being friends with your parents as an adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

That's a nasty or jealous reaction. Not sure which. Either way, it's just sad. Plenty of people are close with their parents and the relationship is happy and healthy on both sides. (Not me, but I know a few.)

Agree. What a crazy, ridiculous thing to say. Why couldn't or shouldn't a mother and an adult daughter be close friends?

I do consider my parents to be friends. We enjoy spending time together. My parents treat me like an adult and do not offer unsolicited advice. I feel completely comfortable with my parents, especially my mom. But I wouldn't describe them as "best" friends, because we do withhold information on certain topics. Primarily about our marriages--they don't discuss theirs with me and I don't discuss mine with them. But there is other stuff that I might discuss in detail with a close friend but that I don't go into much with them, often because I don't want to worry them.

OTOH, DH doesn't consider his parents to be "friends," though they are perfectly pleasant, kind people who generally treat us well. But they never stop thinking of themselves as THE PARENTS, who should be honored and deferred to and who always know best. They give unsolicited advice and continue to think of themselves as more experienced and knowledgeable about most things, even though their children are all at least a half century old and do in fact know a lot more than they do about many topics. The upshot is that their children all hold them at arm's length, rarely confiding in them about anything or sharing anything really important with them.

[Anonymous]

Once my children are adults, I'm friends with them. While they're children, I'm not a friend, I'm the parent. I tell them, especially when they're griping about some rules or discipline as teens, that once they're grown I'm really looking forward to NOT telling them what to do, that we will relate as equal adults and enjoy each other's company. So far, it's working out well, as the adult children like to come over, and we have a great time hanging out.

To be friends with your adult children, you have to have respect for each other's boundaries. Every other post in this forum is about how the parents go through their adult children's personal items or try to control their lives or critique what they do. Boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

+1

Your mother is your mother, not your friend. She apparently didn't encourage you to differentiate and form friendships with your contemporaries.

These were completely unnecessary statements. What is wrong with you?

It is also, false. The first PP did not say that she has no friendships with her contemporaries. And, as adults, the parent/child role are not the same as when the children are, well, children. It's possible and healthy to be friends, even "best" friends" with a parent. I've seen it many,many times in close friends and other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

+1

Your mother is your mother, not your friend. She apparently didn't encourage you to differentiate and form friendships with your contemporaries.

These were completely unnecessary statements. What is wrong with you?

It is also, false. The first PP did not say that she has no friendships with her contemporaries. And, as adults, the parent/child role are not the same as when the children are, well, children. It's possible and healthy to be friends, even "best" friends" with a parent. I've seen it many,many times in close friends and other people.

Totally disagree. Every person I know who claims their mommy is their "best friend" has some serious issues and is in an unhealthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

After I went to college, my Mom transitioned into my best friend. She didn't always agree with everything I did, but she acknowledged that I was an adult and had always made good decisions about my life. My Dad was the sweetest man in the world. I miss them so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

+1

Your mother is your mother, not your friend. She apparently didn't encourage you to differentiate and form friendships with your contemporaries.

These were completely unnecessary statements. What is wrong with you?

It is also, false. The first PP did not say that she has no friendships with her contemporaries. And, as adults, the parent/child role are not the same as when the children are, well, children. It's possible and healthy to be friends, even "best" friends" with a parent. I've seen it many,many times in close friends and other people.

Totally disagree. Every person I know who claims their mommy is their "best friend" has some serious issues and is in an unhealthy relationship.

I'm a "best friends" poster -- I wasn't best friends with my Mom growing up. She was my Mother. However, our relationship matured into deep friendship as adults. My husband always said that he loved to listen to me talk to my Mom on the phone, because we would laugh so much. I'm sorry you haven't experienced that. My Mom is gone now, but I have so many wonderful memories....

[Anonymous]

I never say my mom is my "best friend" because I reserve that phrase for close girlfriends but my mom and I are close. We are friends. We talk multiple times a week, we like to do things together, we laugh a lot, we talk about the big and small things in our lives. I hope my daughter enjoys being around me as much as I've always enjoyed being around my mom. We still argue occasionally, but nothing serious. I know how lucky I am.

[Anonymous]

I just got back from a long dinner with my dad. Much wine was drunk, laughs and good natured joking was abundant. I left hoping we'd have many more dinners to enjoy each other's company (not a given, as he has a terminal illness). Things get weird when he jokes about his sex life (remarried) and I know he still considers me his little girl, but at this point I very much consider him mostly a friend. I got lucky though, in that my parents are very loving, fun people but ones who raised us to be independent and respect that we are, so I don't need to deal with any condescending or interfering behavior.

[Anonymous]

All three of my siblings (we are middle-aged now) have great relationship with my parents. My mom was a disciplinarian when we were in school, but she transformed as each of us left for college. She is very supportive and a confidante to not only her children but also her DILs and son-in-law (my DH). I think I was very lucky in the parent lottery. I however never imagined as a child that my parents will become my friends when I become an adult.

I thought that everyone have parents like mine, but now I have realized that great parents are a rarity. Incidentally, my HS kid also had the same revelation. Hearing her classmates bitch about their parents made her realize that so many people have messed up family lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Every person I know who claims their mommy is their "best friend" has some serious issues and is in an unhealthy relationship.

Birds of a feather flock together. You and your friends have messed up relationships with your mothers. It has shaped your personality to be judgemental, rude and abrasive. You have grown into an unpleasant adult. People who have good relationship with their parents as adults were raised by mature and loving people. Their personalities will be very different than yours. There is no way that they will stand to be around you because you are too unpleasant.


Messed up parents raise messed up kids. These messed up kids like to hang out with others like them. This informs their world-view. Your claim above is your worldview. It's ok. People rationalize bad things in their lives, so that they can continue to carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never say my mom is my "best friend" because I reserve that phrase for close girlfriends but my mom and I are close. We are friends. We talk multiple times a week, we like to do things together, we laugh a lot, we talk about the big and small things in our lives. I hope my daughter enjoys being around me as much as I've always enjoyed being around my mom. We still argue occasionally, but nothing serious. I know how lucky I am.

+1 Ah yes, here's the thing my relationship with my mother lacks: laughing. My mother hardly laughs at anything unless other people are laughing and she is positive the laughing is in no way directed at her. Hard to sustain good relationships with most people if you simply can't laugh. No one likes to be around you otherwise.