Found a pot pipe in teen's room this morning.

[Anonymous]

I have a stricter no drug or drinking approach than a lot of parents in our wealthy-ish community. It's the type of place parents will serve alcohol at parties and there.are.so.many.drugs. It's very white and full of "good kids" who go onto "good colleges" and continue the cycle of wealth building that their families established generations before them.

But my kids are black. And we are the first generation out of poverty and in the upper middle class. First college grads, etc. So, this place seems like Mars to me sometimes. When my oldest son started with the whole "everyone's doing it" thing and I shut it down.

I make a point to frame the discussion around the fact that they can't get away with things that their peers might. It's been instructive with these police shootings because I've drilled it into their heads that drinking and driving or taking drugs is quite literally a life and death thing if they get caught by the police. I've taken this approach over the past three years or so. My oldest is in college and my second is a senior and both keep things fairly straight and narrow. If anything, I think it got them more interested in social justice, the screwed up criminal system and how people find themselves in a pipeline from school to prison. With everything going on in the world, I think it was an effective way to splash cold water on their faces.

OP, I would focus your discussion on the real life impact of drugs. Do you have addiction in your family? Because that might be a good way to begin the discussion of why it's not a good idea to fool around with this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Welllllllll it izz against the law. And it can be very de-motivating. I mean, in many ways I feel it's healthier than a drink/cocktail. BUT there is a reason for the drinking age - children often lack the self control required to imbibe safely.

ALSO the teenage brain is STILL DEVELOPING. It is the LAST organ to fully develop. Introduce pot-smoking NOW and you are looking at a mixed bag of issues that I PROMISE will hold him back as he gets older.

[Anonymous]

Do not accept his excuse when he says he is just holding it for a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alert the media: Teenager smokes marijuana

Bigggggg difference between trying marijuana and smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia.

Bigggggg difference between smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia and an unused pipe.

+1

Kid's that don't smoke weed have nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

OK OP Here
I went home early to talk to him.
He went to europe last summer to study language. He says it is a memento from his trip. He says it has sentimental value - nothing more. I don't think he smoked pot in europe -- we would have been too afraid of getting in serious trouble.

We discussed The Dangers Of Drugs, especially on developing brains. He says I have nothing to worry about - his grades are more important to him than anything. This much i know is true - he would sacrifice anything for grades. But--is it illegal to have the pipe? I know i don't want it out on the desk where my younger child will see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alert the media: Teenager smokes marijuana

Bigggggg difference between trying marijuana and smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia.

Bigggggg difference between smoking enough to harbor paraphernalia and an unused pipe.

+1

Kid's that don't smoke weed have nothing to do with it.

OP's son obviously smokes but it sounds like he does so in moderation based on his behavior and life. Owning a pipe doesn't necessarily change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK OP Here
I went home early to talk to him.
He went to europe last summer to study language. He says it is a memento from his trip. He says it has sentimental value - nothing more. I don't think he smoked pot in europe -- we would have been too afraid of getting in serious trouble.

We discussed The Dangers Of Drugs, especially on developing brains. He says I have nothing to worry about - his grades are more important to him than anything. This much i know is true - he would sacrifice anything for grades. But--is it illegal to have the pipe? I know i don't want it out on the desk where my younger child will see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK OP Here
I went home early to talk to him.
He went to europe last summer to study language. He says it is a memento from his trip. He says it has sentimental value - nothing more. I don't think he smoked pot in europe -- we would have been too afraid of getting in serious trouble.

We discussed The Dangers Of Drugs, especially on developing brains. He says I have nothing to worry about - his grades are more important to him than anything. This much i know is true - he would sacrifice anything for grades. But--is it illegal to have the pipe? I know i don't want it out on the desk where my younger child will see it.

Whether his story is true or not your kid is doing fine, OP. Tell him to keep the bowl out of little sibling's sight and then forget about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Welllllllll it izz against the law. And it can be very de-motivating. I mean, in many ways I feel it's healthier than a drink/cocktail. BUT there is a reason for the drinking age - children often lack the self control required to imbibe safely.

ALSO the teenage brain is STILL DEVELOPING. It is the LAST organ to fully develop. Introduce pot-smoking NOW and you are looking at a mixed bag of issues that I PROMISE will hold him back as he gets older.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK OP Here
I went home early to talk to him.
He went to europe last summer to study language. He says it is a memento from his trip. He says it has sentimental value - nothing more. I don't think he smoked pot in europe -- we would have been too afraid of getting in serious trouble.

We discussed The Dangers Of Drugs, especially on developing brains. He says I have nothing to worry about - his grades are more important to him than anything. This much i know is true - he would sacrifice anything for grades. But--is it illegal to have the pipe? I know i don't want it out on the desk where my younger child will see it.

Sounds good to me, and I'm as anti-drug as you can get for everyone, but especially teens. If you are in Maryland, the paraphrenalia has been decriminalized. Still on the books but police don't arrest for it. Or they shouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Welllllllll it izz against the law. And it can be very de-motivating. I mean, in many ways I feel it's healthier than a drink/cocktail. BUT there is a reason for the drinking age - children often lack the self control required to imbibe safely.

ALSO the teenage brain is STILL DEVELOPING. It is the LAST organ to fully develop. Introduce pot-smoking NOW and you are looking at a mixed bag of issues that I PROMISE will hold him back as he gets older.

I agree with your first sentence. I disagree with your "promise" in the second. I know so many people who were pot heads in HS who are uber successful now. Pot is stronger now so I suspect there is more reason for concern now but don't know either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK OP Here
I went home early to talk to him.
He went to europe last summer to study language. He says it is a memento from his trip. He says it has sentimental value - nothing more. I don't think he smoked pot in europe -- we would have been too afraid of getting in serious trouble.

We discussed The Dangers Of Drugs, especially on developing brains. He says I have nothing to worry about - his grades are more important to him than anything. This much i know is true - he would sacrifice anything for grades. But--is it illegal to have the pipe? I know i don't want it out on the desk where my younger child will see it.

OP, if you believe his story, I have a bridge to sell you. Keep an eye on him. And don't let him keep it - it is not ok for a teenager to keep drug paraphernalia in his room even if it is just a "memento."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not snooping. It is your house.
Take the pipe, and directly confront him with it after school.
Say "What is this, and why do you have it?"
Don't give him time to make up a lie or clever response. He better answer directly.

Be the parent.

These are such stupid things to have. You KNOW what it is. It's a pipe. He has it to smoke weed. Duh.
OP, I have talked with my 13 yr old several times about growing bodies, and brain development and how drugs affect brains. She understands that her brain won't stop growing until she's 24 or 25, and weed kills brain cells. There's no burning desire to use drugs.

[Anonymous]

Ok, OP, it could be true, it's a memento. (I don't believe that but let's say it's true.)

I'd say, look, this is not reflective of our family values, it's inappropriate, illegal, and I don't want it in our house. It has to go.

The real reason it has to go is it's a cue. It normalizes the idea that pot smoking is ok, and for you and your family, it is not.

And btw, holy cow, the difference between pot on an adult brain, and a youth's brain, is significant.

You know I just read an article--argh I don't know where anymore but you can google it--it was the result of a research study and the bottom line was this: that regardless if you are a slacker or a highly motivated non-slacker, pot makes you a slacker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to take it, take a picture with your phone.

OP here - this might work.

You need to immediately confiscate the pipe. If you don't take it now then it may imply you're not really putting the hammer down on the issue. it also may have implications down the road. If you try to ask him for it later, he might give you a hard time or make accuses (its my friends, etc).