Just for fun: visiting parents bringing food

[Anonymous]

Every time my mom comes, she brings a huge brisket for Friday night (Shabbat) dinner. For thanksgiving one year, she brought a 20lb turkey on the plane. She also sends boxes of supplies (paper plates, plasticware, cans of cranberry sauce, roasted chestnuts) via UPS.

Its crazy but awesome. I hope to one day send boxes like that to my kids

When my siblings come from NY/NJ for the weekend, they bring produce from their fridge, which would otherwise go bad while they are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say thanks and throw it out when nobody is looking.

Yes. It's like a deep urge, that one you have to see that your people are fed. It doesn't really go away. Once my oldest son grew up and moved out, and later married, I still found myself welling up with this urge to make them take my food, anything, even some random old jar of olives, because . . . MUST FEED MY BABIES!

And I'm not even terribly domestic. You'll find out one day, when you notice yourself bringing along some lame food item to visit your grown kids, and hopefully you'll laugh and remember how it looked from a younger point of view. So be kind about it to the parents.

Sigh. I am kind about it. Did you miss the "just for fun" in the thread title? It's just fun to anonymously discuss life's little quirks.

The above was written in a light-hearted way, to explain the perspective to you. I was laughing at myself, because I totally get your point, and used to puzzle and laugh at how my mom always brought us heads of lettuce when she'd come visit, and yet here I am, finally at the age to understand where that urge came from. Does it mean I even say anything to my grown child, let alone try to force him to take my tired leftovers? Hell no.

So take your pissy little "Sigh" and trade it in for a sense of humor, gratitude, and empathy. Not you saying you're anything but kind, OP, but there are some condescending, entitled people in this thread who probably have no idea how vile they sound sneering that someone offered them something they didn't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awww...let it go.

My parents and ILs live in another country, and I miss them like crazy.

My MIL called today and told me that she felt so bad that she could not send sweets for us when my DH visited them for a day last week. I told her that it was ok, and she replied "But you kids come after such a long time...and I kept thinking after he left that I could have made some more of his favorite dishes if I had more time!". She is 80 and in failing health and yet all she can think is to feed us or send us stuff that we do not use or need.

I let all of her little idiosyncrasies go because her heart is in the right place, and it makes her so happy when we do things her way for these little things.

Who says OP doesn't let it go? She's for-fun posting about it here, not yelling at her mom. Your parents/ILs living in another country have nothing to do with this dynamic being funny/quiet/annoying for those of us who do experience it.

It is pretty sick that making fun of people's good intentions is considered "fun."

Okay #blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say thanks and throw it out when nobody is looking.

Yes. It's like a deep urge, that one you have to see that your people are fed. It doesn't really go away. Once my oldest son grew up and moved out, and later married, I still found myself welling up with this urge to make them take my food, anything, even some random old jar of olives, because . . . MUST FEED MY BABIES!

And I'm not even terribly domestic. You'll find out one day, when you notice yourself bringing along some lame food item to visit your grown kids, and hopefully you'll laugh and remember how it looked from a younger point of view. So be kind about it to the parents.

Sigh. I am kind about it. Did you miss the "just for fun" in the thread title? It's just fun to anonymously discuss life's little quirks.

The above was written in a light-hearted way, to explain the perspective to you. I was laughing at myself, because I totally get your point, and used to puzzle and laugh at how my mom always brought us heads of lettuce when she'd come visit, and yet here I am, finally at the age to understand where that urge came from. Does it mean I even say anything to my grown child, let alone try to force him to take my tired leftovers? Hell no.

So take your pissy little "Sigh" and trade it in for a sense of humor, gratitude, and empathy. Not you saying you're anything but kind, OP, but there are some condescending, entitled people in this thread who probably have no idea how vile they sound sneering that someone offered them something they didn't like.

NP. Wow, you are smug and self-righteous. And nobody wants their mother's leftovers. Like someone else said, if you want to feed loved ones, bake something nice or buy them take-out .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother sends a week's worth of freshly made food with us whenever we go up to visit her. She spends the entire weekend cooking so it will be ready. It's a lifesaver for me and I'm so grateful!

