Mom Friend is a Drug Addict

[Anonymous]

Nannies are only mandated reporters of physical or sexual abuse of children not alcoholic or drug addicted parents.

[Anonymous]

cocaine and marijuana isn't that bad, is it?

[Anonymous]

froggymom wrote:What a painful and difficult situation for you and your friend. Your concern shows you are a good and caring friend. Sometimes just having a caring person around can be healing for those suffering from addiction. I will be praying diligently for you and your friend.

+1

I agree with the PPs about calling either 911 or CPS. I'm usually a very much 'mind your own business' type, but not in this case. Especially if they kids are still young.

[Anonymous]

What are you going to do OP?

[Anonymous]

Every female friend I have had in the last 10 years were all drug addicts. Pain pills, anxiety pills, ADHD fake diagnosis pills.

One by one I cut them out of my life. I can't be around people that are hopped up on dope.

When they die unexpectedly, I will not be surprised. Middle aged women and not one seems to realize they are dope fiends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every female friend I have had in the last 10 years were all drug addicts. Pain pills, anxiety pills, ADHD fake diagnosis pills.

One by one I cut them out of my life. I can't be around people that are hopped up on dope.

When they die unexpectedly, I will not be surprised. Middle aged women and not one seems to realize they are dope fiends.

Is it that bad? I am 44 and my kids are in private schools. I don't really know if any of the mothers are on drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

She is a high functioning alcoholic and hides her alcohol use very well. She doesn't appear drunk a lot of the time even though she has had a lot to drink. Involving the police and CPS seems like it'd be very traumatic for the kids. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. They are 8 and 5 yrs old. Ideally she would be the one that goes and gets help so as not to disrupt the kids' living situation. I wish she would consider that but again, it's very tough to discuss with her. Or I wish her DH would put his foot down and leave with the kids but he won't do that.

CPS won't take the kids automatically.

It would be more traumatic for those children to DIE IN A FREAKING CAR ACCIDENT than to head it off and involve the authorities. And it's slowly traumatic for them to live that way, despite the awesome nanny.

How would you feel if they got hurt or killed and you had done nothing to save them?

And involving the police and CPS might be a wake up call for DrunkMom. Remember, addicts have to reach Rock Bottom before they will change.

You are being a coward. No way would I ever enable a person like you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

She is a high functioning alcoholic and hides her alcohol use very well. She doesn't appear drunk a lot of the time even though she has had a lot to drink. Involving the police and CPS seems like it'd be very traumatic for the kids. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. They are 8 and 5 yrs old. Ideally she would be the one that goes and gets help so as not to disrupt the kids' living situation. I wish she would consider that but again, it's very tough to discuss with her. Or I wish her DH would put his foot down and leave with the kids but he won't do that.

CPS won't take the kids automatically.

It would be more traumatic for those children to DIE IN A FREAKING CAR ACCIDENT than to head it off and involve the authorities. And it's slowly traumatic for them to live that way, despite the awesome nanny.

How would you feel if they got hurt or killed and you had done nothing to save them?

And involving the police and CPS might be a wake up call for DrunkMom. Remember, addicts have to reach Rock Bottom before they will change.

You are being a coward. No way would I ever enable a person like you are doing.

What a horrendous comment! You are an ass, pp! I am actually a concerned friend that just recently found out about the endangerment to my friend's children and am trying to figure out the best solution by asking for advice from people that have been through this. Forgive me for never having had circumstances like this before and not immediately responding perfectly. I am actually a very concerned caring friend who is trying to figure out the best thing to do. I am from from a coward! A coward would sit back and do absolutely nothing. I can't rush and call the cops or CPS until I know she is actually in the middle of endangering them, i.e. driving at that very moment drunk with the kids in the car. If I call the cops any old day, they're going to show up at her house, find nothing wrong and the kids will be traumatized that the cops showed up at their house questioning their mother for what looks like no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies are only mandated reporters of physical or sexual abuse of children not alcoholic or drug addicted parents.

O/T but how are nannies mandated reporters? They don't belong to a larger governing group. They are just individuals. (not saying they shouldn't report)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

She is a high functioning alcoholic and hides her alcohol use very well. She doesn't appear drunk a lot of the time even though she has had a lot to drink. Involving the police and CPS seems like it'd be very traumatic for the kids. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. They are 8 and 5 yrs old. Ideally she would be the one that goes and gets help so as not to disrupt the kids' living situation. I wish she would consider that but again, it's very tough to discuss with her. Or I wish her DH would put his foot down and leave with the kids but he won't do that.

CPS won't take the kids automatically.

It would be more traumatic for those children to DIE IN A FREAKING CAR ACCIDENT than to head it off and involve the authorities. And it's slowly traumatic for them to live that way, despite the awesome nanny.

How would you feel if they got hurt or killed and you had done nothing to save them?

And involving the police and CPS might be a wake up call for DrunkMom. Remember, addicts have to reach Rock Bottom before they will change.

You are being a coward. No way would I ever enable a person like you are doing.

What a horrendous comment! You are an ass, pp! I am actually a concerned friend that just recently found out about the endangerment to my friend's children and am trying to figure out the best solution by asking for advice from people that have been through this. Forgive me for never having had circumstances like this before and not immediately responding perfectly. I am actually a very concerned caring friend who is trying to figure out the best thing to do. I am from from a coward! A coward would sit back and do absolutely nothing. I can't rush and call the cops or CPS until I know she is actually in the middle of endangering them, i.e. driving at that very moment drunk with the kids in the car. If I call the cops any old day, they're going to show up at her house, find nothing wrong and the kids will be traumatized that the cops showed up at their house questioning their mother for what looks like no reason.

