do most sahms plan to stay that way?

[Anonymous]

In a word...yes. I may substitute teach or something like that, but I don't want to give up any flexibility to participate in my children's school and I don't want to work at all in the summers or when they are on school breaks.

I had to go to "camp" when I was a kid because both my parents worked and I hated it.

DH has a demanding job and sees the benefit of me continuing to stay home. (ie: he never has to stay home from work to meet the A/C guy, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a word...yes. I may substitute teach or something like that, but I don't want to give up any flexibility to participate in my children's school and I don't want to work at all in the summers or when they are on school breaks.

I had to go to "camp" when I was a kid because both my parents worked and I hated it.

DH has a demanding job and sees the benefit of me continuing to stay home. (ie: he never has to stay home from work to meet the A/C guy, etc.)

I work from home so my husband never has to meet the AC guy either.

[Anonymous]

My husband works from home a lot so he ALWAYS meets the AC guy!

I stay home one day a week and refuse to do any boring errands or chores, including waiting for repair people. It's my "special day" with my toddler.

[Anonymous]

no - i don't plan to SAH forever. I too am hoping to find a part time job. would love to actually practice law like I used to but I'm one of those who tried part time and it was just a pay cut.

[Anonymous]

I think so, OP, but I'll have to see. I might use this time as a SAHM to delve deeper and consider a career change.

My mom was a great example to me. She worked after she married my Dad and helped put him through college. When she had me and my sister, she SAH until the youngest went to pre-school (working part time as a bookkeeper). Once we started school, she became very interested in Montessori education and got her Montessori teaching certificate. She became a 3-6 year old teacher at the school where we attended through 8th grade, so every day we drove to school together and went home together, too. This was so perfect for us growing up, as we got all the same holidays and schedule.

Once we grew and left home, she continued to teach (and still does) because she loves it. She found a rewarding career while still staying available to us.

Now reflecting on it, wow, I wish I could do something similar. I am not sure if I am cut out to be a teacher like she was, but it sure was an ideal situation for all of us growing up.

[Anonymous]

I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

I think the running theme here is, with kids, it is always a challenge to fit work in your life because they fill up so much time and energy.

I was raised by an awesome SAHM who like a PP's mom, started substitute teaching when I (her youngest) started elementary school - at my school so we had the same schedule.

It was great having her around during breaks from college, and now, I don't know what I'd do without her. She is up helping with my toddler probably every 2-3 weeks (she lives relatively close by). I work 4 days a week currently, and the plan is, by the time we have another hopefully and they are both in school, between DH and I we won't use any after care (he has quite a bit of flexibility and hopes to one day work entirely for himself anyway).

I think daycare pick up and drop offs are so easy (we have daycare in DH's building) so I don't know how moms with kids in school handle care and that is when I'd like even more flexibility.

And then when they come home from college, I want to be able to be around to do stuff, and then ultimately be at their "beck and call" when they have grandkids like my mom, who I really depend on, especially as a WM.

So, I think no matter what age your kids are, if you want to or need to work, it is all about fitting your work around your life as a mom.

That is why I don't get the mommy wars. I would think we all need to support to each other because every mom (and dad), whether your kids are in preschool, in school, in college, or grown, could benefit from flexible work options and most moms WILL be working moms at some point in their child's life, even if it is when that child is grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

I think the running theme here is, with kids, it is always a challenge to fit work in your life because they fill up so much time and energy.

I was raised by an awesome SAHM who like a PP's mom, started substitute teaching when I (her youngest) started elementary school - at my school so we had the same schedule.

It was great having her around during breaks from college, and now, I don't know what I'd do without her. She is up helping with my toddler probably every 2-3 weeks (she lives relatively close by). I work 4 days a week currently, and the plan is, by the time we have another hopefully and they are both in school, between DH and I we won't use any after care (he has quite a bit of flexibility and hopes to one day work entirely for himself anyway).

I think daycare pick up and drop offs are so easy (we have daycare in DH's building) so I don't know how moms with kids in school handle care and that is when I'd like even more flexibility.

And then when they come home from college, I want to be able to be around to do stuff, and then ultimately be at their "beck and call" when they have grandkids like my mom, who I really depend on, especially as a WM.

So, I think no matter what age your kids are, if you want to or need to work, it is all about fitting your work around your life as a mom.

That is why I don't get the mommy wars. I would think we all need to support to each other because every mom (and dad), whether your kids are in preschool, in school, in college, or grown, could benefit from flexible work options and most moms WILL be working moms at some point in their child's life, even if it is when that child is grown.

thank you. I love how this post did start the 'negativity' thread that usu. happens- wahm vs sahm. Everyone was very civil and supportive--- a refreshing change!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

I think the running theme here is, with kids, it is always a challenge to fit work in your life because they fill up so much time and energy.

I was raised by an awesome SAHM who like a PP's mom, started substitute teaching when I (her youngest) started elementary school - at my school so we had the same schedule.

It was great having her around during breaks from college, and now, I don't know what I'd do without her. She is up helping with my toddler probably every 2-3 weeks (she lives relatively close by). I work 4 days a week currently, and the plan is, by the time we have another hopefully and they are both in school, between DH and I we won't use any after care (he has quite a bit of flexibility and hopes to one day work entirely for himself anyway).

