What kind of personality/personality disorder is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is he verbally or emotionally/psychologically abusive? Does he play mind games and manipulate you? Does he gaslight you (convince you that you did/said the opposite of what really happened so he can get his way on something, or just to mess with your head)?

Your snapshot whiffs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I would need to know the above details to say for certain.

haha Nice parody.

[Anonymous]

No, no gaslighting, mind games or manipulation.

Just lack of empathy and feeling of low attention span. And he's a workaholic x 1000.

It's amazing to me how many people on this board seem to feel that lack of empathy is a good quality, or a natural quality. Or that my wondering what causes lack of empathy or analyzing someone's lack of empathy makes me some sort of drama queen or hysteric.

Is lack of empathy supposed to be the new normal?

[Anonymous]

OP, check out the Out of the Fog website. You're likely to get better answers and insight there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, no gaslighting, mind games or manipulation.

Just lack of empathy and feeling of low attention span. And he's a workaholic x 1000.

It's amazing to me how many people on this board seem to feel that lack of empathy is a good quality, or a natural quality. Or that my wondering what causes lack of empathy or analyzing someone's lack of empathy makes me some sort of drama queen or hysteric.

Is lack of empathy supposed to be the new normal?

If he is a driven workaholic he simply may not have a lot of energy left over to deal with other people's issues. He directs his energy elsewhere and in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a disorder.

Sounds like he lacks anxiety and puts his energy into work, preferring not to overthink things that are not relevant to his life.

If anything, I'd say he's an economist. If he doesn't have the time/energy/concern to care, he doesn't. Nothing wrong with that.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of personality "disorder" feels the need to label a different way of approaching life as a "disorder?"

OP here. The post was titled "What kind of personality/personality disorder is this?" I didn't assume that it was a personality disorder, just a personality type. I was asking for insights and understanding.

The person being described is my father, whom I love very much. I'm just trying to have a better understanding of him, that's all. It's not an attempt at character assassination. Understanding people, and analyzing their strengths, weaknesses, and ways of thinking -- and their ways of approaching life -- is not akin to giving up on them.

And you know, even if he did have a personality disorder, who the hell cares?

OP he thinks you are a whiner who talks too much about themselves, their problems, and the problems of others. Old fashioned male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, no gaslighting, mind games or manipulation.

Just lack of empathy and feeling of low attention span. And he's a workaholic x 1000.

It's amazing to me how many people on this board seem to feel that lack of empathy is a good quality, or a natural quality. Or that my wondering what causes lack of empathy or analyzing someone's lack of empathy makes me some sort of drama queen or hysteric.

Is lack of empathy supposed to be the new normal?

No, but expecting everyone else to care as much about your life as you do is. The need for people to make public declarations on social media regarding either how much they care, or the over sharing of personal problems to elicit outpourings of support is.

Lack of empathy isn't necessarily a good or bad quality : it's just a quality. It sounds as though your dad, although maybe not naturally empathetic, is also still helpful and willing to assist when needed. So, he is not completely lacking.

There was a time, not so long ago, that people worried about their own problems and dealt with them. Sounds like that may be him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, no gaslighting, mind games or manipulation.

Just lack of empathy and feeling of low attention span. And he's a workaholic x 1000.

It's amazing to me how many people on this board seem to feel that lack of empathy is a good quality, or a natural quality. Or that my wondering what causes lack of empathy or analyzing someone's lack of empathy makes me some sort of drama queen or hysteric.

Is lack of empathy supposed to be the new normal?

No, but expecting everyone else to care as much about your life as you do is. The need for people to make public declarations on social media regarding either how much they care, or the over sharing of personal problems to elicit outpourings of support is.

Lack of empathy isn't necessarily a good or bad quality : it's just a quality. It sounds as though your dad, although maybe not naturally empathetic, is also still helpful and willing to assist when needed. So, he is not completely lacking.

There was a time, not so long ago, that people worried about their own problems and dealt with them. Sounds like that may be him.

