Pity party: not invited to holiday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they're your neighbors your houses are about the same size. So it's a cop out to claim you can't host. You chose to. I have slowly over the last few years cut back on hosting parties because I realized I was spending $300+ on a bbq or football game or party for people who NEVER EVER did the same. It gets old and is no longer worth it.

I host parties because I enjoy doing it, and if I didn't enjoy doing it anymore I would stop. People hosting me in turn has no effect on the fun I get out of hosting my parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they're your neighbors your houses are about the same size. So it's a cop out to claim you can't host. You chose to. I have slowly over the last few years cut back on hosting parties because I realized I was spending $300+ on a bbq or football game or party for people who NEVER EVER did the same. It gets old and is no longer worth it.

I host parties because I enjoy doing it, and if I didn't enjoy doing it anymore I would stop. People hosting me in turn has no effect on the fun I get out of hosting my parties.

Yes. That's why I stopped.

[Anonymous]

Why are everyone's houses so messy??

[Anonymous]

I do not host often because I am an introvert and have anxiety if I was to host a dinner party. I don't drink, maybe I should start and I have young kids that are in bed at 7.

If we get asked for dinner at a friends house, of course we make it as to not be rude. We value their friendship and try to offer a similar return but it stresses me out beyond belief.

Most of my friends are ok with this since they love hosting.

Op, maybe they aren't having it this year. If they are screw them as that kind of sucks since you guys are neighbors and live so close to get disinvited.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's possible they aren't hosting, but regardless I will still make an effort this year to host and/or socialize with them and others more this year.

We used to love hosting back at our old place. The size/layout was easier for parties. But I guess we can do smaller gatherings here. Seems like the only hosting we do these days is for playdates.

[Anonymous]

I also get anxiety when hosting parties, unless I do a lot drinking in which case I usually end up getting hammered since I'm so nervous. I hope people don't exclude because I don't host often

[Anonymous]

So you don't get anxiety attending parties, just hosting? Don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you don't get anxiety attending parties, just hosting? Don't get it.

I'm pp with kids and anxiety. Yes I do get anxiety attending and rarely do unless for holidays or routinely asked for a small dinner get together. Then I go, because I hate to say no. Then I host and hate it and hate doing dishes for two hours after a late night and cleaning all the next day.

[Anonymous]

Like everything else in life: you get what you give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are everyone's houses so messy??

That's America's dirty secret. People buy and shop and hoard and their lives are a mess because no one taught them to be adults. Or because both work and do not have time to clean.

Yes, people can get cleaning people but most do not think that getting their houses cleaned is more important than botox, handbags, Brazilian, getting hair highlighted or getting nails done. In other words, clean house is not a priority, especially when you are never hosting or reciprocating.

We are a part of a social circle where the culture is to host and reciprocate. Guess what? It means my house has to be ship shape because people are always in my house. If I did not have anyone visiting, maybe I would have been a slob too. Sometimes I am thankful that I have house guests because my closets and dressers actually get cleaned out in anticipation of their visit. I am also happy that my kids can call their friends over because we do not live like pigs. And trust me it is soooooo damn easy to let go and live like pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you don't get anxiety attending parties, just hosting? Don't get it.

OP here. That wasn't me. I love attending and hosting parties. Just haven't since we've moved here because of (a) space and (b) time constraints (it's almost 2017 - WTF?!). BUT I will definitely make an effort after the holidays (we are traveling more than usual this year so not around). Just maybe on a smaller scale.

[Anonymous]

Imagine the neighbor's post op: I have friends that will show up if we invite them, but never initiate. I can't tell if they even really like us or are just being polite. Would you just keep inviting them to get togethers?

I think you know what you need to do. You blew it and your excuses aren't that legit, but there is plenty of time to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you would or have excluded a person you liked because they didn't reciprocate?!
I occasionally entertain and have friends who ever do (babies at home), but I adore these friends and excluding them seems malicious and bizarre.

It's not a simple failure to reciprocate. It's a pattern. I get the fact that some people have excuses for why they don't reciprocate. I host a lot. I have no problem with people who don't reciprocate. But I make friends with many people and frankly, although big parties are nice, I often have a limit how many extra guests I can accommodate. In order for everyone to have enough space and food to feel comfortable. I'll have a limit that I can accommodate. I'll invite family and close friends like college friends. I'll then add the extras, parents of my children's friends or people I've volunteered with, or people I've recently met that I'd like to get to know better. New people are on the list and will remain on the list, but over time if they've never reciprocated, then I may invite them less often, in order to make room for other people I'd like to accommodate.

In this case, OP has never reciprocated in over two years and has been invited to multiple gatherings. She's talked about reciprocating, but never has. The friend may have decided that they had too many, so will not invite OP this time, but will again invite her next year if they have space for additional guests.

[Anonymous]

It could be anything, OP. Look at the threads on here that had people saying they didn't want to live on the same street or talk to people who had a candidate's sign on their lawn. If there is a party, they just don't feel like you're close enough to them to include. It could because you didn't host, it could also be because you have an SUV and they think electric is the only responsible way to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to reciprocate, regardless of house size. If you need help on that front, tell us particulars and we'll tell you how to host. After the party, or after the holidays, invite them over. And in a couple weeks drop off a nice card and little holiday treat (homemade cookies or whatever). You can revive the friendship but you have to put work into it, too. Agree with PPs suggestion that you go out that night!

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