is this ok, or is it groveling, or even taking a passive aggressive dig

[Anonymous]

We have a girl like that in our neighborhood. She is very mean to my DS and I too have loudly told him to ignore bullies. She was taken aback and complained to her parents. They had her back and tried to do the whole "oh, let's be friendly neighbors." You are raising a kid who's calling others "retards", "dumbasses" and you think it's so cute b/c she has curls and little bows in her hair?

They also raised a stink when they found out we didn't invite her to DS' b-day party. I blatantly told them "I am surprised she was offended. She made it clear she wasn't his friend so why would he invite her?" Stand you ground, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are WAY overthinking this whole scenario.

This. Stop calling your kid a dork. Get him better clothing and teach him to ride his bike. Some kids are just mean.

Ok, ok, aggressive people are out in full force! I will take the pieces of your advice that might be helpful, but you've made horrible assumptions.

I did it affectionately, and only here, not to him of course! I only said it to explain in one word that he's different from these kids. That's fine. I understand his interests are different than most kids, and it's ok for people to not be friends when they have nothing in common or are different ages. I don't hold it against any of the children that they don't want to play with my son - I only hold the grudge for the mean comments. He dresses fine and obviously we're working on the bike situation. He's less mature, having just turned 6 last week and a K, while the others are 2nd-6th grades (with the exception of a 3 year old sibling). If he was athletic, they'd accept him, but he's still in to super heroes and can't throw a football and has no interest in chasing down flags. He's in scouts and gymnastics and soccer/t-ball, depending on season, and our family is very active with our community. He's got several friends at school that share his interests and we trade play dates with them. But, at 6, we can't constantly have his friends over and if he hears kids, he wants to play outside or ride down the street. Surely you don't suggest I keep him locked inside on a beautiful day because of a mean girl? I think teaching him to run and hide is the opposite of teach self-confidence, but maybe I'm missing something. But, again, thank all for the attempts to be helpful and I hope to pick some helpful tips up!

Is it ok to make fun of your kid, or anyone for that matter, to call them names, as long as you don't do it to their face? Perhaps you are sensitive to these neighborhood kids bullying because you feel guilty for feeling the same way? Ask yourself, "Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it true? Is it necessary" if it's not, then it doesn't need to be said. Teach your kid that as well. I have no problem telling any kid or adult that, in a firm but friendly manner. It's a neutral way of asking them to think about what they've said and why - rather than shaming them for what they said. Teaching them to think about the intent of their words will go a long way to bringing up a thoughtful kid.