Bad relationship with my little sister that I want to fix

[Anonymous]

I was a jerk older sister too and I did apologize to my younger sister. I didn't plan it out, but I said what needed saying and we are much better for it.

I might suggest you writing an apology in a letter first and then asking to speak again in person if she would like to do that. If you get to meet up in person after she receives the letter, count yourself lucky and make amends. From then on, just call. Leave a voicemail. Send a text. Stay in touch. Adult to Adult. Try to leave the family issues in the background and treat her like you would a friend that knows a lot of the same people you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd leave your sister alone. It's not about you - who cares that it hurts you to know that you hurt her? You can get therapy on your own, but if your sister doesn't want a relationship with you, disrespecting the boundaries she's set forth for herself at this point in life, is well... completely disrespecting her further. It sounds like she's had enough of that.

I had a brother like you, whom I am estranged from. The relationship is irreparably damaged. The fact that he still emails me/texts sometimes is proof that he has no regard for the boundaries I've put in place, and he knows I want nothing to do with him. I've blocked him - but I still get the group replies.

Stop thinking about yourself. For once, think about your sister - what would she want? If she doesn't want anything to do with you, then respect that.

I think yu are projecting a bit. OP didn't say she and her sister were estranged, her sister has not cut her off, they are just not close. It's admirable for OP to think about how she can repair any damage she may have caused to her sister. If her sisters says she wants no contact and OP violates thhat, then it's a different story.

"but now we barely speak and hardly look at each other when we're in the same room."

That sounds like estrangement to me, or perhaps slight social graces when in the company of others. At the very least, it's obvious that OP's sister isn't interested in more.

An apology could work wonders here. Never apologizing for bad behavior because you just assume the other person won't care or doesn't want to hear it isn't the answer. An apology or broaching a subject isn't disrespecting a boundary. If the sister isn't receptive, then it's done.

Start with an apology. Write it out to make sure it's right--don't give excuses for your bad behavior, just say that you know that you treated her badly and you are ashamed of how you acted. Tell her that you know that your actions damaged your relationship, but that you would like to do what you can to repair it, because you love her. Don't talk yourself out of apologizing.