Not photogenic enough for online dating

[Anonymous]

Photos are never a substitute for the real thing. And yes, they matter. I'm feeling for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Post your pic and we will let you know or impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Understand about the albums now. But, are you saying that a man will not agree to a date unless you have tons of pictures? I can understand 1 to 3 but the rest? By desired outcome I meant did you end up in a great relationship?

1-3 pics? In what world is that enough? Even as a woman that isn't enough for me. I expect more photos than that on OkCupid, where it gives you the space for more. And because as a woman I know guys love using the "send me a pic" line via text, I make sure to have ample photos so that I can easily refer them back to my profile. I'll never go down the send me a pic rabbit hole because I know what the end game is and it's not one I'm interested in playing.

And yes, I did end up in a great relationship at the time, which we ended amicably due to a career relocation for both of us - across the country for me, out of the country for him. I've recently re-joined and am using the same tactics as before and am actually genuinely surprised by the quality of men on OkCupid this time around. Seems like there are a lot more genuine men who take the time to write sincere messages. It's a pleasant surprise.

[ZachF]

Almost every woman I met from dating sites looked better than her photos, because..bad cell phone photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Understand about the albums now. But, are you saying that a man will not agree to a date unless you have tons of pictures? I can understand 1 to 3 but the rest? By desired outcome I meant did you end up in a great relationship?

1-3 pics? In what world is that enough? Even as a woman that isn't enough for me. I expect more photos than that on OkCupid, where it gives you the space for more. And because as a woman I know guys love using the "send me a pic" line via text, I make sure to have ample photos so that I can easily refer them back to my profile. I'll never go down the send me a pic rabbit hole because I know what the end game is and it's not one I'm interested in playing.

And yes, I did end up in a great relationship at the time, which we ended amicably due to a career relocation for both of us - across the country for me, out of the country for him. I've recently re-joined and am using the same tactics as before and am actually genuinely surprised by the quality of men on OkCupid this time around. Seems like there are a lot more genuine men who take the time to write sincere messages. It's a pleasant surprise.

I've been asked for pics by text but haven't sent them because I wondered about it. Can you help a newbie out and explain this? Is it a way for creepers and stalkers to get your digits and possibly figure out your last name? Is it online dating-speak for an invite to sexting? Something else? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

ZachF wrote:Almost every woman I met from dating sites looked better than her photos, because..bad cell phone photos.

So you agreed to meet for a date anyway right? Thus a woman does not need photos from every angle to get a guy to be interested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:Almost every woman I met from dating sites looked better than her photos, because..bad cell phone photos.

So you agreed to meet for a date anyway right? Thus a woman does not need photos from every angle to get a guy to be interested?

Different guy here. A lot of women post unattractive photos. They get pushed to the back of the list of people to contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Understand about the albums now. But, are you saying that a man will not agree to a date unless you have tons of pictures? I can understand 1 to 3 but the rest? By desired outcome I meant did you end up in a great relationship?

1-3 pics? In what world is that enough? Even as a woman that isn't enough for me. I expect more photos than that on OkCupid, where it gives you the space for more. And because as a woman I know guys love using the "send me a pic" line via text, I make sure to have ample photos so that I can easily refer them back to my profile. I'll never go down the send me a pic rabbit hole because I know what the end game is and it's not one I'm interested in playing.

And yes, I did end up in a great relationship at the time, which we ended amicably due to a career relocation for both of us - across the country for me, out of the country for him. I've recently re-joined and am using the same tactics as before and am actually genuinely surprised by the quality of men on OkCupid this time around. Seems like there are a lot more genuine men who take the time to write sincere messages. It's a pleasant surprise.

I've been asked for pics by text but haven't sent them because I wondered about it. Can you help a newbie out and explain this? Is it a way for creepers and stalkers to get your digits and possibly figure out your last name? Is it online dating-speak for an invite to sexting? Something else? Thanks!

PP here. More often than not, it's how guys segway into sexting. As a result, I make it clear up front that I do not exchange photos via text. I point out the fact that my photos are all labeled with the month and year they were taken, including photos from the current month, and that I obviously haven't gained 1000 lbs in the past few days or changed my looks drastically, so they either have to trust those photos or move on to someone else.

