"Girls and Sex" Author on Diane Rehm Show

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anybody who regretted having sex too late.
I know many who wish they had waited longer.

Really? I know people who do.

And actually I don't remember hearing anybody I know, whose first experience was consensual and non-coercive, saying that they wished they had waited longer to have their first experience.

But is that the definition of "premature sex"? Sex that, in hindsight, you wish that you had had later than you did? I wouldn't think that this would be limited to certain ages.

I wish I had had it earlier.

[Anonymous]

It seems overly involved to instruct your child on masturbation. It would've seemed very intrusive to me as a kid. It's perfectly safe so I don't see any reason why it needs to be discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems overly involved to instruct your child on masturbation. It would've seemed very intrusive to me as a kid. It's perfectly safe so I don't see any reason why it needs to be discussed.

Then you have no idea how many girls experience shame about it. The silence on this one aspect of sex is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems overly involved to instruct your child on masturbation. It would've seemed very intrusive to me as a kid. It's perfectly safe so I don't see any reason why it needs to be discussed.

Then you have no idea how many girls experience shame about it. The silence on this one aspect of sex is part of the problem.

I am a woman who was once a girl. My parents didn't discuss it and I didn't feel shame. I agree that there should be no shame but I don't see why I need to talk about it to either my boy or my girl. If it comes up, sure. But actually initiating a discussion? That is intrusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

What is your point in response to my post? makes no sense...at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:00 here. Thank you, OP, for posting the link, as it's a very important discussion topic. I'm just unable to listen right now and am wondering what perspective Diane's guest is coming from.

I think far too many parents have no clue how severely HS/middle school sex is impacting our culture. The CDC has just announced that the biggest jump in suicides is among girls aged 10-14.

Anyone think that premature sex has nothing to do with that?

Anyone think girls aren't suffering from depression when they get dumped by the 'boy of their dreams'?

The CDC didn't just announce it- they announced it in 2007. Why would you think the issue is sex and boys? Those issues have been around forever. Social media, however, has made bullying and shaming a national sport in middle school.

Wrong. The rate among girls ten to fourteen has now tripled.
Of course it's getting fueled by a multitude of reasons, including more and more kids raising themselves in an empty home after school. When and where do you think it's so convenient to have sex?

More than a few of my high school classmates got pregnant in their basements whilst their SAHMs were upstairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

What is your point in response to my post? makes no sense...at all.

Refers to your second paragraph. You didn't want the topic discussed and you don't want to discuss it. This is what I meant by rolling from generation to generation. This lack of full disclosure is a problem according to Orenstein when it comes to girls and women feeling a lack of sexual empowerment.

[Anonymous]

OP I haven't read the book but I'm interested in Orenstein's points (and have read some shorter pieces which I've discussed with my DH).

My kids are young, 8 (boy) and 5 (girl). So apart from using anatomically correct language and remaining generally "body positive" we haven't talked about much yet.

I had consensual, caring sex for the first time at age 15 and I actually do wish I'd waited. I very likely would have had sex with the same boy under similar circumstances so it's not that I have regrets there but rather that I threw myself heart and soul into a very serious relationship when I was in many ways still a child.

And while I would have been mortified had my mom wanted to chat about masturbation, I often longed for an adult who could have helped me navigate the heady waters of love, sex, relationships, self-worth/validation, etc... Even if I can't be that person for my own daughter or son I hope to be having conversations with them about a decade before my mom did so with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems overly involved to instruct your child on masturbation. It would've seemed very intrusive to me as a kid. It's perfectly safe so I don't see any reason why it needs to be discussed.

Then you have no idea how many girls experience shame about it. The silence on this one aspect of sex is part of the problem.

I am a woman who was once a girl. My parents didn't discuss it and I didn't feel shame. I agree that there should be no shame but I don't see why I need to talk about it to either my boy or my girl. If it comes up, sure. But actually initiating a discussion? That is intrusive.

I have to agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

What is your point in response to my post? makes no sense...at all.

Refers to your second paragraph. You didn't want the topic discussed and you don't want to discuss it. This is what I meant by rolling from generation to generation. This lack of full disclosure is a problem according to Orenstein when it comes to girls and women feeling a lack of sexual empowerment.

