The stress of house hunting with a spouse

[Anonymous]

As to the features, remember that if you buy a plain box and then will want to add features it will cost you WAY
more then if you put it in the mortgage. Also, if you never lived through even a smallest renovation then
you have no idea the inconvenience, dust, dirty ducts, horrible noise and disturbance to the whole family
life for a long time with questionable benefit of doing later then buying it now.

We did it once, plain box. I was the one insisting on it. Then I had to go through the process..
finding trustworthy people that you want even let into your house with all stuff and kids in,
finding best prices, buying materials, supervising.. If you start upgrading floors, countertops,
kitchen cabinets and decks, it will turn into total nightmare and will take away from your life
and that will strain your marriage much more.

I will never ever look for home to remodel if I can only help. The only way I could do it is
if I were super rich, could move to a great hotel and live there through the renovations
of my castle. But that is not one of my problems.

[Anonymous]

If you are moving from out of the area, I would definitely rent for 1 year before buying. This will give you time to figure out exactly where you want to live, learn more about the commute, schools, neighborhoods and such. It will also give you more time to find the perfect house for you. Rushing a home buying decision in DC is just asking for trouble and stress. My wife and I did this when she was pregnant and we knew we needed to move quick. It wasn't a pleasant experience, and we already knew the area and could look at houses every week.

[Anonymous]

One other thing, if you are military isn't there a good chance that you could get another duty assignment out of DC? If there is even a 25% of that happening I wouldn't buy, I would rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is this hard for everyone. It's a huge emotional, lifestyle, and financial investment.

The HGTV effect doesn't help.

+1000

You're not alone Op. It's one of the biggest investment of your life (besides kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I LOVE house shopping! We have a running list of the non-negotiables that we agree on and a budget and we do not deviate.

LOL, enjoy house hunting for the rest of your lives!

We aren't looking to move. But we buy real estate as landlords and it never takes us long to evaluate a property and agree on whether or not we want to buy it. And yes, we DO like looking at real estate. We spent an entire day in Paris looking at homes for sale one time.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm single, so I didn't have some of the drama you're having. But I did go through the same emotions. I did worry that I'd never find anything, I did worry about blowing my budget. I did worry that I'd end up homeless, at least temporarily. As it turns out, I did have to find lodging for 6 weeks and pay to move stuff into storage. I did go $10K over my "absolute max" budget. I did almost pull the trigger a few times on houses that, looking back, would have sucked. I almost pulled the trigger on one house that had significant maintenance issues, and I almost pulled the trigger on one that had schools I wouldn't have been happy with.

But in the end, I found something great and didn't have to compromise too much. A lot of this is normal and you just have to get through it. Sounds like your husband may be panicking a little inside about the commitment and the possibility of making a mistake, but he maybe can't admit it, or he isn't aware he's doing that. Hopefully it'll turn out ok for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's a reflection of the health of your marriage, honestly, OP. Most people skate through the routine of their lives without realizing their marriage may need work, until these things come up, like buying a house in a hot market, or a sudden illness or job loss, and pushes them into truly interacting with one another in a different way.

We have to sit down and refocus your priorities. Make a list of needs and wants, locations and price range.
Then take the list and visit only houses in those locations and price range. Whittle it own accoring to whether they have your "needs". Choose the one which also has some "wants".

And keep in mind that renting is so much better than buying if you haven't found something you both like!

I disagree. It is more of a reflection on the state DMV real estate. Everyone has to make hard choices. Making a hard choice *with* yourself is even more stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, step back. It is not you, it is the market and the pressures of time that you are putting on yourself.
Normally both of you would most likely have different expectation from a house and this should
be agreed upon first. Otherwise you are looking at wrong homes that you argue about.
Make a list of things each one of you can and can not live with and then you will have
a clear picture of what is that both of you agree upon. Keep the list in mind every time
you see a home and if it is not on her and his list then it is not on their list.

Other then that, why rush, do as others suggested. Rent and wait.
DC market is going to slow down and a lot. Not that there are no people wanting to buy or sell.
No. It is because those who want to sell might want to hold on to their homes for longer
trying to wait through the uncertain geopolitical and their job stability times.
Since most people who live in DC area work for government, the job security is not just there
at this time. Even if not fore everyone, enough people is affected to affect those, who are not
affected directly.

Buying a new house is best for new home owners low maintenance and bills. a highway isn't a big deal kids end up doing Activia and sports and are home for homework dinner and also sleep

[Anonymous]

Ummmm- sump pumps are a must have for a house with a basement. Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I LOVE house shopping! We have a running list of the non-negotiables that we agree on and a budget and we do not deviate.

LOL, enjoy house hunting for the rest of your lives!

NP, but it is possible. When DH and I were looking, we had a hard budget and the following non-negotiable:
2 bedrooms
Enough outdoor space to grill
Central A.C.
Walkable to metro or major bus line

That was it. We had other things we wanted, but those 4 were the things we would not budge on. I think we spent a grand total of 5 weeks searching, and that includes 3 houses we put in offers on but did not get.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you go out with the agent and take him back to the ones you liked!

[Anonymous]

Maybe it would be best to write down your desires/what is a must/likes, etc; dislikes/what I’ll compromise/etc., along with your husband. Each of you write your own lists. By finding ways to make it easier for your husband, and your husband doing the same for you, could help. It’s worth a try! All the best to you!

[mmmb]

House hunting isn't easy. Maybe it would be best to write down your desires/what is a must/likes, etc; dislikes/what I’ll compromise/etc., along with your husband. Each of you write your own lists. By finding ways to make it easier for your husband, and your husband doing the same for you, could help. It’s worth a try! All the best to you!