Crowdsourcing my decision whether to have another baby...please weigh in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

That's the kicker.

Related, when do you predict you'll retire? Can you afford college when you're retired, or right before retirement? If not, are you willing to delay retirement to pay for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

That's the kicker.

Related, when do you predict you'll retire? Can you afford college when you're retired, or right before retirement? If not, are you willing to delay retirement to pay for college?

Hmm, very good point. Also 4 kids means bigger car, another plane ticket, health insurance, bedrooms, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

That's the kicker.

Related, when do you predict you'll retire? Can you afford college when you're retired, or right before retirement? If not, are you willing to delay retirement to pay for college?

She's 37! That's pretty much average around here. The kid would fly the nest by the time she's in her mid-fifties. Don't be alarmist!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want a baby? Does DH want a baby? Can you afford another baby? Do you want to still have kids at home when you're almost 60?

That's the kicker.

Related, when do you predict you'll retire? Can you afford college when you're retired, or right before retirement? If not, are you willing to delay retirement to pay for college?

She's 37! That's pretty much average around here. The kid would fly the nest by the time she's in her mid-fifties. Don't be alarmist!

It's not being an alarmist. But after starting to pay college for most of her 40s for the older kids, and then restarting in her mid-50s, that could cause some financial planning headaches. It could be tough to adequately save for retirement under a two-college-wave scenario.

--Former financial advisor

[AnnaTjacks]

Have you discussed having another baby with your husband? Do you really want another child? To me, a four year difference is not bad. I had my last child at 38 years old. At that time both her sisters were 6 and 8 years old. They have fun even to this day. She gets a chance to visit one of her sisters who is married and stay with her from time to time. My oldest takes her places. It seems like if you do, they will be pretty close. I do understand the struggle. I sometimes wish I had my last child earlier so she can also be a young adult. I pray that you make the right decision for you.

[Anonymous]

I'd brainstorm the other things you could do with this time and energy you have. What about volunteering with kids? I agree it's probably on the irresponsible / selfish side at this point, but don't know enough about you to say for sure.

[Anonymous]

LMAO OP, really? You need anonymous posters to make the decision for you? Now I've seen it all.

[Anonymous]

Do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

That makes sense. I think for me, it's strange because I don't have the feeling of having all the children I want, because one of them is only with us a portion of the time, and I was so young when I had my oldest..I feel like I've only had the sensation of one where I was a truly formed adult. So even though I "have three" it's kind of a false number. I'm afraid I'm going to look back on this window several years down the road and really regret not doing it.

Unless you have a SN kid and you could regret it, and the full house could be forever, and you could kiss the money you saved for the first three for college or your retirement or that bigger car or plane ticket or vacations goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Have two more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

That makes sense. I think for me, it's strange because I don't have the feeling of having all the children I want, because one of them is only with us a portion of the time, and I was so young when I had my oldest..I feel like I've only had the sensation of one where I was a truly formed adult. So even though I "have three" it's kind of a false number. I'm afraid I'm going to look back on this window several years down the road and really regret not doing it.

Unless you have a SN kid and you could regret it, and the full house could be forever, and you could kiss the money you saved for the first three for college or your retirement or that bigger car or plane ticket or vacations goodbye.

I don't regret having my SN child, but thanks for being an insensitive jerk. Sorry you think my life is ruined. Glad I don't.

[Anonymous]

Right now, none of the kids have the same set of parents, right? If so, will it make the oldest two feel left out if the youngest does?

I had a friend with a sibling 17 years younger, who frustrate by the number of people who assumed she was the mom.

[Anonymous]

If you need to crowd source your decision whether or not to have another baby the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't deal with your kids growing and leaving by constantly pumping out replacement babies. At a certain point, you're done and you focus on the family you have.

Ouch. I guess I needed to hear that.

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. But I see this a lot; women realize their kids are now kids and the exciting phase of "building" the family is over and they wig out and start talking babies. It isn't always the best idea, especially if it's just to curb the sense of loss you'll feel at your oldest leaving. One day they'll all be gone. As parents, we have to accept that. Full busy houses of childhood are great. They aren't forever.

That makes sense. I think for me, it's strange because I don't have the feeling of having all the children I want, because one of them is only with us a portion of the time, and I was so young when I had my oldest..I feel like I've only had the sensation of one where I was a truly formed adult. So even though I "have three" it's kind of a false number. I'm afraid I'm going to look back on this window several years down the road and really regret not doing it.

Unless you have a SN kid and you could regret it, and the full house could be forever, and you could kiss the money you saved for the first three for college or your retirement or that bigger car or plane ticket or vacations goodbye.

I don't regret having my SN child, but thanks for being an insensitive jerk. Sorry you think my life is ruined. Glad I don't.

Not at all, PP. I have a SN kid too. The OP needs to face whether or not she could handle this possible reality. She wants a baby that's clear but hadn't even thought that this would mean buying a bigger car for pity sake. She's not exactly a forward thinking planner.

[Anonymous]

My vote is on a dog.