being friends with your parents as an adult

[Anonymous]

^^and now I feel incredibly guilty...

[Anonymous]

early 30s. i am very good friends with my parents. count my blessings daily- they get on my nerves occasionally, but i am REALLY lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

+1

Your mother is your mother, not your friend. She apparently didn't encourage you to differentiate and form friendships with your contemporaries.

[Anonymous]

I think OP meant getting along with parents. Biting off her head was completely unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP meant getting along with parents. Biting off her head was completely unnecessary.

Well the poster claiming her mommy is her best friend is not the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

+1

Your mother is your mother, not your friend. She apparently didn't encourage you to differentiate and form friendships with your contemporaries.

i feel badly for you and pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

+1

Your mother is your mother, not your friend. She apparently didn't encourage you to differentiate and form friendships with your contemporaries.

i feel badly for you and pp.

That's mighty strange. Happy people don't rely on mommy to be a best friend and good parents don't teach their kids to become "best friends" with someone who should be close with their own peers and who will predecease them by a couple of decades.

No parenting expert or shrink would describe a mother-daughter best friends situation as healthy.

Besides which, best friend is a middle school term.

[Anonymous]

I am in my 40s and my parents are/ were authoritarian and controlling. No way we could be friends, they were still so upset I did not do what they told me to do, even over small things. I envy the relationships my friends have with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, as I have aged I realize my parents are idiots and are not that smart. I think for a long time I thought they hung the moon but since realized they struggle in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP meant getting along with parents. Biting off her head was completely unnecessary.

Well the poster claiming her mommy is her best friend is not the OP.

It's semantics, nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's parents are great. Sometimes MIL will say things that are semi-advice but I don't think she means it maliciously - more that she is surprised at the direction child psychology or science moved in. "When I was raising children we didn't worry at all about babies watching tv."

But in general, they're great. They'll follow the rules we set for the kids, and they're respectful of our house. They've met a lot of our friends. We can spend a long weekend together without anyone having hurt feelings.

What I love about your post, PP, is that you choose to interpret your MIL's comments as expressions of curiosity or interest, rather than criticism or intrusive advice. As a soon-to-be MIL, I've asked friends who have good relationships with their DILs and SILs what I can do to foster such lovely friendships with my future DIL. The advice that has been consistently offered is:
always assume good intentions. This is, of course, a helpful guideline in life generally.

+1 Excellent advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might want to tell your Mother - - that this is the relationship you hope for. In order to have it the young adult has to be an equal: entirely self-supporting. Not dependent on parents for money or favors, or vacations or childcare. Equals. But probably never intimate friends. Not telling each other too much, not confiding too much because there is too much risk in that. Relationships, especially friendships ebb and flow and you can't risk a falling-out. But it's important to talk to each other with respect and care, and insist on it. It must go both ways. I always ask myself, "would I say that to a friend?" If they haven't asked for my opinion, I shouldn't give my opinion or advice unsolicited.

This. Your post hints at you not being 100% self sufficient ("lots of lecturing as if we're just two crazy kids who can't get our act together and need all the help we can get"). I'm not saying your parents aren't acting like assholes, but you need to take a good look in the mirror and determine if there is ANY way that you've given them that impression. Yes, it is possible for some families to lend/give financial support to the next generation without it impacting their feelings towards them...but that is the exception rather than the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible? Now in my 40s, I've been hoping that my parents and I could be friends, but they still like to treat me and even DH like we are kids in need of their guidance and advice. We can never just have a nice meal with them; there's always awkwardness, lots of "you shoulds," lots of lecturing as if we're just two crazy kids who can't get our act together and need all the help we can get. It's a little disappointing.

I find that it's a lot easier to deal with my parents or my ILs if I share an activity with them, rather than just a meal or hang-out time.

My family is big into board games as a hobby, so do that a lot with my dad. With my mom or my MIL, we go to craft shows or music shows or the zoo or go on vacation.

That way if they get into the "you should," you can smile, thank them for the advice and change the topic to whatever activity it is you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mom is my best friend and I love being around my Dad too. I think I just got lucky in the parent department.

Or you're in a unhealthy relationship but you're too deep to realize it. I wouldn't brag about this.

That's a nasty or jealous reaction. Not sure which. Either way, it's just sad. Plenty of people are close with their parents and the relationship is happy and healthy on both sides. (Not me, but I know a few.)