OK you have no clue what you are talking about. CPS will investigate whether or not she is actively drunk driving at the time. Do you really think the only way to investigate child abuse is when the child is currently in the middle of their beating??!!

Maybe do some real research about Child Endangerment and how they work up these cases.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a mandated reporter in my previous career. PP is correct that drug use in itself is not reportable to CPS; however, child neglect is reportable, if that were the case with this mom. Calling CPS does not always translate into having the kids taken away or even an investigation. In fact, you can call CPS even if you are unsure if something is reportable or if you just need guidance or resources. If you do see mom entering a car intoxicated (with or without her kids, let's face it....she can kill other people on the road as well), then you could call the police.

[Anonymous]

Op, for your immediate response, i'd tell her that you will not get together while she's on drugs/alcohol. And you can tell when she is. That sets you apart from the enablers. you be honest with her and tell her that you know you can't make her get help, but you can control who you hang out with and who your kids hang out with and you won't do it with someone drunk/high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

She is a high functioning alcoholic and hides her alcohol use very well. She doesn't appear drunk a lot of the time even though she has had a lot to drink. Involving the police and CPS seems like it'd be very traumatic for the kids. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. They are 8 and 5 yrs old. Ideally she would be the one that goes and gets help so as not to disrupt the kids' living situation. I wish she would consider that but again, it's very tough to discuss with her. Or I wish her DH would put his foot down and leave with the kids but he won't do that.

CPS won't take the kids automatically.

It would be more traumatic for those children to DIE IN A FREAKING CAR ACCIDENT than to head it off and involve the authorities. And it's slowly traumatic for them to live that way, despite the awesome nanny.

How would you feel if they got hurt or killed and you had done nothing to save them?

And involving the police and CPS might be a wake up call for DrunkMom. Remember, addicts have to reach Rock Bottom before they will change.

You are being a coward. No way would I ever enable a person like you are doing.

What a horrendous comment! You are an ass, pp! I am actually a concerned friend that just recently found out about the endangerment to my friend's children and am trying to figure out the best solution by asking for advice from people that have been through this. Forgive me for never having had circumstances like this before and not immediately responding perfectly. I am actually a very concerned caring friend who is trying to figure out the best thing to do. I am from from a coward! A coward would sit back and do absolutely nothing. I can't rush and call the cops or CPS until I know she is actually in the middle of endangering them, i.e. driving at that very moment drunk with the kids in the car. If I call the cops any old day, they're going to show up at her house, find nothing wrong and the kids will be traumatized that the cops showed up at their house questioning their mother for what looks like no reason.

OK you have no clue what you are talking about. CPS will investigate whether or not she is actively drunk driving at the time. Do you really think the only way to investigate child abuse is when the child is currently in the middle of their beating??!!

Maybe do some real research about Child Endangerment and how they work up these cases.

I have no clue about CPS because I've never dealt with a situation like this. Forgive me for not knowing CPS protocol inside and out. I'm asking for guidance from helpful people on here. You are OBVIOUSLY NOT one of them. Your response is to attack me for not knowing any better when I have absolutely no experience with this. You sound like a very smug lawyer (am I right ?!!) who would rather trash my intellect than be helpful.

So let's go by your scenario since you seem to know so much. I tell CPS that my friend regularly does drugs/drinks at home when her kids are around. They go over there. They see she's had a little to drink but is not obviously drunk. They look for drugs (not even sure they can do this), they don't find any. Kids are playing dolls and an on iPad as they normally do. What would CPS do? Come back every day and check? It's my word against hers. It's not like the house looks any different than most people. She drinks and uses drugs and hides it very well so what would they possibly do? These kids are not being physically abused or obviously neglected. So enlighten me please, PP!

[Anonymous]

They will talk to the children. They will question the people in contact with the kids: the nanny, the mom, the dad, maybe the teachers. And yes, they can make follow up visits.

I don't know if they will find enough evidence to make an intervention. But OP you have already decided there isn't enough evidence and that's not your job.

And it might be a wake up call for either her or the father to actually do something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't help someone who doesn't want help or who doesn't think they have a problem. It's one of those true cliches.

If it's to the point where she no longer tries to hide it from her kids and is actually endangering them, then you need to step in and call CPS. Or if you have knowledge that she's leaving with the kids, call 911 or even the non-emergency number for your location and let them know you're sure she's drinking while driving. Or if the kids have a play date and you know she'll show up drunk, stall her, call the police and let them know you have a parent there to pick up a kid who is drunk.

She is a high functioning alcoholic and hides her alcohol use very well. She doesn't appear drunk a lot of the time even though she has had a lot to drink. Involving the police and CPS seems like it'd be very traumatic for the kids. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. They are 8 and 5 yrs old. Ideally she would be the one that goes and gets help so as not to disrupt the kids' living situation. I wish she would consider that but again, it's very tough to discuss with her. Or I wish her DH would put his foot down and leave with the kids but he won't do that.

To me, the ideal situation is wrapping her in support. I speak from direct experience, sometimes NOTHING HAPPENS even when there is actual child abuse. An outsider can only do so much unless it is obvious and dangerous. Otherwise, the insiders need to step up.