people who alienate friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about this with a friend of mine recently. Turns out we both had friends who at some point just literally stopped talking to his/her friends. A former friend of mine did this after she quit the place where we both worked. On her last day of work (after working there for two years, becoming friends with a few of us, getting drinks after work, attending events with us) she didn't even say goodbye to people-- she just walked out. That night, I tried to call her and she didn't return any calls. Another coworker reached out-- same thing. She just vanished and seemed to want nothing to do with anyone. It was so strange because I honestly thought we were good friends, and so did others. No one could say what happened, if they had a fallout with her or anything. Everyone thought they were on good terms, and then, poof, gone.

Same time happened with someone in college. On the last day of school she just got really quiet, wouldn't look at anyone and pretty much just disappeared after the last day of classes. I saw her at graduation, where she just gave me a weird smile and looked down, and that was it. This one girl who seemed to be her closest friend was really offended afterward and couldn't pinpoint anything that would have made this person just stop talking to her.

What's the deal with people who do this? One moment you're best friends, the next, they don't even want to acknowledge yo/

Let me repeat this just one more time - WORK FRIENDS ARE NOT REAL FRIENDS. period. sorry.

Re your college friend, something may have been happening in her personal life that she couldn't deal with/share and so she just shut people out. This happened to me, but I was in my early teens.

This certainly is not always the case. But you will know if your work friend is a real friend vs an acquaintance based on how much time you spend together outside of work and talking about non-work related things.

[Anonymous]

I stop talking to my friends and classmates , when my mother pass away . I felt stupid and embarrassed . thought no body could understand my situation. I really think they were not my friend because, I couldn't trust them with anything. My mother pass away in a foreign sub developed country I couldn't see or talk to her before she die. I couldn't go to the funeral. I was devastated. No body fault, no body understood what happened to me . I am very quiet and private, reserved person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stop talking to my friends and classmates , when my mother pass away . I felt stupid and embarrassed . thought no body could understand my situation. I really think they were not my friend because, I couldn't trust them with anything. My mother pass away in a foreign sub developed country I couldn't see or talk to her before she die. I couldn't go to the funeral. I was devastated. No body fault, no body understood what happened to me . I am very quiet and private, reserved person.

I'm sorry for your loss. I am also quiet and private. I hope you find someone you can trust to share your grief with.

[Anonymous]

To me the OP is giving examples of people drifting away versus alienation. People drift away from each other for all sorts of reasons. Maybe they never considered themselves close to you in the first place and are happy to be done with that job or that phase of life. Maybe they are going a tough time but have plenty of other friends who support them.

It’s a little presumptuous to think a “friend” from a past job who isn’t staying in touch must be depressed.

[Anonymous]

I have two work friends that have evolved into ordinary friends who I see outside of the workplace, even on Saturdays.

Some work friends are real friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two work friends that have evolved into ordinary friends who I see outside of the workplace, even on Saturdays.

Some work friends are real friends.

Sometimes, sure. But it is often common for work friends to be situational. So if you lose touch with someone you worked with you shouldn't automatically assume that they are depressed.

[Anonymous]

Some people are unable to say goodbye. They dont realize a relationship doesnt have to end.

[Anonymous]

You never know what is going on in someone's life. Sometimes people just are really distracted with other things or are grappling with issues that consume all of their emotional energy.

[Anonymous]

I have found myself cutting people off recently... I have split myself from most of DH's family, my older siblings, my father and recently one of my friend who was getting too involved in my personal life. A few years ago I used to suck it and just play nice but nowadays, you step on my toes, you are out of my life haha seriously I think most of it is hormonal or maybe this is 30. Ha!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you look around and realize some people are not true friends. I cut off two who were total users. Every situation is different, but I expect true friends to be there in bad times as well as good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking about this with a friend of mine recently. Turns out we both had friends who at some point just literally stopped talking to his/her friends. A former friend of mine did this after she quit the place where we both worked. On her last day of work (after working there for two years, becoming friends with a few of us, getting drinks after work, attending events with us) she didn't even say goodbye to people-- she just walked out. That night, I tried to call her and she didn't return any calls. Another coworker reached out-- same thing. She just vanished and seemed to want nothing to do with anyone. It was so strange because I honestly thought we were good friends, and so did others. No one could say what happened, if they had a fallout with her or anything. Everyone thought they were on good terms, and then, poof, gone.

Same time happened with someone in college. On the last day of school she just got really quiet, wouldn't look at anyone and pretty much just disappeared after the last day of classes. I saw her at graduation, where she just gave me a weird smile and looked down, and that was it. This one girl who seemed to be her closest friend was really offended afterward and couldn't pinpoint anything that would have made this person just stop talking to her.

What's the deal with people who do this? One moment you're best friends, the next, they don't even want to acknowledge yo/

I did this. She kept talking about her husband, who had never told his mom he married her, and how they argued about that - when was he going to tell his mom? It was just obvious how this would play out - but she didn't want help, she just complained and complained. I felt totally drained spending time with her. She wasn't interested in anything I had to say, she wasn't interested in my life. One day I said enough and stopped talking to her. Her last message was her husband divorced her. I didn't want to get into that. So maybe you think they're best friends but obviously they weren't.