Sending 3 year old on a vacation with grandparent

[Anonymous]

I would maybe let my mom and step dad take my almost 4yo on a cruise...but probably not. He is pretty wild and into everything, and I know my mom would get exhausted and frustrated. I will let them have DS overnight for a weekend this summer when he'll be 4.5. My mom comes to visit a couple days a month, runs half marathons in her 60s and is good with him.

I would be totally sketched out in your situation, OP. FIL only wants to see your son alone over night?? Yeah, that would never ever happen.

[Anonymous]

Not a chance in the world. I would also never let ANYONE else to watch my kids around pools, no one but a parent (even grandparent) gives 100% attention when around water.

[Anonymous]

I went on vacations with my grandparents from a very young age. It was great. They were quite energetic. One of my grandmothers was a swim instructor and way more reliable at beaches or pools than my mother ever was.

I wouldn't send my kid with my own parents, who are neither fun nor reliably sober, but if they were like their own parents I sure would.

[Anonymous]

*I* wouldn't have wanted to take my three year old on a Disney cruise -- no way would I have let someone else.

Seriously, though, he wore out his grandparents while they were here for #2's birth!

[Anonymous]

My parents did, but they're pretty young (57). My kids had an amazing time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of surprised by the answers here. I would totally let my in laws or my parents take my 3 year old on a Disney cruise. Have you been on one? They're totally programmed and lots of planned activities. Are most people's parents infirm? We left our 3 yo and 18 month old with them for 11 days when we went over seas. Kids loved, they loved spending so much time with the kids (then happily gave them back).

Your kids don't want to be without you for that long no matter what it may seem like. It actually causes them more anxiety that you realize and I you won't realize the effects for years. It's a different story when on parent travels and the kids stay home with their other parent.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the grandparent. My MIL? She can still dance til dawn. She drove to SC for a family party on Saturday night and turned around and drove home on Sunday. She's amazing. She can chase a 3 YO, no problem.

My mom, she's geezing big time. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of surprised by the answers here. I would totally let my in laws or my parents take my 3 year old on a Disney cruise. Have you been on one? They're totally programmed and lots of planned activities. Are most people's parents infirm? We left our 3 yo and 18 month old with them for 11 days when we went over seas. Kids loved, they loved spending so much time with the kids (then happily gave them back).

Your kids don't want to be without you for that long no matter what it may seem like. It actually causes them more anxiety that you realize and I you won't realize the effects for years. It's a different story when on parent travels and the kids stay home with their other parent.

Uhhhhhhh
NO, maybe your kids, but not pp's and not mine .
My folks have kept my toddlers and been fine. My MIL was the first o'nitexbavysitter babysitter when youngest was an infant.
Different grandparents have different issues and abilities. People do what works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of surprised by the answers here. I would totally let my in laws or my parents take my 3 year old on a Disney cruise. Have you been on one? They're totally programmed and lots of planned activities. Are most people's parents infirm? We left our 3 yo and 18 month old with them for 11 days when we went over seas. Kids loved, they loved spending so much time with the kids (then happily gave them back).

Your kids don't want to be without you for that long no matter what it may seem like. It actually causes them more anxiety that you realize and I you won't realize the effects for years. It's a different story when on parent travels and the kids stay home with their other parent.

Knowing your mother needs you to believe you can't survive out of her presence for a week also causes anxiety.

If you can't imagine kids feeling secure with relatives, then I guess that's on you. The people with actual experience-- myself included -- know kids are secure if you raise them to be secure.

My dad did a lot of overseas travel when I was little and my mom sometimes went with. We'd stay with my grandparents for up to three weeks at a time. Sometimes at their home, sometimes on a trip. Some of the best memories of my childhood.

[Anonymous]

OP, even the best-behaved, mellowest three-year-old in the world still is only a three-year-old, and therefore hasn't got much impulse control or any ability to judge situations like....say...the fact that that railing looks so fun to climb on (with no sense that there's a huge drop below it), or the fact that those kids over there in the pool are having so much fun that I'll mosey down there (and no idea that the water there is deeper than here where I am....)

And the most fit and active grandparents with the best intentions and the greatest promises to give a child 100 percent attention, 100 percent of the time, are going to realize that they haven't done that for years and years now, and haven't done it in a place where everything is new and different to them, and new and overstimulating to a young child.

Combine the three-year-old brain and energy level with the grandparents' having to give much more focus to the child that they'd have to give in other locations, and I'd say no.

Of course there are going to be people who post "Why not? It was fine when we did it" posts.

But I'd just tell the grandparent(s) thank you so much, that's going to be great --- in a few years.

[Anonymous]

10:18, I agree with you. OP here. My own parents are fairly physically fit (slower but fine), and on good mental health. And they (age 77) tell me that their friends all say the same thing: that many older grandparents forget how taxing it is to be 100% responsible for a young child for days at a time. Lucky for me, they wouldn't want to watch my son when we're out of town, and certainly wouldn't take him on a vacation! And they're good and present grandparents. They just realize their limitations.

FIL, otoh, does things like scoff at me for not allowing my ds to take a ride in his convertible in a 20 year old car seat. FIL and MIL took their other 2 grandkids (dh's sister's kids) on trips, but those kids are in their 20s now, that was 20 years ago. There's a huge difference, the grandparents were in their 50s then. It's frustrating that fil can't accept that it's different this time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sort of surprised by the answers here. I would totally let my in laws or my parents take my 3 year old on a Disney cruise. Have you been on one? They're totally programmed and lots of planned activities. Are most people's parents infirm? We left our 3 yo and 18 month old with them for 11 days when we went over seas. Kids loved, they loved spending so much time with the kids (then happily gave them back).

Your kids don't want to be without you for that long no matter what it may seem like. It actually causes them more anxiety that you realize and I you won't realize the effects for years. It's a different story when on parent travels and the kids stay home with their other parent.

Knowing your mother needs you to believe you can't survive out of her presence for a week also causes anxiety.

If you can't imagine kids feeling secure with relatives, then I guess that's on you. The people with actual experience-- myself included -- know kids are secure if you raise them to be secure.

My dad did a lot of overseas travel when I was little and my mom sometimes went with. We'd stay with my grandparents for up to three weeks at a time. Sometimes at their home, sometimes on a trip. Some of the best memories of my childhood.

I think 3 is too young to be away from their primary caregiver more than 2 days. It has to do with memory and attachment. Of course there will be anxiety when their primary caregivers aren't around. Doubly so if they're in a totally different environment. 3 year olds don't understand the concepts of "tomorrow" or "day after tomorrow" yet. Their sense of time is limited to one day. It's inappropriate to have a non primary caregiver take them somewhere new for longer than a day. Anxiety and fear provoking.

The cruise scenario would be ok though IF the grandparents regularly care for DC.

[Anonymous]

I'd let my parents take my child on vacation. But they wouldn't do a cruise because my mom gets motion sick and hates boats.

We would not let my ILs. They zone out to their Ipads and we don't even feel comfortable leaving our child with them for an afternoon. And my MIL is not a competent swimmer, so anything around water is a big fat no. ::flashbacks to family reunion on a lake::

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you let your parent/inlaw take your 3 year old on a Disney Cruise?

No, I wouldn't at that age. Maybe age 6.

I assume your toddler is v familiar with that set of grandparents, they are in good health, and you feel your toddler is fairly verbal and independent?

[Anonymous]

Well, we wouldn't put our kid on a Disney cruise regardless of who's supervising, but if the grandparents were willing, we'd go away for a couple nights while they watch the kids. DH's parents watched the kids for a couple nights. My parents hosted my daughter + au pair for a few days while I was on work travel.