So are you saying I don't feel sexual empowerment because my mom did not discuss my clit with me or how to properly masturbate? I didn't know one needed their mother to be their masturbation Sherpa to have a healthy relationship with sex. Here I thought I was quite content humping my pillow. Glad Orenstein has it all figured out for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I haven't read the book but I'm interested in Orenstein's points (and have read some shorter pieces which I've discussed with my DH).

My kids are young, 8 (boy) and 5 (girl). So apart from using anatomically correct language and remaining generally "body positive" we haven't talked about much yet.

I had consensual, caring sex for the first time at age 15 and I actually do wish I'd waited. I very likely would have had sex with the same boy under similar circumstances so it's not that I have regrets there but rather that I threw myself heart and soul into a very serious relationship when I was in many ways still a child.

And while I would have been mortified had my mom wanted to chat about masturbation, I often longed for an adult who could have helped me navigate the heady waters of love, sex, relationships, self-worth/validation, etc... Even if I can't be that person for my own daughter or son I hope to be having conversations with them about a decade before my mom did so with me.

My mother was generation flower power and longed herself to have those conversations with me and it was awkward, horrific, and unwanted. The only worse thing would have been to witness my parents having sex.

It would have been great to have an aunt or adult figure to talk about those things, but my mother-HELL NO. A mother judges and worries, and no matter how "progressive" she thinks she is that judgment and worry will always come through because she is, your mother after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

What is your point in response to my post? makes no sense...at all.

Refers to your second paragraph. You didn't want the topic discussed and you don't want to discuss it. This is what I meant by rolling from generation to generation. This lack of full disclosure is a problem according to Orenstein when it comes to girls and women feeling a lack of sexual empowerment.

New poster, you are funny. You never had a question at 9:21, you just wanted to argue your point that you are very smugly confident of.

People were probably best of not responding to someone who lacks humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

What is your point in response to my post? makes no sense...at all.

Refers to your second paragraph. You didn't want the topic discussed and you don't want to discuss it. This is what I meant by rolling from generation to generation. This lack of full disclosure is a problem according to Orenstein when it comes to girls and women feeling a lack of sexual empowerment.

So are you saying I don't feel sexual empowerment because my mom did not discuss my clit with me or how to properly masturbate? I didn't know one needed their mother to be their masturbation Sherpa to have a healthy relationship with sex. Here I thought I was quite content humping my pillow. Glad Orenstein has it all figured out for me.

No one ever said anything about instructing! Simple validation that it's normal and healthy was all that was said. You all think such validation from a mother is worthless?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I find it interesting no one wants to reply to my 9:21 post. Crickets as usual.

There was nothing really to respond to.

My girl is not old enough to talk about masturbation, but I have with my boys and asked them to do it in privacy and to clean up after (not throw the sock on the floor!). Nothing is wrong with it and we don't treat is like it is dirty. My daughter would touch herself when she was little because it made her feel good and we would always tell her that it is OK to do, but to please do that in her room and not at the kitchen table.

Personally, I would have died if my mom would have talked to me about my clit or masturbation. I would not have been interested in that convo at all. I had plenty of sorrid books that explained these things in graphic detail. THe important thing is to NEVER treat sex or sexuality like it is dirty.

Well perhaps the lack of education and empowerment as Orenstein puts it rolls from generation to generation resulting in the outcomes she observes.

What is your point in response to my post? makes no sense...at all.

Refers to your second paragraph. You didn't want the topic discussed and you don't want to discuss it. This is what I meant by rolling from generation to generation. This lack of full disclosure is a problem according to Orenstein when it comes to girls and women feeling a lack of sexual empowerment.

So are you saying I don't feel sexual empowerment because my mom did not discuss my clit with me or how to properly masturbate? I didn't know one needed their mother to be their masturbation Sherpa to have a healthy relationship with sex. Here I thought I was quite content humping my pillow. Glad Orenstein has it all figured out for me.

No one ever said anything about instructing! Simple validation that it's normal and healthy was all that was said. You all think such validation from a mother is worthless?

Who said that? Do you think modern mothers are telling their girls their clits don't exist or are dirty and this is leading to suicide? Get real. You just want to start a fight. Maybe you are bored.