Sister thinks I'm mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of telling someone that they look tired? I mean, damn, I know whether I am tired. It's not like they ever tell you at a point in your day when you can take a nap, either.

It would not bother me at all if someone -- anyone -- said I looked tired. It would never occur to me that they were saying "you look like crap." I would assume they cared about me.

Is this you OP? 10 people have said saying you look tired = you look like crap. So maybe you don't think it means that but you can hopefully now see how many people including your sister feels like this. I don't understand how it means someone cares about you though? Are you fling something about it that shows care or just pointing it out? What about all the other lovely things you tell your sister like how superficial she is... You say this to her because you care?

No, this was not the OP. I'm a middle aged woman and I've had plenty of different types of friends and acquaintances and work relationships, and I would never in a million years interpret "you look tired" to be an underhanded insult. I don't expect that I look perfect all the time, and I don't pretend people see only a flawless me. That seems juvenile. If someone said "You look tired," I would take it as an opening to tell them why.

I wouldn't expect someone to tell me in passing that I'm superficial, though....

I understand what you mean. I honestly though after hearing a lot get irritated. Yes I am tired are you going to help? Then don't mention it, I already know I look like a train crash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop giving advice she didn't ask for. That is mean. It's pointless to feel bad about yourself b/c someone else feels bad about themselves. That's just pathetic.

Mean? You're awfully delicate, if you think that is mean.

NP, recognizing when someone is being unnecessarily critical and mean doesn't make you delicate.

[Anonymous]

If someone looks tired they probably are and therefore are probably cranky as well. Stop telling people they look tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone looks tired they probably are and therefore are probably cranky as well. Stop telling people they look tired.

+1

"You look tired" might be a statement of concern, but it's also a statement that the person looks terrible. Because if they looked great and glowy, you wouldn't say they looked tired. And often, tired people already know that they are tired and look like crap.

More importantly, if you know this bothers your sister, why do you keep saying it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll provide examples:

Sister has moderate to very little acne. Pink zits along her forehead and maybe 3 zits on her right cheek. They're not noticeable when she has foundation on. She spends all her spare time browsing the Internet and spending the little money she has on expensive lotions and supplies to cure her acne. As a teen I had awful cystic acne all over my face and kids bullied me for being a pizza face. I eventually out grew my acne and now have bad skin but my sisters skin is still, even with her few zits, better than mine. When I see how grossed out and horrified she is with her zits, it makes me feel ashamed about my skin and my acne ridden past. She is always mad at me because when she fussed about her skin I recommend she calm down and not fret so much. I tell her that regarding acne she really doesn't have it that bad and a little cover up will fix it. She rolls her eyes and says I'm not supportive.

She is extremely defensive about any suggestion or comment made her way that isn't gushing or flattering. If I see her at the end of the day and she looks tired she immediately get mad and says, " wow thanks for being so nice!" Or if I casually mention that I think she is kind of superficial that I'm a mean person who doesn't know her.

I feel like I just can't win. If I tell my friend she's tired, she'll go on and explain that she's had a long day and can't wait to go to bed. My sister would jump at my throat. Am I in the wrong?

Yeah, you actually sound kind of mean. Who "casually mentions" that someone is superficial? If you know that your sister doesn't like you to comment on how tired she looks, why do it? If you know her acne bothers her, why tell her it doesn't matter? Maybe try biting your tongue the next time you are tempted to criticize her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone looks tired they probably are and therefore are probably cranky as well. Stop telling people they look tired.

+1

"You look tired" might be a statement of concern, but it's also a statement that the person looks terrible. Because if they looked great and glowy, you wouldn't say they looked tired. And often, tired people already know that they are tired and look like crap.

More importantly, if you know this bothers your sister, why do you keep saying it?

Yeah I don't get the people who insist that "you look tired" can be a constructive comment. It can't. Those of you who don't care about being told that have never heard it when you aren't tired - what do you say then?! Quit saying "you look tired." Everyone.

[Anonymous]

I agree that "you look tired" is telling the person they look awful. I have been told this when I have not been tired at all and when I was actually happy and feeling fine. So when someone says that to me it makes me mad. I once fired back by saying to the person that saying that means i look bad. I have natural dark circles under my eyes that I've always had, I suspect that the people that say the tired remark are the ones that are predisposed to not having dark circles.

The only person that can get away with saying this is your own mother, because she raised you and can likely tell when you actually are tired.