I think daycare pick up and drop offs are so easy (we have daycare in DH's building) so I don't know how moms with kids in school handle care and that is when I'd like even more flexibility.

And then when they come home from college, I want to be able to be around to do stuff, and then ultimately be at their "beck and call" when they have grandkids like my mom, who I really depend on, especially as a WM.

So, I think no matter what age your kids are, if you want to or need to work, it is all about fitting your work around your life as a mom.

That is why I don't get the mommy wars. I would think we all need to support to each other because every mom (and dad), whether your kids are in preschool, in school, in college, or grown, could benefit from flexible work options and most moms WILL be working moms at some point in their child's life, even if it is when that child is grown.

thank you. I love how this post did start the 'negativity' thread that usu. happens- wahm vs sahm. Everyone was very civil and supportive--- a refreshing change!

that was obviously meant to be did 'not' start...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

There isn't a right or wrong answer to the question of whether to go back, but I have to say that this post and the one it references about not having time once kids are in school does not resonate with me at all. I worked at full-time job and used daycare/preschool until DD started kindergarten, and now work from home, for myself, part-time . Honestly, I can't figure out how the non-childcare chores associated with my household could possibly fill up 6.5 hours per day, 5 days per week. Of course there is after-school stuff, but that is after school. I am intimately familiar with the virtue of getting to meet the AC guy without asking my boss's permission (or even stopping work) but in my own experience, school hours are sufficient time both to fit in 3-5 hours of work and to get some of the other chores done if I am organized about it. And then I still have my after-school time free and clear.

Maybe it's just a different level of interest in domestic matters. DH and I developed FT working parent sensibilities about running a household and they didn't change after I changed my schedule; we just replaced some of my work time with kid time and replaced my suits with shorts and flip flops. We did not make this work/life decision based upon the garden or the decor of our house (such as it is). It was about replacing work time with parent-child time, reducing my total number of responsibilities from "are you freaking kidding" to "wow that's a lot."

It also depends upon whether you see yourself as being interested in or fulfilled by the household management tasks. Some people love that. Some don't. Know which one you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

There isn't a right or wrong answer to the question of whether to go back, but I have to say that this post and the one it references about not having time once kids are in school does not resonate with me at all. I worked at full-time job and used daycare/preschool until DD started kindergarten, and now work from home, for myself, part-time . Honestly, I can't figure out how the non-childcare chores associated with my household could possibly fill up 6.5 hours per day, 5 days per week. Of course there is after-school stuff, but that is after school. I am intimately familiar with the virtue of getting to meet the AC guy without asking my boss's permission (or even stopping work) but in my own experience, school hours are sufficient time both to fit in 3-5 hours of work and to get some of the other chores done if I am organized about it. And then I still have my after-school time free and clear.

Maybe it's just a different level of interest in domestic matters. DH and I developed FT working parent sensibilities about running a household and they didn't change after I changed my schedule; we just replaced some of my work time with kid time and replaced my suits with shorts and flip flops. We did not make this work/life decision based upon the garden or the decor of our house (such as it is). It was about replacing work time with parent-child time, reducing my total number of responsibilities from "are you freaking kidding" to "wow that's a lot."

It also depends upon whether you see yourself as being interested in or fulfilled by the household management tasks. Some people love that. Some don't. Know which one you are.

Good point. I was thinking along those lines as well. Who cleans a house for 6-7 hours a day Mon-Friday (unless their job is a housekeeper and then it is not the same house!)? That is alot of time. I have developed dinner dishes that I can whip up in 30 minutes or less (and they didn't come from RAchel RAy)--think grilled or broiled anything with some steamed veggies--which is healthier anyways. I am at a loss to understand what is done all day as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

I don't get the feel 'lost' comment. From what I understand-- those that are hit hardest by empty nest syndrome are those that defined their lives solely around their children--- no outside hobbies or work so once the kids are gone they have nothing.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'll likely SAH. As pps have said, more about flexibility around summers, school, and misc activities. I would happily get a PT job if during school hours (perhaps temping) but that would be it. I enjoy staying involved in other hobbies too though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am beginning to think I will be a SAHM much longer than I had planned. Like a previous poster mentioned, you think you are going to have gobs of time once all the kids are in school but I don't think so. Now that my older kids are in school, the time gets sucked away into homework, after school activities, etc. I also feel like it's just as important to be home with teens as newborns to provide guidance. However, I don't work in a field (attorney) where it's easy to be very part-time. If I did I could see working on a very part-time basis...I just don't want to feel "lost" when my children are all at college.

I don't get the feel 'lost' comment. From what I understand-- those that are hit hardest by empty nest syndrome are those that defined their lives solely around their children--- no outside hobbies or work so once the kids are gone they have nothing.

I think that is what she meant - she wants to work PT so she won't feel lost when her children go to college. At least that's how I interpreted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM -- ex-attorney. I miss working, and would love to go back when DC is in elementary school -- but on a PT basis, so that I'm still able to see DC off to school at 9 a.m., and be there to pick her up at 3:40 pm. I'm not sure that there are a ton of 9:30-3 p.m. jobs out there, but that's what I want!

Be sure to stay in touch with your former colleagues! I know some people who have been able to work part-time on a contract or project basis with their old firms or with colleagues from their old firms who have since moved on to other jobs. These things are often individually negotiated and off the radar -- not the typical PT, associate/partnership track type of roles.