OP here. Actually, he expects a great deal of attention from me (and other family members) to his problems and issues. So no, that's not him at all. It's simply that he has no time and attention for others' issues and no real capacity for empathy.

And I guess I disagree -- to me, lack of empathy is very much a character failing, not just "a quality."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, no gaslighting, mind games or manipulation.

Just lack of empathy and feeling of low attention span. And he's a workaholic x 1000.

It's amazing to me how many people on this board seem to feel that lack of empathy is a good quality, or a natural quality. Or that my wondering what causes lack of empathy or analyzing someone's lack of empathy makes me some sort of drama queen or hysteric.

Is lack of empathy supposed to be the new normal?

No, but expecting everyone else to care as much about your life as you do is. The need for people to make public declarations on social media regarding either how much they care, or the over sharing of personal problems to elicit outpourings of support is.

Lack of empathy isn't necessarily a good or bad quality : it's just a quality. It sounds as though your dad, although maybe not naturally empathetic, is also still helpful and willing to assist when needed. So, he is not completely lacking.

There was a time, not so long ago, that people worried about their own problems and dealt with them. Sounds like that may be him.

OP here. Actually, he expects a great deal of attention from me (and other family members) to his problems and issues. So no, that's not him at all. It's simply that he has no time and attention for others' issues and no real capacity for empathy.

And I guess I disagree -- to me, lack of empathy is very much a character failing, not just "a quality."

But "character failing" however you define is not a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, no gaslighting, mind games or manipulation.

Just lack of empathy and feeling of low attention span. And he's a workaholic x 1000.

It's amazing to me how many people on this board seem to feel that lack of empathy is a good quality, or a natural quality. Or that my wondering what causes lack of empathy or analyzing someone's lack of empathy makes me some sort of drama queen or hysteric.

Is lack of empathy supposed to be the new normal?

No, but expecting everyone else to care as much about your life as you do is. The need for people to make public declarations on social media regarding either how much they care, or the over sharing of personal problems to elicit outpourings of support is.

Lack of empathy isn't necessarily a good or bad quality : it's just a quality. It sounds as though your dad, although maybe not naturally empathetic, is also still helpful and willing to assist when needed. So, he is not completely lacking.

There was a time, not so long ago, that people worried about their own problems and dealt with them. Sounds like that may be him.

OP here. Actually, he expects a great deal of attention from me (and other family members) to his problems and issues. So no, that's not him at all. It's simply that he has no time and attention for others' issues and no real capacity for empathy.

And I guess I disagree -- to me, lack of empathy is very much a character failing, not just "a quality."

But "character failing" however you define is not a personality disorder.

You're right, it's not. But that's OP's definition of lack of empathy. That it is simply a character failing. Persistent lack of empathy throughout someone's lifetime and across situations is PART (not all) of the diagnostic criteria of some personality disorders.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I never said a character failing was equal to a personality disorder. I don't know a person on earth who doesn't have character failings, including myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I never said a character failing was equal to a personality disorder. I don't know a person on earth who doesn't have character failings, including myself.

Right. You said that lack of empathy is a character failing. I pointed out that persistent lack of empathy across someone's life span and situations is part of the diagnostic criteria for certain personality disorders. When I say persistent lack of empathy, I'm talking about mothers who find out their daughters were molested and simply say "Oh, well he never would have tried that with me." Nothing else. No reporting to authorities. Nothing. And then continue to invite that man to the household and expect the daughter to attend functions where he will be present.

These types of things operate on a spectrum, OP. We all have certain personality quirks and character failings.

[Anonymous]

He's what used to be called "normal", OP.

Only in today's world is "normal" viewed as a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be glib or dismissive here, but sounds like whatever it is it's not going to change, so I would either cut this person out of my life if it's affecting you that much, or stop trying to change them and change your reaction to them.

FWIW sounds like a lot of surgeons I know.

Totally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's what used to be called "normal", OP.

Only in today's world is "normal" viewed as a personality disorder.

+1