's simplistic assertions about tax policy and patently false claims about pediatricians' and parents' views on daycare don't serve that purpose.

[Anonymous]

OMG that is the worst site I have ever seen! My favorite is the income tax blurb misrepresenting the childcare tax deduction. First it is a deduction not a credit, big difference.

It is a deduction on the tax burden you generate directly from the income you gain to off set the expense of childcare which enabled you to make the income. A SAHM's work no matter how valuable it may be is not taxed. You may argue that a SAHM is worth a 100K value to the family but the government is not collecting income tax on that value. If you are staying home you are not incurring childcare expenses. It makes no sense to expect a deduction on a tax burden you don't have to offset an expense you don't have.

[Anonymous]

Im a SAHM right now (2 kids under 2) so I dont see myself going to work soon but sometimes i wonder what I would do when they are in school full time.
Who would pick my kids up from school and help them with homework after? I know nannies do that but we cant afford it and I am not going to work so my paycheck goes to the nanny - I would rather do it myself and feel more accomplished helping my kids then working for someone else. I got married young and although I had a great job/career that I loved - it was a lot of hours and the pay really sucked - not worth it when you have a family so I am in a bad situation. I envy lawyers that have more flexible hours and can work at home or just a case and get paid big bucks or consultants.
My husband prefers me to be at home but I always fantasize that I come up with some fantastic business idea that I can patent and make millions!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im a SAHM right now (2 kids under 2) so I dont see myself going to work soon but sometimes i wonder what I would do when they are in school full time.
Who would pick my kids up from school and help them with homework after? I know nannies do that but we cant afford it and I am not going to work so my paycheck goes to the nanny - I would rather do it myself and feel more accomplished helping my kids then working for someone else. I got married young and although I had a great job/career that I loved - it was a lot of hours and the pay really sucked - not worth it when you have a family so I am in a bad situation. I envy lawyers that have more flexible hours and can work at home or just a case and get paid big bucks or consultants.
My husband prefers me to be at home but I always fantasize that I come up with some fantastic business idea that I can patent and make millions!!!

It's not 'all or nothing'. I am not sure what you do for a living-- -but I am able to be there for my kids before and after school and field trips, etc. I work for the govt. (an not a lawyer) from home- great salary and benefits.