Separating and divorcing but staying friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op wants to remain friends because then she doesn't have to feel like a piece of crap who cheated, hurt her husband, and broke up the family. "We're still friends!" = I'm really not that bad, he still likes me!

Don't mistake his willingness to be a good co parent with friendship. He is not your friend. He doesn't want to be your friend. Friends spend time together. Share their lives. Trust one another. You blew that up. Now you're ex spouses who ideally share kids without conflict.

This is what I think about my cheating ex. If we were friends, she would have evidence that what she did wasn't that bad. We will never be friends.

[Anonymous]

My friends don't lie to me and betray me when they think I'm not looking. I don't have a large number of friends, but the ones I have are incredibly loyal, honorable people. If not immediately, your ex will figure this out for himself. Hopefully his real friends will point him in the right direction, which would be moving far far away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends don't lie to me and betray me when they think I'm not looking. I don't have a large number of friends, but the ones I have are incredibly loyal, honorable people. If not immediately, your ex will figure this out for himself. Hopefully his real friends will point him in the right direction, which would be moving far far away from you.

I thought the same. ^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Him agreeing to be friends with you is a nice deal for you. It proves to everyone who knows you that your betrayal and lying must not have been all that bad because he has forgiven you enough to be your buddy. He, on the other hand, gets to have a "friend" who has no problem lying to him and betraying him whenever she feels entitled to do so. Lucky him. If you still care for this person, you might want to consider walking away and leaving him some dignity.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My goal is to be friendly-because we have kids and I think it benefits everyone if we can make amicable decisions and not ever have our kids witness any animosity. But if we are ever friends again it's going to be way down the road. Far too much hurt and breached trust to really be confidantes. My soon to be ex says he wants to be friends-but in my mind he's made it so clear that he doesn't enjoy my company that I don't see why we'd be friends. If we are such good friends-the we should have stayed married.

Just my 2 cents...

Your husband is really mad at you. He only wants to remain friends because of the connection that used to be there; however, when he spends time with you now, the anger and betrayal take over anything he felt. Love and hate are really closely related. Both are very intense and all-encompassing emotions. When love is betrayed, it can transition to hate, but in the transition is often still confused with love.

This is the important part! You should consider how this all affects your children. If he cannot stand to be with you, spending time with him (even if he says he wants to spend time with you) will harm your children. They will sense the animosity. You need to be separate, but cordial. Maybe over the course of a few years you can build a new, *different* friendship.

[Anonymous]

Seriously. One thing you can consider doing is providing him "favors" when you're together. That would help him get some dignity back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously. One thing you can consider doing is providing him "favors" when you're together. That would help him get some dignity back.

No, because sex affects brain chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously. One thing you can consider doing is providing him "favors" when you're together. That would help him get some dignity back.

No, because sex affects brain chemistry.

It also affects the ability to be legally separated

[Anonymous]

A lot of people manage to remain friends with their ex.

The thing here is, because you are the one who cheated, you need to step back and let your ex decide on how friendly he is comfortable being with you. This isn't up to you. Ideally, he will be able to amicably coparent with you, but civil coparenting for the sake of your kid(s) is all he really owes you. And even that may take some time.

I'm friendly with the ex who dumped me (for getting pregnant) and at times I want to kick him just a little, but most of the time, it really works. But I've had to be very mature and always take the high road, and that may not be realistic with everyone.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to be friends with you and frankly you should let him have his kids and go disappear. Cheating is not OK.

[Anonymous]

I am civil with my XW, but not friends. There is a difference. The real sad part is that 2 DC (now late teens and early 20's, both females) don't want anything to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want to be friends with you and frankly you should let him have his kids and go disappear. Cheating is not OK.

+1. What a self-centered twit.