Outlook piece in the Post today: don't delay conceiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who started TTC at 32, I think that another helpful point is that if you do find you have problems getting pregnant, it's easier to address them while you're a bit younger. I am currently 34 and pregnant from IVF and glad I didn't wait any longer to start trying (even though baby savings went to IF and it will be financially challenging).

This is a good point. We started TTC when I was 31, knowing a bit about IF since my sister and SIL had both gone through it. When we hadn't conceived after about 7 mos of timed intercourse, using TCOYF methods, my sister basically begged me to see and RE to get a work up just in case...even though we hadn't been TTC for a year yet. I kind of thought it was silly, but she was so relentless I just agreed. Found very severe MFI to the extent that the RE said he didn't think it was trying anything before going straight to IVF/ICSI. It still took us many cycles to find success. I had planned to have 2 kids by 35-36. Instead, I was 36 when DD was born, and I'll be 38 when I deliver with my current pregnancy (which, interestingly enough, is the defrosted petri-dish brother of DD).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who started TTC at 32, I think that another helpful point is that if you do find you have problems getting pregnant, it's easier to address them while you're a bit younger. I am currently 34 and pregnant from IVF and glad I didn't wait any longer to start trying (even though baby savings went to IF and it will be financially challenging).

This is a good point. We started TTC when I was 31, knowing a bit about IF since my sister and SIL had both gone through it. When we hadn't conceived after about 7 mos of timed intercourse, using TCOYF methods, my sister basically begged me to see and RE to get a work up just in case...even though we hadn't been TTC for a year yet. I kind of thought it was silly, but she was so relentless I just agreed. Found very severe MFI to the extent that the RE said he didn't think it was trying anything before going straight to IVF/ICSI. It still took us many cycles to find success. I had planned to have 2 kids by 35-36. Instead, I was 36 when DD was born, and I'll be 38 when I deliver with my current pregnancy (which, interestingly enough, is the defrosted petri-dish brother of DD).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who started TTC at 32, I think that another helpful point is that if you do find you have problems getting pregnant, it's easier to address them while you're a bit younger. I am currently 34 and pregnant from IVF and glad I didn't wait any longer to start trying (even though baby savings went to IF and it will be financially challenging).

This is a good point. We started TTC when I was 31, knowing a bit about IF since my sister and SIL had both gone through it. When we hadn't conceived after about 7 mos of timed intercourse, using TCOYF methods, my sister basically begged me to see and RE to get a work up just in case...even though we hadn't been TTC for a year yet. I kind of thought it was silly, but she was so relentless I just agreed. Found very severe MFI to the extent that the RE said he didn't think it was trying anything before going straight to IVF/ICSI. It still took us many cycles to find success. I had planned to have 2 kids by 35-36. Instead, I was 36 when DD was born, and I'll be 38 when I deliver with my current pregnancy (which, interestingly enough, is the defrosted petri-dish brother of DD).

I was 33 when we started TTC and we have MFI such that it was a one way ticket to IVF/ICSI! I am so grateful I was crazy and proactive and we were evaluated after 6 months. I had twins at 35 after a freeze-all, a cancelled cycle, and two transfers. It was only after we found out about the MFI that I found out all 3 of his sisters had IVF and/or recurrent miscarriage and there are only two non-IVF children out of the 5 nieces and nephews! I love my DH but I wouldn't have dated him when I met him at 30 if I had known about his family history.

I also agree women over 35 aren't stupid and that such articles make us out to be. I also hate that it puts all of the onus on women when MFI is 40 percent of all IF cases just as it is 40 percent that are women's issues. Men should be lectured at as much as we are about fertility. All sorts of issues increase including autism with older fathers.

[Anonymous]

We started trying at 31, but could have started sooner since we married at 29. That was a mistake by us. We ended up not being able to get pregnant even with multiple rounds of IVF. However, we had a donor egg baby at 37 and another at 39. It isn't true that you will only have a problem if you wait until 35. Many people have trouble sooner. But, if you do find you can't get pregnant because of age, use donor eggs. It bugs me when people say they can't have kids because they waited too long. Most can, just not with their eggs. If you want to be a parent of a child more than you want to be the parent of your genetic child, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who started TTC at 32, I think that another helpful point is that if you do find you have problems getting pregnant, it's easier to address them while you're a bit younger. I am currently 34 and pregnant from IVF and glad I didn't wait any longer to start trying (even though baby savings went to IF and it will be financially challenging).

