My mother just called to complain about a gift I sent her

[Anonymous]

Who cares what you were doing when she called? Why did you answer if it was a bad time?

[Anonymous]

The irony on this board is too much sometimes,

Many of you come on here bitching on holidays if your husbands get you a "gift" that is for the house, bitching that it's not a gift at all.

But, grandparents are supposed to be somehow honoured by your "gift" of clutter, that includes only your special snowflakes.

While hey... I think it's a lovely gift, obviously these folks don't, due to space, time, etc. Talk with them. An annual book with the highlights you feel are important may not be necessary if they're taking their own pictures through the year.

I know this will be shocker of the year to some people.. But not all grandparents need chronicles of their grandkids as "gifts". It may feel like spam to them. Feel them out. It's not about love - it's about years upon years of "stuff", often while they have made an effort to minimize.

[Anonymous]

Every year you send your mother a bunch of pictures of you and your kids?

I feel sorry for your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if your MIL sent only a framed picture of herself to you for Christmas, you'd be cool with that?

Oh for goodness sake. It's about grandkids! Not the OP, but my parents and my in-laws are thrilled every year that we give them a calendar with pictures of the kids on it. My MIL specifically has said, this is my favorite present, I was hoping you'd do it again this year. What grandparent doesn't love to get pictures of her grandchildren? Apparently some, but that seems kind of sad to me.

And OP said this isn't a present for a specific holiday/special occasion, it's a just-because gift. Let her vent.

Well if your family likes it than all grandparents must like it - because all people are the same.

[Anonymous]

If my mother sent me a photo book of pictures of her on vacation, I would call her and say "hey, thanks for the photo book!". And then I'd put it on the shelf or throw it away if I didn't like it.

What I wouldn't do is call her and tell her she did a terrible job putting it together and maybe next time less scenery pictures? I'm not interested in those.

So yeah, OP, your mom was rude. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but I also maybe wouldn't send any more photo gifts unless she requests them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not her birthday or any other occasion. It is a just because gift.

Do you do family pictures every year at this time and share them with her? Maybe she liked last year's setting better, who knows!? No matter what she was thinking, her response was rude!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said that people lose their ability to filter as they age.

My 75 yo mom would totally do the same thing. In her mind they are different executions of the same idea and she would definitely tell me which one came together 'better.'

Screen her calls until you are in a calm place and use breathing techniques. Avoid Face Time so you can roll your eyes as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not her birthday or any other occasion. It is a just because gift.

Do you do family pictures every year at this time and share them with her? Maybe she liked last year's setting better, who knows!? No matter what she was thinking, her response was rude!

Actually, no.

A true gift is given with no contemplation about receiving thanks. It's is given for the benefit of the recipient, and not the giver.

A gift with strings attached is not a gift at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year you send your mother a bunch of pictures of you and your kids?

I feel sorry for your mom.

Yes, yes, it's a tragedy of epic proportions to receive a calendar with photos of grandkids. Cue in the Greek choir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year you send your mother a bunch of pictures of you and your kids?

I feel sorry for your mom.

Yes, yes, it's a tragedy of epic proportions to receive a calendar with photos of grandkids. Cue in the Greek choir.

Hyperbole much?

[Anonymous]

Don't send her a family photo next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year you send your mother a bunch of pictures of you and your kids?

I feel sorry for your mom.

NP here. My mother REQUESTS photo gifts each year. I guess she thinks we're cute and she love us or something. Plus she can buy anything she wants so giving perfume, clothing or purses is impersonal and sad. Just because your mother prefers other material things does not mean everyone's does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a gift to her for her birthday or some special occasion she marks? If so it might seem a little weird to constantly give her a gift celebrating her that's a picture of you guys every year. "Happy birthday! On your special day, here is a picture of . . . US!" So I wondered if year after year if this is the only thing you're getting her for her bday maybe it's making her a little crazy?

This! We have relatives who do this. Really?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not her birthday or any other occasion. It is a just because gift.

A photo of you sells is not a gift. Say it again, "A photo of my family is not a gift."

[Anonymous]

What is "you sells"? Is English not your first language or are you just stupid?

It has been stated that the mom has liked this gift in the past. And that it is not for an occasion.