Is it hard to be friends with people who make significantly more or less?

[Anonymous]

It can be....yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally understand your question.
Absolutely you can be friends. The challenge comes when she wants to do things and go places that are way outside your budget. Like meeting for lunch at a pricey restaurant or going on a weekend trip to a place you cannot afford.
As long as you don’t try to “keep up with her” and her lifestyle, you can certainly be friends. There may come a point where you need to be honest with her and let her know that some things are just outside your budget.

That was my experience. I am friends with a woman who didrn't seem to understand what's like to live on a budget. I just have to be vocal about what I will and won't do, otherwise she doesn't get it. My husband had just lost his job. We met at a restaurant and she got appetizer, main course and a couple of drinks. I just had a soup. At the end, she asked me if I was ok splitting the check half way!

[Anonymous]

No if you have common interests and your kids get along and have common interests. I'm involved in a couple of interests that kind of override income differences--meaning the circle involves a guy who co-founded a tech company that went public and is a household name and a guy who's making minimum wage.

[Anonymous]

It is hard to be friends with someone who makes less money than me, because that means they are stupid.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative who constantly talks about her extravagant vacations, vacation home, housekeeper etc. I just don't like being around her that much. I'm probably partly jealous but she also just seems very materialistic.

[Anonymous]

I have a set of friends who are top 1% of hhi. Have 2nd homes, buying teslas, vacation in Italy, Cartier watches full time nanny even though in doesn't work, etc.

We are by no means doing badly but are more like top 20% of hhi around here. About 180k hhi.

It is hard. Some of them are more aware of the income gap and don't throw it in our face. Some are new money and talk about material things all the time.

When I'm with them, I like them, but if I saw them every day it would be annoying. Also I have to repeat to myself: you are doing well, this area is a bubble of wealth, and they aren't really trying to be obnoxious.

I'm sure I seem rich to my sibling, who has kids my same age but has declared bankruptcy, barely pulls the rent together every month, does not even have $500 saved and has no retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No if you have common interests and your kids get along and have common interests. I'm involved in a couple of interests that kind of override income differences--meaning the circle involves a guy who co-founded a tech company that went public and is a household name and a guy who's making minimum wage.

Yes..right....an founder of a public traded company and a minimum wage earner...how do they even cross path? Baloney!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not found it to be hard when he have other things in common. If you like her and she likes you, it should be fine.

+ 1

I have a super rich friend who occasionally tells me about her vacations, and then there is another friend who tells me stories about her second part-time job. I don't mind as long as that is not the only thing we talk about. I share other interests with them and they are good people.

Acknowledge the elephant in the room openly, and agree that as friends you are free to talk about your life as well as not judge others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No if you have common interests and your kids get along and have common interests. I'm involved in a couple of interests that kind of override income differences--meaning the circle involves a guy who co-founded a tech company that went public and is a household name and a guy who's making minimum wage.

Yes..right....an founder of a public traded company and a minimum wage earner...how do they even cross path? Baloney!

Baloney? Nope, not if you have hobbies the hipsters--who range from minimum wage earners to dotcom founders-- have embraced and you're from a big city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to be friends with someone who makes less money than me, because that means they are stupid.

That is making a HUGE assumption. Everyone has different circumstances, and real friends would be flexible when one is having financial issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's hard. She want to do things that you can't do because of money. She will not think anything for signing the kids up for something that may cost 300-400 and ask you to do the same. Oh the kids will have so much fun etc. Do not be embarrassed when you have to say you can not afford to do what ever it is.

That is one of the things I am embarrassed about - her kids are in tons of activities - my kids aren't in any. I will sign up my youngest for swim lessons in the summer but they will be at the rec center. We go on vacation once a year, to the beach. There really isn't money for a lot of extras, but we take advantage of all the free stuff in this area (parks, trip to the library every week, etc.). I have very happy kids, but our lifestyle is really simple.

Why are you embarrassed? That seems to be the underlying issue.

[Anonymous]

The issue isn't how much money people make. The issue is the kind of lifestyle they live.

If your friends enjoy doing the same things you do (that you are able to do) and don't live lavish lifestyles (eat at only the most expensive restaurants, for example), then it doesn't matter.

I've known people (friends and relatives) who make less than I make but live too expensive a lifestyle for me to realistically be friends with them (in the sense of frequently doing things together).

I also have a couple of friends I suspect make a lot more than I make, but it isn't really an issue because they're not really into flashy things or expensive activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn't how much money people make. The issue is the kind of lifestyle they live.

If your friends enjoy doing the same things you do (that you are able to do) and don't live lavish lifestyles (eat at only the most expensive restaurants, for example), then it doesn't matter.

I've known people (friends and relatives) who make less than I make but live too expensive a lifestyle for me to realistically be friends with them (in the sense of frequently doing things together).

I also have a couple of friends I suspect make a lot more than I make, but it isn't really an issue because they're not really into flashy things or expensive activities.

+10000....

[Anonymous]

This has more to do with your insecurities and less to do with your friend's financial status. Be confident of your values, your standing in life. For me it's important that our values are same, we share same interests and some similarity in education, outside of these things everything else is frills. Some of my friends wear Chanel, I give them compliments but I have no envy or insecurity because once you take the frills off they are good people who like me for who I am and I like them for who they are.

[Anonymous]

Hard thing will be with the kids. They are very sensitive to who has what, and they do not have the maturity and perspective of adults.