This is a good point. We started TTC when I was 31, knowing a bit about IF since my sister and SIL had both gone through it. When we hadn't conceived after about 7 mos of timed intercourse, using TCOYF methods, my sister basically begged me to see and RE to get a work up just in case...even though we hadn't been TTC for a year yet. I kind of thought it was silly, but she was so relentless I just agreed. Found very severe MFI to the extent that the RE said he didn't think it was trying anything before going straight to IVF/ICSI. It still took us many cycles to find success. I had planned to have 2 kids by 35-36. Instead, I was 36 when DD was born, and I'll be 38 when I deliver with my current pregnancy (which, interestingly enough, is the defrosted petri-dish brother of DD).

I was 33 when we started TTC and we have MFI such that it was a one way ticket to IVF/ICSI! I am so grateful I was crazy and proactive and we were evaluated after 6 months. I had twins at 35 after a freeze-all, a cancelled cycle, and two transfers. It was only after we found out about the MFI that I found out all 3 of his sisters had IVF and/or recurrent miscarriage and there are only two non-IVF children out of the 5 nieces and nephews! I love my DH but I wouldn't have dated him when I met him at 30 if I had known about his family history.

I also agree women over 35 aren't stupid and that such articles make us out to be. I also hate that it puts all of the onus on women when MFI is 40 percent of all IF cases just as it is 40 percent that are women's issues. Men should be lectured at as much as we are about fertility. All sorts of issues increase including autism with older fathers.

Presumably, his sisters did not have a problem with their sperm counts/motility, so your thinking doesn't make sense. When it comes to fertility, the gender of that family history matters unless you are talking about inherited diseases.

[Anonymous]

I would never have considered dumping my husband because of MFI, BUT if we'd known about it sooner, maybe we would have started trying sooner (I was 32). It would be nice if some kind of "fertility screening" were available for average joes, not just those who are already having trouble. I read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s and I still got it wrong...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have considered dumping my husband because of MFI, BUT if we'd known about it sooner, maybe we would have started trying sooner (I was 32). It would be nice if some kind of "fertility screening" were available for average joes, not just those who are already having trouble. I read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s and I still got it wrong...

+1. I also read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s, decided to start trying almost immediately when I got married at 31 to give us our best chance, had two doctors (PCP and Gyno) tell me not to worry about it and brushed me off when I brought up concerns about fertility and now 12 months later, we're starting the testing to figure out why we haven't been able to get pregnant. So, not for nothing, doctors need to start paying attention as well and stop treating women in their early 30s like we're nuts for worrying about our fertility if we bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have considered dumping my husband because of MFI, BUT if we'd known about it sooner, maybe we would have started trying sooner (I was 32). It would be nice if some kind of "fertility screening" were available for average joes, not just those who are already having trouble. I read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s and I still got it wrong...

+1. I also read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s, decided to start trying almost immediately when I got married at 31 to give us our best chance, had two doctors (PCP and Gyno) tell me not to worry about it and brushed me off when I brought up concerns about fertility and now 12 months later, we're starting the testing to figure out why we haven't been able to get pregnant. So, not for nothing, doctors need to start paying attention as well and stop treating women in their early 30s like we're nuts for worrying about our fertility if we bring it up.

I got married at 25 and never used birth control. When I was 28 and brought it up to my OBGYN, she acted like I was crazy and I was too young to want to get pregnant. I switched doctors immediately and did get the help I needed. It still angers me that I was told there wasn't an issue when there was in fact an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have considered dumping my husband because of MFI, BUT if we'd known about it sooner, maybe we would have started trying sooner (I was 32). It would be nice if some kind of "fertility screening" were available for average joes, not just those who are already having trouble. I read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s and I still got it wrong...

+1. I also read all those "don't wait" articles in my 20s, decided to start trying almost immediately when I got married at 31 to give us our best chance, had two doctors (PCP and Gyno) tell me not to worry about it and brushed me off when I brought up concerns about fertility and now 12 months later, we're starting the testing to figure out why we haven't been able to get pregnant. So, not for nothing, doctors need to start paying attention as well and stop treating women in their early 30s like we're nuts for worrying about our fertility if we bring it up.

