Being alone in a marriage. S/O coping techniques.

[Anonymous]

OP, I sympathize and wish I had the answer. We are in counseling right now, but I don't think it is working very well because 1) my husband doesn't really believe it will help and has already given up on us (we stay together for the kids) and 2) I don't think the counselor is that good. Most of the coping mechanisms she has offered up I or we have already tried.

Anyway, since my husband isn't going to change it is up to me to learn to cope and the letting it go or lowing expectations are two possibilities. I also try to find enjoyment in my kids and my own hobbies and with my friends. I am not a person of faith, but I do think that prayer would also be helpful for peace. I also try to think of the good things of a laid back personality - a biggie is no nagging from him.

Another thing that I have not been able to set my pride aside and try is to show affection and give praise for what he does do and stop criticizing what he doesn't do. This is hard since he currently does not appreciate or show affection to me.

If you haven't tried counseling, I would try that, even if for yourself to give yourself hope.

[Anonymous]

This is my marriage too. I could have written this thread last night. My husband is at the low end of helpful when he is not stressed at work, which is like 10% of the time. All other times he is just not capable of doing anything but work and thinking about himself. He also seems to have a threshold of things he can do for me or the kids before he starts to act angry and resentful. I've decided it is easier to just realize everything is on me, and stay away from him as much as I can. Work late then go to the gym, I don't care. I am angrier when he is there and not helping than I am when he is not there at all.

And for those who chime in about omg my poor husband and his job, making money for the family, I make two times what he does. It affords us a lot of outsourcing.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy your kids and do interesting things with them. Find things you love to do and do them. Read books. Exercise, get a trainer, walk, or go to the gym - if it's too hard with kids, get a treadmill.

Stop nagging and stop taking the bait. Hire what you need done. Find a good handyman and cleaning company. Have groceries delivered. If the grass gets long, don't say a word.

If you normally do things for him (laundry, making meals, etc.) slowly cut back until you're not doing them anymore.