Let's play "who's the jerk?" - or at least sympathize with my situation

[Anonymous]

He IS being unreasonable.

First,No one is entitled to your sister's eggs and no one can force her to have a medical procedure.

I have a cousin with secondary infertility. We don't look that much alike but we both have some of our grandmother's features and the same coloring, so a child from one of my eggs could be a believable sibling for her daughter. Her sisters already went through menopause. I'm closer with them than with her, and she felt them out to get my likely reaction to being asked. I said no immediately. I called her to explain directly and said I sympathized, but that there was no way I'd be comfortable seeing my biological offspring raised by someone else, with a different father than my spouse. There was no way I'd ever be able to keep the truth a secret from the child, and no way I could deal with the pain and confusion that child might feel upon learning that "Aunt Larla" was her bio mother.

It's not like donating your ponytail to charity. Yes, the gestational mother is a true mother in every sense -- just as an adoptive parent is a true parent -- but that doesn't mean there aren't issues. I could sooner see donating anonymously.

The second reason your husband is unreasonable is that he is making your loss worse. Like you, you've lost the opportunity to be a bio parent. In his anger he's putting you in a position to feel you've lost your nuclear family too. He should show empathy but he's not.

He needs some counseling. And you two should not consider adoption until you are both sure he's ready to feel grateful for the family you build rather than resentful for the one you didn't get to build.