[Anonymous]

PP here. More often than not, it's how guys segway into sexting. As a result, I make it clear up front that I do not exchange photos via text. I point out the fact that my photos are all labeled with the month and year they were taken, including photos from the current month, and that I obviously haven't gained 1000 lbs in the past few days or changed my looks drastically, so they either have to trust those photos or move on to someone else.

Maybe this is an age thing and I am guessing that this PP is skewing younger (<35)?

If I have tons of pix in my application and a guy still asks for more "current" pictures I would not even respond at all. It is self-explanatory. We all have to take a risk that the person is not who they say they are.

I am a women, btw, and all I need of the guy is a close-up of the head (preferably smiling), a full body shot (to assess physical appearance) and maybe one fun pix. If those look decent and you are my required age range and height, I will contact you.

[ZachF]

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:Almost every woman I met from dating sites looked better than her photos, because..bad cell phone photos.

So you agreed to meet for a date anyway right? Thus a woman does not need photos from every angle to get a guy to be interested?

Nope, your logic is flawed. Her photos had to look good enough for me to meet. And I'd never settle for just a head shot, or one shot at a strategic angle. I have no problem asking for a selfie and of course, I'll send as many as she likes. That said, the ones I judged good enough to meet from her photos, always looked even better in person. Cell phone photography sucks in general but that is the standard these days.

That said, back in the earlier days of online dating I met with many women who expressed problems getting me a decent photo. Before cell phone cams. And even a few more recently who, for whatever excuse, just couldn't come up with more photos. In EVERY case, that was a mistake. These days, there is no excuse at all for not sending photos. If there are plenty on the dating site, and they are recent, then I wouldn't ask. Otherwise, I ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PP here. More often than not, it's how guys segway into sexting. As a result, I make it clear up front that I do not exchange photos via text. I point out the fact that my photos are all labeled with the month and year they were taken, including photos from the current month, and that I obviously haven't gained 1000 lbs in the past few days or changed my looks drastically, so they either have to trust those photos or move on to someone else.

Maybe this is an age thing and I am guessing that this PP is skewing younger (<35)?

If I have tons of pix in my application and a guy still asks for more "current" pictures I would not even respond at all. It is self-explanatory. We all have to take a risk that the person is not who they say they are.

I am a women, btw, and all I need of the guy is a close-up of the head (preferably smiling), a full body shot (to assess physical appearance) and maybe one fun pix. If those look decent and you are my required age range and height, I will contact you.

PP here. Maybe it's an age thing? I'm a female and 34, but the guys I go for tend to be 36 and older. Usually the ones over 40 are the ones why try to sway the conversation to something more risqué.

I am actually in the process of filing a peace order against someone on OkCupid due to harassment that crossed the line from stalking on the internet to in-person stalking, so regardless of your age, please be careful and take all proper precautions. And if anyone gives you any issues or you feel even remotely alarmed by anyone's behavior, don't hesitate to report them and block them. I tend to be too nice and give people the benefit of the doubt, and this time, I ended up getting burned by it.

[Anonymous]

Same here. I'm a guy though. Only the top 10-15% of guys (in facial attractiveness) get any action online from quality women. I do pretty well in real life though.

[Anonymous]

What is a quality woman?

[Anonymous]

What is a quality woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here. I'm a guy though. Only the top 10-15% of guys (in facial attractiveness) get any action online from quality women. I do pretty well in real life though.

Don't underrate yourself. I think I'm a quality woman (my Ex who is often inappropriate told my teenage son I'm still "hot" and I have a prestigious job at a research institution you know and respect whatever your political persuasion) and I go for the top 30-50% in looks. Personality is very important to me, at least as it comes through from your profile. If you don't bother to post a profile, I'll assume you just want to hook up and I'll pass you by. If you post a shirtless shot, I'll probably pass you by no matter how great your abs are because I'll assume you have no social sense. I'm looking for a guy with common interests who can understand why I'm home on a Friday night taking an online class for my new DSLR. So yes, what you convey in your profile is very important to me.