Help for preschooler with anger issues and gross motor delay

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't behave like that at home, I would be concerned about what is going on at school. That's pretty extreme behavior. He may need more structure and if he is that bright, more academics. He may be bored, or something more going on.

I would do PT if he has gross motor concerns. OT is for fine motor. Or, try gymnastics, swim, karate or soccer.

There are two types of language - expressive and receptive. Often people assume the receptive (understanding) is as high as the receptive as it can be deceiving. Just because a child is highly verbal does not mean they are understanding everything told. This doesn't sound like an issue here. More going on and I'd be concerned about what is going on at school or it may not be the right fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

PP with a similar boy ... we think the same exact issue is happening with us! Wants to play, doesn't know how, and too much unstructured time in school (plus a really high teacher-student ratio). I really wish we could find a more structured and supportive school, but it seems like in this area that the ratios get pushed up as high as they can go as soon as licensing permits them to.

How did you determine that the new school offered better structures and support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't behave like that at home, I would be concerned about what is going on at school. That's pretty extreme behavior. He may need more structure and if he is that bright, more academics. He may be bored, or something more going on.

I would do PT if he has gross motor concerns. OT is for fine motor. Or, try gymnastics, swim, karate or soccer.

There are two types of language - expressive and receptive. Often people assume the receptive (understanding) is as high as the receptive as it can be deceiving. Just because a child is highly verbal does not mean they are understanding everything told. This doesn't sound like an issue here. More going on and I'd be concerned about what is going on at school or it may not be the right fit.

He does hit his sister at home, and his behavior at home has gotten worse in the last few months. My instincts also say this classroom isn't the right fit for him. Now I second guess all of my own opinions though...part of me thinks if it's this bad maybe I should pull him out and we start over fresh in pre-K, and part of me wonders if that would be a damaging move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

Thanks for the recommendation. He is in a class of 10 with one lead and one assistant teacher. There is structure to the day but it isn't as rigid a structure as some other schools.

That's a good class size, and with a ratio that small I'd expect the teachers to be able to tell you a lot more about what is going on than "Johnny hit Mikey," and offer some solutions. Also, just because there is structure does not necessarily mean that they are good about facilitating interactions - they might still be letting the kids have a lot of unstructured time even the day is broken up into parts. I mean, if they just let the kids roam during Center time and Recess time, then that is unstructured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

PP with a similar boy ... we think the same exact issue is happening with us! Wants to play, doesn't know how, and too much unstructured time in school (plus a really high teacher-student ratio). I really wish we could find a more structured and supportive school, but it seems like in this area that the ratios get pushed up as high as they can go as soon as licensing permits them to.

How did you determine that the new school offered better structures and support?

OP here - I would love to hear which schools have worked out better for parents of similar kids!

Also unrelated, but I'm curious: do the people commenting here not comment on other DCUM forums? This is the most helpful post I've ever had here, and nobody has called anyone else names.

[Anonymous]

The special needs boards is definitely more kind and can be more productive than other parts of DCUM on the whole. No idea why but I'm glad it exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

PP with a similar boy ... we think the same exact issue is happening with us! Wants to play, doesn't know how, and too much unstructured time in school (plus a really high teacher-student ratio). I really wish we could find a more structured and supportive school, but it seems like in this area that the ratios get pushed up as high as they can go as soon as licensing permits them to.

How did you determine that the new school offered better structures and support?

We went to Maddux, which is designed to be structured and socially supportive. I know, not a solution for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

FTR, Paula Elitov does do neuropsych testing and is the only person I found who is willing to break the testing up into multiple sessions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

FTR, Paula Elitov does do neuropsych testing and is the only person I found who is willing to break the testing up into multiple sessions.

Really? I and several of my friends went to Stixrud. Their default was to do the testing over 2 days, and would do it over 3 if that was better for the individual child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids are in the classroom and how much structure is there?

My child had aggressive behavior in pre k. She wanted to engage with the other kids but didn't know how. Plus, the school, by design, was uunstructured and let kids take the lead on activities and interactions. This stressed her out, but she didn't have the emotional vocabulary to tell us. When we got her in a more structured supportive school, the aggression completely disappeared.

