is this ok, or is it groveling, or even taking a passive aggressive dig

[Anonymous]

No need to say anything, OP.

Been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

She's probably being nicer be she knows that you know she is being an asshole and doesn't want you tell her mom.

[Anonymous]

op, I've said something directly to kids before. They were so shocked that I would use the tone and words I used that they stopped making fun of my son. In the first instance, very similar to your instance, a girl was making fun of my son and telling him where he could walk and not walk (you can't walk on that part of the sidewalk...you can't walk on the grass...) I got down to her level and whispered in her ear that she was being mean and she does not have the right to tell my son where he could walk or not walk. That she does not own the sidewalk and he could walk wherever he wants. And that no matter how mean she got, she should remember that I can always be meaner.


the second kid was calling my kid names. My kid has a slight physical disability that makes him walk a bit lopsided and he can't run very well. I went to him and basically told him that calling people those names is mean and I don't ever want to hear him calling anyone mean names. Interestingly, this second boy stopped and actually started including my son in some games. It's been about a year and they are now (still) really good friends and play together almost daily. He actually was/is a sweet kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and maybe that's why I have no problem correcting a neighbor child on rude behavior. Little Bullies grow up to be big bullies if they don't get corrections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are WAY overthinking this whole scenario.

This. Stop calling your kid a dork. Get him better clothing and teach him to ride his bike. Some kids are just mean.

I agree. It takes like three afternoons to teach a kid who is already riding easily with training wheels to ride a bike and catch a football. Worry about your own kid, not the neighbors.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like mean Lucy and he is sweet Charlie Brown! You were right to tell her off, and I wouldn't worry about it further. If a kid is a little shit in front of you, you get to call her out directly - I would not have done the passive agressive thing. I would have said, Lucy, you are being cruel. Trust me, her mom is not going to call you out for being direct and calm.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a problem with what you did, OP, though I think it would have been better to be direct and positive in your approach to the girl. Basically, the rule has to be: would you be okay with the other kid's parents hearing what you said? I assume not--there is no way ANY parent appreciates his/her child being spoken to that way by another parent--but I can still understand why you did it.

I am shocked by how rude and mean kids can be. It doesn't happen often--and I am around kids a lot--but it does happen. And, in my experience, girls tend to be much savvier and thus more skilled at cruelty.

That said, you have to let it go now. Absolutely nothing good can come from following up on the interaction. On the other hand, if the girl behaves cruelly toward your son again, I think it is entirely appropriate for you to talk to the parents directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op, I've said something directly to kids before. They were so shocked that I would use the tone and words I used that they stopped making fun of my son. In the first instance, very similar to your instance, a girl was making fun of my son and telling him where he could walk and not walk (you can't walk on that part of the sidewalk...you can't walk on the grass...) I got down to her level and whispered in her ear that she was being mean and she does not have the right to tell my son where he could walk or not walk. That she does not own the sidewalk and he could walk wherever he wants. And that no matter how mean she got, she should remember that I can always be meaner.


the second kid was calling my kid names. My kid has a slight physical disability that makes him walk a bit lopsided and he can't run very well. I went to him and basically told him that calling people those names is mean and I don't ever want to hear him calling anyone mean names. Interestingly, this second boy stopped and actually started including my son in some games. It's been about a year and they are now (still) really good friends and play together almost daily. He actually was/is a sweet kid.

BOOM goes the dynamite! lol
I hate mean little kids, you go mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it would be weird. You basically told her daughter that she's a bully, when you haven't had the guts to bring up the behavior to the mother.

I can tell you what likely didn't go down:

"Mom, Ms Jones called me a bully."
"That's because you are! You be nice to Sam!!!"

Thank you for the opinions. So you think I should talk to the mom about the mean behavior? I thought talking to the mom would just make it totally over the top, since kids are kids and some are just little pains.

No, no, no. Just drop it and move forward. Quit looking for more ways to complicate your life.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the posts - but OMG - this could be my street. My son is six and small and a bit awkward. The older kids and even the younger ones are mean. I haven't said anything to the mother whom I like very much. One boy In particular is the worst. His nanny has over heard the things he says. Honestly after the last time I just told my son that Larlo is not being very nice let's not play with him for a while. And so that is what we did. It is easier because it is winter and the kids are all inside. Nanny has tried to correct the behavior. I have been aggressive with setting up other playdates I didn't know what to do - it broke my heart because my son really liked kid. It was making my son sad, and this me. I hope he grows out of it.

[Anonymous]

Hello Mom,
I believe the best approach is to encourage your son that being different is okay even if others do not like him (or his behavior). At times, children can be mean to anyone whether they’re pretty, talented, smart, etc. However, I would continuously speak positive words to him that will encourage him. For example, “you are smart”, you are kind, etc.
Hang in there! You have a wonderful son and you are a great mom.
I wish the best for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you should have been up front. What's done is done. Good advice to ask if you would have been ok if the parents heard you. I would absolutely want someone to correct my child if they were doing this.

You should teach your child about what a friend is. Friends are nice and don't make you feel bad about yourself.

You say that they have different interests. So, they are mean and playing games that he doesn't want to play? He should look for other friends. Easier said than done but take more walks in the neighborhood. See if there are kids one street over who he could play with.

[Anonymous]

The neighborhood kids should be nicer but you could help by teaching him how to ride a bike. Learning to ride a bike separates big kids and little kids in many kids' minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a little bully all of the time, because most kids know better than to start making fun of another kid right in front of that kids parents. To me, the fact that she was so comfortable in doing so says that this is her normal personality & her parents know it. I don't think you were being a bully to her at all, you got the message across without speaking directly to her. Most parents I know don't want you directly reprimanding their kid no matter what it's about, they'd rather you come to them than say anything to their kid. Yippy got your

I don't see anything wrong with what OP did. It might have been better to say something to the girl directly, but she was also making a point to her son. And I agree...a kid that makes fun of another kid in front of adults is another level of obnoxious. I would not facilitate additional interactions with this girl. Your kid should be polite and friendly to these kids, but he has to learn that sometimes people won't want to play with him, and be able to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a little bully all of the time, because most kids know better than to start making fun of another kid right in front of that kids parents. To me, the fact that she was so comfortable in doing so says that this is her normal personality & her parents know it. I don't think you were being a bully to her at all, you got the message across without speaking directly to her. Most parents I know don't want you directly reprimanding their kid no matter what it's about, they'd rather you come to them than say anything to their kid. Yippy got your

Nope. If the other parent is there, of course I will let them handle it. But if they aren't there (or aren't handling it if they are there!) I will address the kid, respectfully but firmly, in the moment, and let him/her know the behavior isn't OK. If the kid is respectful and changes the behavior, great. If they are disrespectful and/or keep doing it, I will go to the parents. I think it's ridiculous that we are scared to correct bad behavior when it's happening because a hypersensitive parent might get ruffled. I hope that other adults are correcting my kids (firmly, respectfully) if they do something wrong.