And nobody's talking about whole meals/freshly prepared meals that can be left at her home if you don't have room in your fridge.

[Anonymous]

The same people making fun of their parents "quirks" are likely the same ones on this board losing their shit if their parents voice an opinion or heaven forbid criticize any action of their adult children.

[Anonymous]

Both my mom and MIL are really great cooks - something neither I nor DH/BIL/SILs have inherited! So I'm actually really happy to get their leftovers - even their 5-day old food is delicious, and better than anything I can make.

Though, they understand how we are, so they typically make stuff in large portions and freeze part of it so that it tastes fresh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG!!!! Total depression era mindset. My mother not only does this -- she will actually put open cans of soda with 2-3 teaspoons of backwash in the fridge, but my much older SIL does as well.

As my husband and I were leaving for our honeymoon -- literally, about to get in the taxi -- my SIL was trying to convince us to take her leftover chef salad with us on our honeymoon because she didn't want it to go to waste.

Funny Though, honestly, if you had to choose, which is better? The people who make no effort to save food or those who go to these crazy lengths

I admit, I don't bring my produce to others' homes, not even my parents/in-laws, but we do make a huge effort the few days before to use up our stuff. We makes sauces, stews, soups and freeze it. We make banana bread, apple sauce, whatever, and freeze it. If you come to our house before a 3 day weekend there will be nothing in our fridge but some limes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same people making fun of their parents "quirks" are likely the same ones on this board losing their shit if their parents voice an opinion or heaven forbid criticize any action of their adult children.

This is why we can't have nice things!

[Anonymous]

DH is like this - he'll eat any moldy thing in the fridge because he survived the Vietnam War and was poor for many years of his childhood.
I just showed him this thread and told him not to be like this when the kids are all grown up!

[Anonymous]

My mom brings baking, usually made for the purpose of bringing with her. Or home made relish. Or wine.

I take vegetables and sometimes yogurt. Stuff that would go bad if left home for as long as we will be gone. Neither of us brings random odds and ends.

[Anonymous]

I generally like it when my parents or in laws bring food. Usually because it means they plan to cook for us.

I do think it's funny that my in laws bring beer and soda with them. Like, cases of beer and soda. I guess beer and Pepsi are hard to find?

[Anonymous]

Here's what, crazy parents: CALL AND ASK to see what would be welcome to bring, and what would not.

Yes, please do bring 3/4 a container of blueberries. But no, do not bring 1/16 of a carton of coffee creamer.

See how easy and actually helpful that is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg the coolers taken to the beach. Could we just eat out. We're on vacation!

Yes! Why does a 3-hour car trip require a cooler of sandwiches and a sad half-jar of pickles? Can we please just go to Wendy's?

We pack lunches because it's expensive to eat out even when it's just Wendy's. That $25 may not be much to you but it is to my family and, perhaps, to your parents. Yet, if I can save $15 by packing lunch, i don't have a problem spending the money saved on ice cream or something.

Call it Depression Mentality if you want but there's nothing wrong with being thrifty and frugal.

I have no problem with bringing food to eat on the road. I have a problem with accepting and bring expected to feed my family, which is also her family, things that I am sure have been held at incorrect temperatures for hours and may end up making us sick for the visit. She also checks to see if sour cream is expired by eating some off the top, rather than just reading the expiration date. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do the cooler in the car and at the beach thing. I think it's just smart and healthy. Rest stop food is either junk, or if it's healthy it's overpriced ($5 for a small cup of cut up fruit!)

I do it too, and did it even when I was in my 20s. I am not a crazy health nut, but gross fast food like Wendys is the LAST THING I want to eat before sitting around in my bathing suit in the hot sun. A cooler full of cold sandwiches and fresh fruit? Yes please! We also have cheetos with us, to keep things real, but they don't need to go in the cooler. I also like having cold water and/or beer on the beach.

But, to OP's point, bringing an almost empty jar of relish is weird.