MIL keeps buying kids crap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL wont stop buying crap for our child. I say crap, because it's usually useless, fun-for-a-minute type of stuff. Then it sits taking up space.

I've told her to stop buying things, or leave them at her house.

She did for a while, but now, every time they come home, they have another piece of junk, and MIL says, "But they wanted to bring it home SOOO bad."

I tell her to take it home and she insists, "They can bring it back next time they come over."

Tactful way to decline the crap without insulting?

OMG, do we have the same MIL?

[Anonymous]

Another idea is to put some of the junk in a box on a shelf away somewhere. And on a day when everyone is feeling cooped up (rain, sickness etc) pull it down and let them do nuts. Then, toss some of it, add new junk, and put it away again...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine brings cakes, cookies, candy, etc. every single time. Told her we needed to limit that sweets for health reasons. Next time she showed up with oranges and apples. Just can't come empty handed so I give up.

LOL - you are complaining about oranges and apples? Get some help.

Ask for wine next time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother used to do this so I convinced her to open a bank account for the kids instead so that when they are older they will have an account they can use for something special like a study abroad trip or another memorable from grandma experience. She actually really got into it (and declared it can't be used for a car!!) and loves seeing the account balance rise and imaging what the kids will do with it. My 10 year is aware of the account and will talk to her about it. My nieces go to the bank with her to deposit the funds and it is their outing. My 10 year old has close to $10k between birthday, holiday and random grandma $ so all that plastic junk adds up!

I absolutely LOVE this idea.

You are a genius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL did that and it (along with lots of other things) annoyed me to no end.

With three kids it really added up when she was buying 5-10 gifts each for Christmas and bdays.

I bit my tongue and just graciously thanked her, even as I bitched to husband later after the kids went to bed.

But in front of the kids it was always graciousness and appreciation.

I am so glad I handled it this way instead of choosing to make this a hill worth fighting over and damaging an important relationship over cheap plastic crap.

Over recent years, my aging inlaws have been dealing with increasing health issues, to the point that the past few gift giving events have decreased in quantity. This past Christmas, my kids skyped with grandparents and opened truly minimal Christmas gifts. They were enthusiastic and grateful, because that is how we always behaved when given a gift. It did not matter that one received sweatpants and the other a couple packs of pokemon cards instead of the piles of presents they were used to.

And more importantly, the grandparents got to experience the joy of giving to gracious recipients, whether it was a $10.00 Target T or piles of licensed crap.

Ask yourself this OP, is making a doting grandparent feel bad and potentially damaging a close family relationship worth it over a bunch of cheap crap that you can easily filter out once it is "broken" or "lost"? How important is thia battle of stuff to you? What kind of recipients do you want to teach your kids to be? The kind that intuitively know how to be gracious and appreciative no matter what the gift? Or the kind of person that only wants what they want, and is okay with making someone feel bad for giving the wrong thing?

This is great. You bitch about what you have until it is gone.

If MIL was NOT involved in the kids lives or NOT giving gifts, there would be a post about how horrible she was. People just need to find something to bitch about and it is a shame.

So ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine brings cakes, cookies, candy, etc. every single time. Told her we needed to limit that sweets for health reasons. Next time she showed up with oranges and apples. Just can't come empty handed so I give up.

LOL - you are complaining about oranges and apples? Get some help.

I guess I should have explained better -- massive quantities (big Costco boxes) all cut up -- I have don't have the space to store them in my fridge and we can't possible eat that much before they go bad.

She cuts of big boxes of fruit!? LOL. Well, if it were me I'd be making applesauce (SUPER easy), muffins, tossing them in salads, sharing with the neighbors or coworkers etc.

I love this - for every person who bitches - there is someone who finds a positive.

When handed lemons...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's much you can do, but I feel you, OP. The disgusting consumerism in this country makes me ill. People are obsessed with material things and we're all getting dumber by the minute because of it. Not to mention how it destroys the environment. I always feel that people who buy loads of crap have the emptiest lives.