For a psychologist, I recommend Paula Elitov. She will observe at school and make recommendations. For us, we also had her evaluate and make a provisional diagnosis, which worked well until we got a neuropsych a few years later.

PP with a similar boy ... we think the same exact issue is happening with us! Wants to play, doesn't know how, and too much unstructured time in school (plus a really high teacher-student ratio). I really wish we could find a more structured and supportive school, but it seems like in this area that the ratios get pushed up as high as they can go as soon as licensing permits them to.

How did you determine that the new school offered better structures and support?

Uh - this is us, exactly, and I just posted and the overwhelming consensus was that we likely would not get into Maddux. I'm so hoping we do.

We went to Maddux, which is designed to be structured and socially supportive. I know, not a solution for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Have you contacted Child Link? They are different than Child Find. Child Link is a county service that sends a psycologist to preschool to help teachers develop strategies to work with children that are having difficulties. You get an outsider observational view of what is going on in the classroom.

I found them very helpful. I used them in conjunction with my dev ped and PEP.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Is this a new school for him or a new classroom? It may not be the right fit for him. My kid started acting out and with a different school, absolutely no problems. Is he getting picked on? Are possible delays causing him to act out? Are there new stressors at home?

At 4, I don't think a psychologist would be helpful unless it's play therapy. I do agree with other people about scheduling a global evaluation with a developmental pediatrician. (And definitely no to the paint brush. Jesus definitely wouldn't do this, let alone anyone in their right mind.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Is this a new school for him or a new classroom? It may not be the right fit for him. My kid started acting out and with a different school, absolutely no problems. Is he getting picked on? Are possible delays causing him to act out? Are there new stressors at home?

At 4, I don't think a psychologist would be helpful unless it's play therapy. I do agree with other people about scheduling a global evaluation with a developmental pediatrician. (And definitely no to the paint brush. Jesus definitely wouldn't do this, let alone anyone in their right mind.)

It's a new school - we moved him because we didn't think the old school had fully prepared his sister for K. I started working from home (after a few years of being a stay at home mom), and I do worry that my stress has affected him. I've let one of my two projects go in an effort to reduce that stress. We noticed the physical delay in a class, and I do also wonder if his body not doing what he wants/not feeling good when he tries to do certain things isn't a big part of this too. I don't think he's being picked on but that was absolutely the cause when his sister had a rough patch in preschool, though it was different than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Is this a new school for him or a new classroom? It may not be the right fit for him. My kid started acting out and with a different school, absolutely no problems. Is he getting picked on? Are possible delays causing him to act out? Are there new stressors at home?

At 4, I don't think a psychologist would be helpful unless it's play therapy. I do agree with other people about scheduling a global evaluation with a developmental pediatrician. (And definitely no to the paint brush. Jesus definitely wouldn't do this, let alone anyone in their right mind.)

It's a new school - we moved him because we didn't think the old school had fully prepared his sister for K. I started working from home (after a few years of being a stay at home mom), and I do worry that my stress has affected him. I've let one of my two projects go in an effort to reduce that stress. We noticed the physical delay in a class, and I do also wonder if his body not doing what he wants/not feeling good when he tries to do certain things isn't a big part of this too. I don't think he's being picked on but that was absolutely the cause when his sister had a rough patch in preschool, though it was different than this.

Seeing other kids do things that he can't do could absolutely be making him frustrated. And even though he's verbally advanced, that doesn't mean that his emotional language is advanced, so he might not have the words to express his frustration, so he is communicating with behavior. I don't mean that this is a conscious thought of his -- just that 4 year olds act out when they are frustrated. Is his behavior worse during certain parts of the school day? Ask the teachers to keep a log of his inappropriate behaviors and what was happening immediately before.

And I don't think your going back to work is causing this. You sound like a loving, involved mother who is working hard to give your child what he needs.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't he in PEP if you are in MoCo? Maddux will not take kids who act out aggressively. I'm not saying that to be mean at all. I feel like this child is in a school setting that may be triggering the behaviors in some way. Maybe he has anxiety or something else. But the stress at school could absolutely contribute to his acting out at home with his sister.