How do I not let every behavior episode get to me?

[Anonymous]

A few recommendations in case any are helpful:

1) I agree with those who have said -- if he sends mean text messages, punish him, perhaps by withdrawing phone privileges for a certain amount of time. Explain why his behavior was hurtful and unacceptable, and why he needs to learn that this kind of behavior will not produce outcomes he wants -- either from you or from others he encounters in life. A smartphone is not a birthright, it's a privilege that needs to be earned.

2) Try to remember there will always be bad phases and periods of regression. Parenting an SN kid is always two steps forward, one step back. Try to allow yourself some time to reflect on progress he's made relative to earlier stages of development. This is often helpful to deal with current frustrations -- to remember you've gotten past previous ones, and made progress.

3) Even though you are fully dedicated to your son's welfare, try to allow yourself occasional times to focus on other interests or concerns. Change has a way of putting things in perspective. Something that drives me absolutely bonkers in the moment doesn't seem so terrible once I return to it after being temporarily pulled into another absorbing activity. Refresh your energies as best you can, with both rest and other areas of focus.

Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking so much about your self and try to feel what your son is feeling.
This should be kicking your ass and it should be making you humble but you're a tough nut to crack.

[Anonymous]

NP. Nothing to add, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm a young mom to a 6 year old with Aspergers and ADHD. I myself have anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I've started weekly therapy sessions and started on Prozac. It helps to take the edge off. But there are days where I'm paralyzed by fear of the future.

I wonder if there are local support groups for parents. I think it would help to surround myself with other parents who understand and can offer support and advice.

Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Nothing to add, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm a young mom to a 6 year old with Aspergers and ADHD. I myself have anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I've started weekly therapy sessions and started on Prozac. It helps to take the edge off. But there are days where I'm paralyzed by fear of the future.

I wonder if there are local support groups for parents. I think it would help to surround myself with other parents who understand and can offer support and advice.

Hugs to you, OP.

Bump re: support groups beyond those listed on home page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few recommendations in case any are helpful:

1) I agree with those who have said -- if he sends mean text messages, punish him, perhaps by withdrawing phone privileges for a certain amount of time. Explain why his behavior was hurtful and unacceptable, and why he needs to learn that this kind of behavior will not produce outcomes he wants -- either from you or from others he encounters in life. A smartphone is not a birthright, it's a privilege that needs to be earned.

2) Try to remember there will always be bad phases and periods of regression. Parenting an SN kid is always two steps forward, one step back. Try to allow yourself some time to reflect on progress he's made relative to earlier stages of development. This is often helpful to deal with current frustrations -- to remember you've gotten past previous ones, and made progress.

3) Even though you are fully dedicated to your son's welfare, try to allow yourself occasional times to focus on other interests or concerns. Change has a way of putting things in perspective. Something that drives me absolutely bonkers in the moment doesn't seem so terrible once I return to it after being temporarily pulled into another absorbing activity. Refresh your energies as best you can, with both rest and other areas of focus.

Good luck!!!

Some additional thoughts:

4) It's hard, but try to bear in mind that your child is a child and is still developing. Everyone goes through different stages in life. When we're babies we howl and cry whenever our needs aren't met because that's all we know to do. When we're toddlers we have different emotional control issues. Well, adolescents have their phases, too -- it's the job of parents to guide them through them, which sometimes requires recognition that their outbursts reflect ways of processing emotions that are not adult. I'm sure it's hurtful but in the end it's less reflective of your own worth than it is of his developing perspective.