My son applied to college without any assistance whatsoever. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it wasn't a great school. But I did the same thing for my Ivy masters a few years later. Don't think I even told my parents until it was a done deal.

for masters, most kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it wasn't a great school. But I did the same thing for my Ivy masters a few years later. Don't think I even told my parents until it was a done deal.

for masters, most kids do.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I applied to college without assistance from my parents 20 years ago. Why do parents feel the need to help kids now? Is the process more complicated or is helicoptering just too ingrained?

Me too. My parents were only high school graduates and we lived in rural area. They and I had no idea that you were supposed to visit schools. I applied only to the Univ of MD because I had been on a band trip there and application fees were expensive for us. I have a PhD now and think kids are too coddled.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that we have all these posters who did it all themselves with no help or review from their parent (s). Well. things were a helluva lot simpler yesteryear.

[Anonymous]

I was all ready to hate you (and no, I shouldn't hate you but we are not always our best selves on line)...

Thanks for the laugh.

I'm glad we're in a place to help our son with this (mostly money, college touring, and test prep funding). Thngs are much more complicated than they were when I applied. I also know that there are many ways where my parents could have helped me make better choices if they'd gotten involved. I have a talent that I developed on my own, but was left to my own devises to find an appropriate teacher (pregoogle) and I didn't do a very good job. Adult assistance could have made a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it wasn't a great school. But I did the same thing for my Ivy masters a few years later. Don't think I even told my parents until it was a done deal.

for masters, most kids do.

+1

My point here is that where you end up for college does not necessarily dictate the opportunities you will have in life. Obtaining the network of an elite school will certainly help, but you can go to an okay school and end up in a good place. Many of the Ivy grads that report to me are unable to figure out
How to do things on their own. This is the okay state school poster. I am way further ahead in my career than anyone with an elite degree in my office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that we have all these posters who did it all themselves with no help or review from their parent (s). Well. things were a helluva lot simpler yesteryear.

Really? Seems easier with a common app. Applications used to have several lengthy questions to answer plus essays. Each. Plus information about schools wasn't so readily available.

It's not that the application process is so different these days. It's that kids are coddled more in every aspect of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that we have all these posters who did it all themselves with no help or review from their parent (s). Well. things were a helluva lot simpler yesteryear.

Really? Seems easier with a common app. Applications used to have several lengthy questions to answer plus essays. Each. Plus information about schools wasn't so readily available.

It's not that the application process is so different these days. It's that kids are coddled more in every aspect of life.

We no longer walk 10 miles to school. Damn those kids for taking busses and damn those universities for doing away with paper and pen applications instead of coddling them with computers and easy apps. Pitiful!

[Anonymous]

Are things really that more complicated these days?

I did college admissions completely on my own 20 years ago - and ended up at a solid SLAC with minimal debt. (Also admitted to Ivies but realized I couldn't afford it.) I literally had no discussion about it with my parents except for to tell them when I had narrowed my acceptance down to two choices that would cost the same. Even then the choice was entirely my own.

I do want to take a more active role with my child but I can't imagine the intense over-involvement of other parents here. If my child can't figure out how to evaluate the options, understand the finances, and meet the application deadlines, mostly of his own accord, then I will have failed in parenting in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are things really that more complicated these days?

I did college admissions completely on my own 20 years ago - and ended up at a solid SLAC with minimal debt. (Also admitted to Ivies but realized I couldn't afford it.) I literally had no discussion about it with my parents except for to tell them when I had narrowed my acceptance down to two choices that would cost the same. Even then the choice was entirely my own.

I do want to take a more active role with my child but I can't imagine the intense over-involvement of other parents here. If my child can't figure out how to evaluate the options, understand the finances, and meet the application deadlines, mostly of his own accord, then I will have failed in parenting in many ways.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are things really that more complicated these days?