LOL - wow. I bet you're a lot of fun.

Grandma wants to get the little ones things because she loves them and somehow that makes her empty and a disgusting cog in the capitalism wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL did that and it (along with lots of other things) annoyed me to no end.

With three kids it really added up when she was buying 5-10 gifts each for Christmas and bdays.

I bit my tongue and just graciously thanked her, even as I bitched to husband later after the kids went to bed.

But in front of the kids it was always graciousness and appreciation.

I am so glad I handled it this way instead of choosing to make this a hill worth fighting over and damaging an important relationship over cheap plastic crap.

Over recent years, my aging inlaws have been dealing with increasing health issues, to the point that the past few gift giving events have decreased in quantity. This past Christmas, my kids skyped with grandparents and opened truly minimal Christmas gifts. They were enthusiastic and grateful, because that is how we always behaved when given a gift. It did not matter that one received sweatpants and the other a couple packs of pokemon cards instead of the piles of presents they were used to.

And more importantly, the grandparents got to experience the joy of giving to gracious recipients, whether it was a $10.00 Target T or piles of licensed crap.

Ask yourself this OP, is making a doting grandparent feel bad and potentially damaging a close family relationship worth it over a bunch of cheap crap that you can easily filter out once it is "broken" or "lost"? How important is thia battle of stuff to you? What kind of recipients do you want to teach your kids to be? The kind that intuitively know how to be gracious and appreciative no matter what the gift? Or the kind of person that only wants what they want, and is okay with making someone feel bad for giving the wrong thing?

This is great. You bitch about what you have until it is gone.

If MIL was NOT involved in the kids lives or NOT giving gifts, there would be a post about how horrible she was. People just need to find something to bitch about and it is a shame.

So ungrateful.

Clearly, you two are in the minority. Are you both grandmas who buy shit for your grandkids? Three pages of people are telling you to PLEASE STOP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's much you can do, but I feel you, OP. The disgusting consumerism in this country makes me ill. People are obsessed with material things and we're all getting dumber by the minute because of it. Not to mention how it destroys the environment. I always feel that people who buy loads of crap have the emptiest lives.

LOL - wow. I bet you're a lot of fun.

Grandma wants to get the little ones things because she loves them and somehow that makes her empty and a disgusting cog in the capitalism wheel.

If she loves them so much, she can take them places. Not buy them Dollar Tree junk. Especially when the parents ask her not to. I'll just start dumping my trash off at your house. You can dispose of it when you're ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL did that and it (along with lots of other things) annoyed me to no end.

With three kids it really added up when she was buying 5-10 gifts each for Christmas and bdays.

I bit my tongue and just graciously thanked her, even as I bitched to husband later after the kids went to bed.

But in front of the kids it was always graciousness and appreciation.

I am so glad I handled it this way instead of choosing to make this a hill worth fighting over and damaging an important relationship over cheap plastic crap.

Over recent years, my aging inlaws have been dealing with increasing health issues, to the point that the past few gift giving events have decreased in quantity. This past Christmas, my kids skyped with grandparents and opened truly minimal Christmas gifts. They were enthusiastic and grateful, because that is how we always behaved when given a gift. It did not matter that one received sweatpants and the other a couple packs of pokemon cards instead of the piles of presents they were used to.

And more importantly, the grandparents got to experience the joy of giving to gracious recipients, whether it was a $10.00 Target T or piles of licensed crap.

Ask yourself this OP, is making a doting grandparent feel bad and potentially damaging a close family relationship worth it over a bunch of cheap crap that you can easily filter out once it is "broken" or "lost"? How important is thia battle of stuff to you? What kind of recipients do you want to teach your kids to be? The kind that intuitively know how to be gracious and appreciative no matter what the gift? Or the kind of person that only wants what they want, and is okay with making someone feel bad for giving the wrong thing?

