Any stories of well adjusted happy kids after divorce

[Anonymous]

I'm glad my parents got divorced. They fought all the time and I hated it. I was 8. My sister was 11. We both have had issues throughout our lives. Was it the divorce? Was it something else? I don't know how you'd be able to parse out what is what.

I will say that we're both very happy now, and in good marriages. Having some hardship in life isn't always a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This won't be a popular answer, but as a school administrator I can easily guess if a kids parents are divorced before they tell me. It messes them up more than you know.

I agree.

I come from a family of teachers and coaches and they all say similar things.

What are the signs?

[Anonymous]

OP-- You sound extremely selfish. Think long and hard about what you are about to do. You will devastate your children. I am guessing that you are lusting after another guy right now. Put your children first. How can you even think of doing this to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This won't be a popular answer, but as a school administrator I can easily guess if a kids parents are divorced before they tell me. It messes them up more than you know.

I'm sure. But my kid would be more messed up if I had stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so very glad my parents divorced but my dad was an alcoholic. I hated hearing him get drunk and yell at night when I was trying to sleep. I hated his temper too. Thankfully, 50/50 custody wasn't' the thing back then. I think 50/50 custody isn''t good for kids. My brother and I are not scarred for life. I am grateful we lived with my mom and only saw my dad every other weekend. He usually took us to his parents so the actual childcare was done by my grandmother.

Mine was and is an alcoholic. Unfortunately for my sister and I, they didn't get divorced until we were grown. As an adult, I start crying by just hearing grown-ups fight in FRONT OF THEIR CHILDREN. I don't even care what 2 grownups do when there are just 2 of them, but children have nowhere to escape.
I dreamed of being grown and gone, but it was another 10 long abusive years before it happened. My sister and I both escaped to the other side of the ocean.

[Anonymous]

So the consensus on dcum is stay together even if it makes you miserable and you fight all the time? Ridiculous!!!

My parents got divorced when u was in my teens. When I look back I don't feel sad or upset because they divorced. I feel sad and upset that my mother stayed so long in a marriage where a man verbally and emotionally abused her. I have my relationship issues but let me tell you, those kids that have both parents married can still have issues and still be as emotionally unstable as divorced kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking of divorcing my DH, but worried about the effect on my kids, who would find it to be a complete surprise. My DH and I don't fight, we are good coparents, we just have completely different emotional needs. So, for those you have divorced a good father, how has it affected your kids?

Do you think your emotional needs will be more fulfilled as a single mother of 2? If you said "i want my freedom back" - i'd say go for it, sister. But you might be swapping for a situation that's not any more fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

The myth is married parents = children with no issues. So not true. My parents stayed married when they should have divorced. I had messed up relationships in my 20's and 30's, was in years of therapy and didn't get married until 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is you cannot always KNOW that they are "well adjusted". They might tell you they are, but really they are not. In some cases they won't even know themselves how damaged they are until they are in their 20s and understand things better with the help of a therapist.

In my case, if you had asked me as a kid, I would have said "yes I was happy" but in retrospect, no I was not happy. My parents divorce inflicted deep, life-long damage on me.

+1 from another child of divorce. I will never divorce. My kids will not go through what i went through and continue to go through at 35. Marriage is hard. 15 years in with two young kids it's not perfect but the kids are my first priority, not me.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you guys tried counseling? Life is too short to not be happy in your marriage, but when kids are in the mix it's worth trying to make it work if you can IMO. Don't stay if you're truly miserable, but don't just give up if you haven't tried to work on things. Maybe the threat of divorce would make your DH shape up?

My parents divorced when I was 9 - I never saw them fight and was completed blindsided when they told my sister and I. My dad sounds like your DH and was and is a great father. My dad moved immediately to a new house that he rented and eventually my parents had split custody. My parents work really hard to co-parent and keep things as normal for us as possible (despite my mom hating my dad as I later found out he had an affair and that's why they divorced). My dad remarried a year after the divorce and I hated my step mom. She was extremely competitive, controlling and just a horrible person and my dad was totally blinded by her and how badly she treated us.

I think the hardest thing growing up, besides hating my step mom, was the shared custody and going back and forth. We were with my mom Mon, Weds and every other weekend, and my dad on Tues, Thurs and every other weekend. My parents only lived 5 mins away from one another but I hated having to shuttle all my stuff back and forth and it felt like I lived out of a bag.

I would say once my parents both remarried (my mom did when I was 17 and my step dad is amazing) things settled down completely and got even better. Now as an adult, my mom and dad are actually friends and we always do holidays, celebrations, events altogether. My family is out of state so it is a bit competitive when we go home to make sure we spend enough alone time with each party as well.

Despite all of the above I would say my sister and I were completely well adjusted and turned out fine with no issues. But, we were not always happy growing up.

[Anonymous]

Read Judith Wallerstein's 25 year study on children of divorce. I know many people considering divorce won't want to read this, but you should. She is very clear that sometimes divorce is the necessary thing, but the things that really harm children in divorce are often NOT what you think.

[Anonymous]

Me. My parents divorced when I was 3 and I'm fine. They had joint custody and both stayed heavily involved. I think that's key. I spent half the week with one parent and half the week with the other. They were also very respectful of each other throughout my childhood.

[Anonymous]

I am in the process of getting divorced and not by my choice. I believe and will always believe that an in tact family is best for the kids and I would have done anything to keep my family together. My husband simply was not happy and decided to leave. I feel that his choice was childish and weak and still do. That being said once of my kids seems fairly unfazed by the split where as my other child although doing well is clearly hurt and deeply affected by it. My husband and I are doing everything "right" - we are congenial and we have a schedule where they primarily reside with me as we believe its best for the kids. He can see them or talk to them whenever he wants and when he has them they can always call me etc.

OP, get into therapy and really figure out where your dissatisfaction with your life is coming from and try to fix your marriage. You will not necessarily be happier down the road until you do that and your kids will be better off for the work you do on yourself. I so wish that my husband would have done his work on himself so my kids weren't in this situation now.

[Anonymous]

My parents got divorced when I was 3 and my Dad moved to a different town. Neither parent ever sad a bad word about the other one until I was an adult. My dad was pretty uninvolved in my life and didn't contribute financially but called to check on me regularly and I went to stay with him from time to time when I was young. As an adult, I see that he had some mental health issues and really wasn't capable of being a good father or husband. But my mom was fantastic and very stable and I would say that I had a very happy childhood.

I'm pretty well-adjusted. Married for a long time, three good kids, good education, good job. Never slutty, like one PP upthread suggested For me, the key was that my parents never criticized each other in my presence.

I think some of it may be personality, though. I know families where the divorce had huge effect on one kid, but no on others. Perhaps I was just pre-disposed to be okay, but if I had had a different personality, it would have really bothered me.

[Anonymous]

The Donald's kids seem very happy and almost perfect.

Whatever he did.... Do that.