I got married at 25 and never used birth control. When I was 28 and brought it up to my OBGYN, she acted like I was crazy and I was too young to want to get pregnant. I switched doctors immediately and did get the help I needed. It still angers me that I was told there wasn't an issue when there was in fact an issue.

We really can't win.
-We're ridiculous if we worry about our fertility and ask questions when we're younger and get the "what did you expect" lecture if it turns out we have problems when we're older.
-We're baby crazy and ridiculous if we want to get married younger and are "all about that ring" if we don't want to waste our time with guys that have no intention of settling down. If we wait around until our 30s when the guy is ready to settle down, we didn't prioritize having a family and shouldn't complain if we can't have a child without help.
-If we go ahead and have kids when we're in our 20s and maybe have less money, we get lectured about how we need to be more fiscally responsible and should build a career first. If we wait until we are in our 30s after having built said career and run into trouble getting pregnant, we get lectured about how we should have expected to have problems waiting until we were older and shouldn't have prioritized our career over having a family.

The next person who preaches at me about how I should have made different decisions in regards to reproducing is going to get a sermon on the moral value of shutting the F up.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm lucky, but I don't think anyone has ever lectured me about my choices re: family planning. All my angst over what I could have done differently is self-driven. Still sucks, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who started TTC at 32, I think that another helpful point is that if you do find you have problems getting pregnant, it's easier to address them while you're a bit younger. I am currently 34 and pregnant from IVF and glad I didn't wait any longer to start trying (even though baby savings went to IF and it will be financially challenging).

This is a good point. We started TTC when I was 31, knowing a bit about IF since my sister and SIL had both gone through it. When we hadn't conceived after about 7 mos of timed intercourse, using TCOYF methods, my sister basically begged me to see and RE to get a work up just in case...even though we hadn't been TTC for a year yet. I kind of thought it was silly, but she was so relentless I just agreed. Found very severe MFI to the extent that the RE said he didn't think it was trying anything before going straight to IVF/ICSI. It still took us many cycles to find success. I had planned to have 2 kids by 35-36. Instead, I was 36 when DD was born, and I'll be 38 when I deliver with my current pregnancy (which, interestingly enough, is the defrosted petri-dish brother of DD).

I was 33 when we started TTC and we have MFI such that it was a one way ticket to IVF/ICSI! I am so grateful I was crazy and proactive and we were evaluated after 6 months. I had twins at 35 after a freeze-all, a cancelled cycle, and two transfers. It was only after we found out about the MFI that I found out all 3 of his sisters had IVF and/or recurrent miscarriage and there are only two non-IVF children out of the 5 nieces and nephews! I love my DH but I wouldn't have dated him when I met him at 30 if I had known about his family history.

I also agree women over 35 aren't stupid and that such articles make us out to be. I also hate that it puts all of the onus on women when MFI is 40 percent of all IF cases just as it is 40 percent that are women's issues. Men should be lectured at as much as we are about fertility. All sorts of issues increase including autism with older fathers.

holy shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For many it's also not a career vs baby but simply meeting someone too late in life. I have a regular job, not a high flying career that I devote all my time to, but I had nobody to have babies with and zero interest in having a child without a husband. I came to terms with staying childless, but met someone and married at 39. Now we want a child, but have to go through IVF because I am too old.

+1. I was not interested in having a child without a husband, and I didn't get married until my 30s. And it was not like I was turning down offers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is touching as a personal story but the facts provided are questionable/incomplete and I would expect more from a doctor who knows the field. For example, it is not true that any pregnant woman over the age of 35 is automatically considered high risk. Also, while she includes IVF stats by age group, why not include non-IVF conception stats as well? Including only IVF provides a skewed sample.

I know that my OB automatically considers AMA pregnancies to be high risk. There is extra monitoring involved. It doesn't mean that all of those pregnancies will see complications. I had a baby at age 39 with no complications but it was still considered high risk simply because of my age.

This is correct. All 35+ are considered high risk.

In my experience, this wasn't true. I had a baby at 34 and another at 38. Exact same monitoring. Nothing done differently. I was otherwise healthy. Both times with GW. No one ever said the words high-risk to me the second time.

Agree. I also had mine at 34 and 38, and I was high risk both times. The first time AMA was not a factor, the second time AMA was one of three factors. And the first baby was a premie and second was full term.