This is great. You bitch about what you have until it is gone.

If MIL was NOT involved in the kids lives or NOT giving gifts, there would be a post about how horrible she was. People just need to find something to bitch about and it is a shame.

So ungrateful.

Clearly, you two are in the minority. Are you both grandmas who buy shit for your grandkids? Three pages of people are telling you to PLEASE STOP!

Nope.

Just a daughter in law who is wise enough to know that cheap plastic crap and stuff is not more important than nurturing a good relationship with a loving grandparent, and some battles are just not worth fighting over when they are so easily solved in other, non hurtful ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's much you can do, but I feel you, OP. The disgusting consumerism in this country makes me ill. People are obsessed with material things and we're all getting dumber by the minute because of it. Not to mention how it destroys the environment. I always feel that people who buy loads of crap have the emptiest lives.

LOL - wow. I bet you're a lot of fun.

Grandma wants to get the little ones things because she loves them and somehow that makes her empty and a disgusting cog in the capitalism wheel.

If she loves them so much, she can take them places. Not buy them Dollar Tree junk. Especially when the parents ask her not to. I'll just start dumping my trash off at your house. You can dispose of it when you're ready.

Our kid learn how to treat people (including us) with every interaction we have with others.

[Anonymous]

When everything has to be on your terms Exactly. The. Way. I. Want. It.
you miss out on so much in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL did that and it (along with lots of other things) annoyed me to no end.

With three kids it really added up when she was buying 5-10 gifts each for Christmas and bdays.

I bit my tongue and just graciously thanked her, even as I bitched to husband later after the kids went to bed.

But in front of the kids it was always graciousness and appreciation.

I am so glad I handled it this way instead of choosing to make this a hill worth fighting over and damaging an important relationship over cheap plastic crap.

Over recent years, my aging inlaws have been dealing with increasing health issues, to the point that the past few gift giving events have decreased in quantity. This past Christmas, my kids skyped with grandparents and opened truly minimal Christmas gifts. They were enthusiastic and grateful, because that is how we always behaved when given a gift. It did not matter that one received sweatpants and the other a couple packs of pokemon cards instead of the piles of presents they were used to.

And more importantly, the grandparents got to experience the joy of giving to gracious recipients, whether it was a $10.00 Target T or piles of licensed crap.

Ask yourself this OP, is making a doting grandparent feel bad and potentially damaging a close family relationship worth it over a bunch of cheap crap that you can easily filter out once it is "broken" or "lost"? How important is thia battle of stuff to you? What kind of recipients do you want to teach your kids to be? The kind that intuitively know how to be gracious and appreciative no matter what the gift? Or the kind of person that only wants what they want, and is okay with making someone feel bad for giving the wrong thing?

You are a very wise mother! I admit to not always being as gracious as I should be, but your post is a good reminder to take the longer term view. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used to do this so I convinced her to open a bank account for the kids instead so that when they are older they will have an account they can use for something special like a study abroad trip or another memorable from grandma experience. She actually really got into it (and declared it can't be used for a car!!) and loves seeing the account balance rise and imaging what the kids will do with it. My 10 year is aware of the account and will talk to her about it. My nieces go to the bank with her to deposit the funds and it is their outing. My 10 year old has close to $10k between birthday, holiday and random grandma $ so all that plastic junk adds up!

I absolutely LOVE this idea.

You are a genius.

+1000. Great idea!

[Anonymous]

My brother and I had relatives who gave strange and useless gifts when we were kids.
I was more about what they wanted us to have than what we wanted or needed.

As adults, we bond about it.

Gifts are a way to say, "I saw this and thought of you." Snoopy on a skateboard from a Happy Meal? Looks like plastic trash. Kid sees it and thinks, "We had fun that day,". Not everything has to be an heirloom and disposing of excess stuff is a skill. Look at the learning opportunity!!!