I did college admissions completely on my own 20 years ago - and ended up at a solid SLAC with minimal debt. (Also admitted to Ivies but realized I couldn't afford it.) I literally had no discussion about it with my parents except for to tell them when I had narrowed my acceptance down to two choices that would cost the same. Even then the choice was entirely my own.

I do want to take a more active role with my child but I can't imagine the intense over-involvement of other parents here. If my child can't figure out how to evaluate the options, understand the finances, and meet the application deadlines, mostly of his own accord, then I will have failed in parenting in many ways.

I can appreciate doing school research and application deadlines but we part ways about finances (other than tuition cost and some expenses). If any kid here is that astute with finances, including yours, then I assume they are 100% knowledgeable about your investments, cost of your home, mortgage payments, etc. After all, these are merely a few questions on college financial aid forms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are things really that more complicated these days?

I did college admissions completely on my own 20 years ago - and ended up at a solid SLAC with minimal debt. (Also admitted to Ivies but realized I couldn't afford it.) I literally had no discussion about it with my parents except for to tell them when I had narrowed my acceptance down to two choices that would cost the same. Even then the choice was entirely my own.

I do want to take a more active role with my child but I can't imagine the intense over-involvement of other parents here. If my child can't figure out how to evaluate the options, understand the finances, and meet the application deadlines, mostly of his own accord, then I will have failed in parenting in many ways.

Your simplistic approach about no discussion with your parents 20 years ago was fine for your lifestyle. As a parent of color, not only am I involved in the college choice process, I am also along for visits for now. Our discussion is not as simplistic as yours might be as we discuss college choices in the south where confederate flags fly or review choices in Maine where the governor remarks about out of state drug dealers impregnating innocent young white girls or his remarks about telling Obama to go to hell and the NAACP to kiss his butt. Or states where there are flagrant abuses of people of color with traffic stops. I think you get the picture.

Your definition of intense over-involvement is summarily dismissed by ANY PARENT who wants to make sure their child is cautious and safe in their collegiate atmosphere.

The options as you put it are more than just finances, applications deadlines, and ones ability to fill out an application.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more complicated, both because of EA/ED (which either didn't exist or I was blissfully unaware of when I applied to college in 1977-78) and because of the Common App. There's the illusion of simplicity with the CA, but not every school DC planned on applying to took it -- and every one that did required a supplement.

And when I applied people made fewer applications and knew about fewer schools. Now there's so much info so readily available that you could go crazy trying to draw up a list. And that's before we get to testing and test prep. Or finances. More choice/options = more work.

In the end, we got off easy and DC's process resembled mine (no prep courses or retakes, 2 apps, got into fave school). The main difference was timing -- the things I did Sr year, DC did Jr year and acceptance was EA so other apps (mostly already written) weren't necessary. It's really a two-stage process these days.

[Anonymous]

EA/ED have been around at least since the 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are things really that more complicated these days?

I did college admissions completely on my own 20 years ago - and ended up at a solid SLAC with minimal debt. (Also admitted to Ivies but realized I couldn't afford it.) I literally had no discussion about it with my parents except for to tell them when I had narrowed my acceptance down to two choices that would cost the same. Even then the choice was entirely my own.

I do want to take a more active role with my child but I can't imagine the intense over-involvement of other parents here. If my child can't figure out how to evaluate the options, understand the finances, and meet the application deadlines, mostly of his own accord, then I will have failed in parenting in many ways.

I can appreciate doing school research and application deadlines but we part ways about finances (other than tuition cost and some expenses). If any kid here is that astute with finances, including yours, then I assume they are 100% knowledgeable about your investments, cost of your home, mortgage payments, etc. After all, these are merely a few questions on college financial aid forms.

I knew exactly how much support I was going to get from my family, and they did give me their tax returns so I could do the FAFSA myself. Obviously I agree that parents have to make the financial information to fill out the forms available. But other than that I did all the financial calculations myself, including deliberately chosing schools that would provide the most aid.