Do most men want to have kids?

[Anonymous]

I met my husband in our mid/late 30s. Neither of us wanted kids. We don't have kids.

Ergo: it is possible to meet a man, even at this age, who does not want kids.

[Anonymous]

One of my friends is engaged to a cool guy she met on OK Cupid. Both of them had dated a fair amount online before meeting each other, so I asked them for their advice. I said I'd gotten rejected a few times by guys much older than me because they wanted to have kids and I was probably too old to have more. (I was 38.)

The guy said, "A lot of these guys don't actually want kids. They just want a woman who is young enough to have them. They think it's more socially acceptable to date women much younger than themselves if they say it's so they can have kids. I already have two kids. I don't want any more. But my dating profile said I want kids because younger women want to see that."

So some of these guys may not actually want kids - they just want to appear dateable by women who want them and are young enough to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is engaged to a cool guy she met on OK Cupid. Both of them had dated a fair amount online before meeting each other, so I asked them for their advice. I said I'd gotten rejected a few times by guys much older than me because they wanted to have kids and I was probably too old to have more. (I was 38.)

The guy said, "A lot of these guys don't actually want kids. They just want a woman who is young enough to have them. They think it's more socially acceptable to date women much younger than themselves if they say it's so they can have kids. I already have two kids. I don't want any more. But my dating profile said I want kids because younger women want to see that."

So some of these guys may not actually want kids - they just want to appear dateable by women who want them and are young enough to have them.

We don't care about a lot of things. If kids make her happy, fine. We're not farmers who need sons, we're not royalty who need heirs. Kids? Yeah, whatever. Kids, dogs, same thing. Actually kids are cool when they are old enough to go to a XMen movies with dad, cause mom ain't goin, right?

[Anonymous]

All but one man I dated actively wanted kids. In fact, that's why I have them (my husband wanted them). There's this weird myth that women "trap" men into domesticity and then force them to have kids they don't really want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes most men do.

Men are driven by enduring legacy - very few will be able to carve one out without children.

This is hilarious.

Men are driven by wanting to spend every last dime they made on themselves and driving a motorcycle or little two seater sports car around their beach front 2nd home, far away from bratty kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is engaged to a cool guy she met on OK Cupid. Both of them had dated a fair amount online before meeting each other, so I asked them for their advice. I said I'd gotten rejected a few times by guys much older than me because they wanted to have kids and I was probably too old to have more. (I was 38.)

The guy said, "A lot of these guys don't actually want kids. They just want a woman who is young enough to have them. They think it's more socially acceptable to date women much younger than themselves if they say it's so they can have kids. I already have two kids. I don't want any more. But my dating profile said I want kids because younger women want to see that."

So some of these guys may not actually want kids - they just want to appear dateable by women who want them and are young enough to have them.

We don't care about a lot of things. If kids make her happy, fine. We're not farmers who need sons, we're not royalty who need heirs. Kids? Yeah, whatever. Kids, dogs, same thing. Actually kids are cool when they are old enough to go to a XMen movies with dad, cause mom ain't goin, right?

-1! Wow! What a lot of stereotypes! OP, some men want kids. Others don't. What do you want? No kids? Then say so plainly on your profile and don't choose men who say they do.

You're not dating "most men." You're dating a select few, so be selective. Look at this way: guys who check that box are doing you a favor: saving time. Now you can focus on the guys you want, who share your dreams and goals. Relax. Realize that both choose and choose what's best for you.

What if it doesn't work out? That's O.K. because you're not locked into a stereotypical "biological clock" timetable. Be free to accept or reject and dump guys after a date or two if they don't always turn out to be what they seem, because not all of them won't.

You'll find the right guy when you're ready.

Signed
mom who takes her kids to X-Men because dad doesn't want to go

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of men like the idea, but don't want to put in the effort of taking care of them. Just look at some of the threads on here.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. People are different. At worst, you can date divorced men with kids, assuming the men don't want more kids with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is engaged to a cool guy she met on OK Cupid. Both of them had dated a fair amount online before meeting each other, so I asked them for their advice. I said I'd gotten rejected a few times by guys much older than me because they wanted to have kids and I was probably too old to have more. (I was 38.)

The guy said, "A lot of these guys don't actually want kids. They just want a woman who is young enough to have them. They think it's more socially acceptable to date women much younger than themselves if they say it's so they can have kids. I already have two kids. I don't want any more. But my dating profile said I want kids because younger women want to see that."

So some of these guys may not actually want kids - they just want to appear dateable by women who want them and are young enough to have them.

We don't care about a lot of things. If kids make her happy, fine. We're not farmers who need sons, we're not royalty who need heirs. Kids? Yeah, whatever. Kids, dogs, same thing. Actually kids are cool when they are old enough to go to a XMen movies with dad, cause mom ain't goin, right?

Maybe that's why my fiancé loves me? I'm a huge fangirl.

[Anonymous]

Considering how many single moms and deadbeat dad there are out there, I'd say no. They like to make the kids, but not actually raise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many men claim to want kids because they figure no woman would give them the time of day if they didn't. But of my 6 close male friends who are fathers, only 2 enjoy their children, and only 1 of those 2 actually helps rear them.

I agree - they think it will help their online profile. Lots of early to mid-40s guys are divorced and already have kids and are not looking to have more.

My friend married a mid-40's never married guy with no kids and he specifically told her he wanted kids, until they got married, then all of a sudden he didn't. They're divorced now.

[Anonymous]

Op here. To clarify, it's not a problem to find men to casually date and sleep with if you don't want to have kids. I am interested in getting married, though.....and I think a lot of times guys want to get married becasue they want to have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To clarify, it's not a problem to find men to casually date and sleep with if you don't want to have kids. I am interested in getting married, though.....and I think a lot of times guys want to get married becasue they want to have kids?

Yes, probably "a lot of times" people are getting married in anticipation of wanting children. So, you are indeed going to exclude and be excluded from a big part of the potential spouse pool.

However, it's definitely not like you not wanting kids makes you unmarryable, if that's what you're asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes most men do.

Men are driven by enduring legacy - very few will be able to carve one out without children.

I and the guys I know have cared a great deal about keeping the wife happy, saving money or spending money on the house, and getting the kids that are here to and from soccer practice. The legacy is the wife and whatever kids she wants. Stop making crap up.

I think she reads a lot of books and bases a lot of her life experiences off what she reads.

[Anonymous]

I never wanted kids, I only wanted a steady sex partner, kids are the tax on the benefit.

But now that they're here they are lovable taxes and I'm happy to pay them.