MIL and DH both being irrational. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Does MIL bring her dog when she visits?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't want your dog to come. That's what she couldn't bring herself to say. Your husband needs to get over himself and go without the dog.

[Anonymous]

Op here. A pp was right, dh got too worked up and pissed at his mom and it's supposed to snow so he told them we aren't coming. Our usual dog sitter wasn't available anyway.

Our dog is a spaniel mix and is 11. It has nothing to do with the breed, just mil being crazy. Their dog is a terrier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So MIL is concerned that your dog, who lives with your son, is going to attack your son, which he has presumably not done before?

My guess is that she thinks that our dog and her dog are going to attack each other and our son (who is newly crawling) is going to get in the middle of it. It's completely irrational because (1) my dog is completely sweet to our son, (2) our dog and their dog have growled at each other but have never attacked one another, (3) in the 5 years our dogs have been together at their house we have always been aware that the dogs aren't bffs and make sure we pay attention to what they're doing at all times, (4) we have brought our son and our dog to their house 3 times already and she never mentioned that she didn't want our dog there.

No matter what the reason, my feeling is that family is more important than the dogs (although our dog is like a child to us!) and why are we cancelling this trip over the dogs?!? Clearly this fight is more than just about the dogs.

I've growm up and been around dogs my whole life. Your MIL is not being irrational, she is being cautious. You and your DH are not being cautious enough. Is is really that hard to envision the possibility that the dogs get in a fight and your baby, who is crawling, gets stuck in the middle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me that MIL doesn't want a second dog at her house and was trying to use the "safety concern" tactic as a way to get what she wants. She didn't think it would turn into this. She is welcome to request that you not bring your dog to her home, but she needs to own the reason. Support your husband and let him work this out.

I agree completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So MIL is concerned that your dog, who lives with your son, is going to attack your son, which he has presumably not done before?

My guess is that she thinks that our dog and her dog are going to attack each other and our son (who is newly crawling) is going to get in the middle of it. It's completely irrational because (1) my dog is completely sweet to our son, (2) our dog and their dog have growled at each other but have never attacked one another, (3) in the 5 years our dogs have been together at their house we have always been aware that the dogs aren't bffs and make sure we pay attention to what they're doing at all times, (4) we have brought our son and our dog to their house 3 times already and she never mentioned that she didn't want our dog there.

No matter what the reason, my feeling is that family is more important than the dogs (although our dog is like a child to us!) and why are we cancelling this trip over the dogs?!? Clearly this fight is more than just about the dogs.

I've growm up and been around dogs my whole life. Your MIL is not being irrational, she is being cautious. You and your DH are not being cautious enough. Is is really that hard to envision the possibility that the dogs get in a fight and your baby, who is crawling, gets stuck in the middle?

I have to agree with this. With this post you're MIL is actually sounding more reasonable. I would never put a baby on the floor with two dogs that have growled at each other in the past. Now throw a crawling baby into the dogs territory and it could be the perfect storm. And maybe it won't. Bt I now don't think your MIL is being totally irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me that MIL doesn't want a second dog at her house and was trying to use the "safety concern" tactic as a way to get what she wants. She didn't think it would turn into this. She is welcome to request that you not bring your dog to her home, but she needs to own the reason. Support your husband and let him work this out.

The two dogs might not get along or they might just be wild which could create an unsafe dynamic for your son.
Try to get your husband to calm down and always board the dog from now on.
It's not reasonable to bring your dog to other people's homes unless they invite him.

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand dog people. If someone suddenly decides they don't want your animal in their house, don't take it. It doesn't matter what their reason is or whether you agree. Why is this a hill to die on?

[Anonymous]

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DOG! OP, she said some things that really hurt and angered your DH. What you are essentially telling him is, "Sure she said you're a terrible dad, but I care more about getting along with your extended family than supporting you or your feelings." Be on his team. You need to side with your husband first.

[Anonymous]

This is your husband's family. You need to follow his lead on this one. If he doesn't go, you don't go. Period.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to take your dog to an environment where he doesn't necessarily get along with the host dog? Not to mention you want to throw a newly mobile baby in the mix. Your husband is acting like a brat. And yes I'm a dog owner.

[Anonymous]

Your husband ignoring a dog owner who is telling him that a situation with her dog is unsafe. That us bad parenting. The idea that a dog is safe around a mobile child because it was safe around a mobile infant is ridiculous. Your MIL was right.

[Anonymous]

Team MIL here: your title is incorrect and your husband is in the wrong here. Yes, you should leave it to them to settle but your MIL is not "irrational" to be concerned about the safety of a newly crawling baby around two dogs that have been aggressive with one another. Your husband owes his parents an apology for pitching a hissy fit over this.

[Anonymous]

Just zip it and let him process it.

When everyone cools down, plan to stay in a hotel next time or board your dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not go without your husband. Follow his wishes on this visit. It is his family. If he decides not to go then talk to him about it after he cooks down. Do not talk to your MIL about it. If you say your husband is being crazy then she WILL tell him that even his wife agrees with her. He will feel betrayed.

You handle your family. He handles his and you don't go around him.