Would you give $500 or $1000 to a Facebook acquaintance you know is struggling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it as a gift, and anonymously. I recently helped out a cousin I'm not remotely close to (haven't seen or spoken to him in about 15 years), for many of the same reasons -- seems like a good kid, having a hard time, he's super broke and it wouldn't hurt me at all. It wasn't much money, but he was incredibly grateful, kept promising to pay me back that week, etc. I told him to not worry about paying me back and I felt pretty good about the exchange.

Within a week he was back asking for more, with a story about why he needed it that basically invalidated the previous story of why he needed money the first time. Lesson learned.

I've been trapped like this before. It's hard when your "poor" family thinks you are so right. I had a cousin ask for me to pay for college when I was 30 years old. Fool me once...

[Anonymous]

I would do it OP. I came from a similar town and I understand that sense of relationship, even if you weren't the best of friends. It's so nice that you appreciate what she has to offer just as an acquaintance.

I like the idea posed by another PP about calling the mechanic and putting money towards fixing her car. Let us know how it works out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do it OP. I came from a similar town and I understand that sense of relationship, even if you weren't the best of friends. It's so nice that you appreciate what she has to offer just as an acquaintance.

I like the idea posed by another PP about calling the mechanic and putting money towards fixing her car. Let us know how it works out!

OP already said that this person bought her car from a disreputable place. The last thing I would do is offer a dishonest used car dealer $1000 and tell them to put it toward car repairs. Give the money directly to the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do it OP. I came from a similar town and I understand that sense of relationship, even if you weren't the best of friends. It's so nice that you appreciate what she has to offer just as an acquaintance.

I like the idea posed by another PP about calling the mechanic and putting money towards fixing her car. Let us know how it works out!

OP already said that this person bought her car from a disreputable place. The last thing I would do is offer a dishonest used car dealer $1000 and tell them to put it toward car repairs. Give the money directly to the person.

The car dealer and the mechanic that will fix the car aren't necessarily the same entity.

[Anonymous]

I would give it as a gift with no strings attached. if you can figure out a way to do it anonymously, do that, but if not just send her a check. I think it's very kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give it as a gift with no strings attached. if you can figure out a way to do it anonymously, do that, but if not just send her a check. I think it's very kind.

+1 OP, if you have the means it would be a great thing to do .. contribute to a better world too

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-university-of-central-florida-forum/generosity-creates-its-ow_b_8759478.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a wonderful impulse and you should follow it for sure.

I agree. This world needs more random acts of kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give what I could afford but not a loan

Op here. I was thinking a "loan" would be more palatable so she doesn't feel like a charity case but perhaps that's not the right approach. How could I do it annonymously if I don't have her address?

Your impulse to give is very admirable and I would encourage you to follow through on it. I understand your view on not trying to make it uncomfortable for her and that's why you want to offer up a loan but as other posters have said, that's probably going to actually create more discomfort.

Here are a few suggestions:
1) You could write her a sweet note sharing a memory that you remember from when you were friends. Then offer up the money by saying how much you admire her and her kids and that you would like to contribute to her life in the way that she contributed to yours when you were younger.
2) If you are in the same town, you could hire her for a job and then "tip" her the extra money at the end and share some nice words with her.
3) If you are not in the same town but know mutual acquaintances, you could have one of your mutual friends hire her and then tip her the extra money.

Whatever you do, please act on your generosity. For this act of kindness will not only be appreciated by your acquaintance friend, your soul will be enriched as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give it as a gift with no strings attached. if you can figure out a way to do it anonymously, do that, but if not just send her a check. I think it's very kind.

+1.

[Anonymous]

No unless I'm related to the person and even then it depends on the kind of person they are.

[Anonymous]

Rule: Never give loans to friends and family. Only give gifts.

Only give what you can afford to never get back. If they pay you back anyway, then great. But don't make it an expectation.

[Anonymous]

Gift it to her as a gift, not a loan.
I love the ideas for doing it anonymously.
I just gave $4000 to someone I know (not a close friend) who needed it as a deposit for housing. She has several kids and can afford the rent but had nothing saved for a deposit. I will never see that $4k again, because surely they will trash the house in some way, etc, so she won't get it back. And because of who she is, she will always lurch from one crisis to another, so it's not as if this solves all her troubles. But, hey, it solves one big immediate problem for her family, and makes really no material difference in my life. You can call me a sucker. Yes, I could have put that $4k in an index fund and had gobs more money 20 years from now. But they call it personal finance for a reason, it's personal, and personally I get a kick out of being a random guardian angel now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a frequent reader and rare poster to Facebook. I grew up in a smaller city and went to school with many of the same kids from 1-12 grades, many of whom are on FB. I'm FB friends with a girl who was a close friend in elementary school and an acquaintance in high school. I haven't spoken to her in real life in 20 years. I know you can't judge anyone by their FB postings, but I enjoy reading her updates because she's such a free spirit, has interesting thoughts, posts interesting art, music and articles, has a good relationship with her kids, and she doesn't seem to whitewash her life just for the sake of social media. She got pregnant in HS, so her oldest son is in college now. She struggled for years as a single mom, put herself through college, seems to have had another failed relationship and now has 3 kids (1 college, 2 middle school), who appear to be creative, kooky kids who are close to their mom. 2 of them are Eagle Scouts and the oldest is working his way through a small regional college.

Anyway...she just bought a car from a less-than-reputable dealer, which promptly broke down and needs a new engine. Our city doesn't have good public transportation, so a car is vital to keeping a job. She's asked on FB for leads for odd jobs that she can pick up in addition to her current FT job so she can afford the car repairs.

I don't know why, but I have an urge to help her. She seems like a nice person and a great mom who has done the best with the cards she's been dealt, and she's kept a good attitude throughout. Of course, I have no way to know if this is the whole story since I see her life only through the FB lens.

Is it incredibly weird to offer her a $500 or $1,000 loan? I know I would have to expect to not be repaid. Should she be able to easily get a loan from a bank or a money lender or something similar so she doesn't really need a cash loan, but is really just looking for extra work? (Fully acknowledging my privilege here - I genuinely don't understand how easy or difficult it is to get money from a place like that). If you needed cash pretty desperately, how would you feel about a relative stranger reaching out to offer some?

Does she go to church? Can you teach out to the Scouts? I would do it anonymously through them or maybe you can send a money order - no idea how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend hasn't asked anyone for money. She hasn't started a GoFundMe site. She's asked people for help finding odd jobs so she can raise / earn the money herself. This is huge for me. Because of how she's going about it, I'd absolutely gift her whatever I could afford, with no strings attached. I'd also do it anonymously.

You seem to know the dealership where she bought the car. Will they be the ones servicing the vehicle? If so, go there, and give them $1,000 towards her engine repair, and ask them to tell her it was an anonymous donation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a VISA gift card with a (non-mutual) friend's return address on it, but it send it certified return receipt, so you know she got it. She should be able to put that toward the car repairs.

+1