Not traveling for a while--fair?

[Anonymous]

What does DH think. They are his family after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A pullout for 4 people is unacceptable. I would outright ask them to get a queen for upstairs. Kids can sleep on a pullout. My inlaws made me sleep on the floor in their guest bedroom. After we got married I put my foot down and said they needed to get a bed so we could visit. It worked and I have a bed now for both of us. My inlaws weren't broke so I didn't feel that bad asking. But I wasn't sleeping on the floor anymore.

This is about the fourth time you've posted about this. I've always wondered--how was it considered a "guest bedroom" when there was no bed in it? Why were you on the floor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It tough b/c sometimes there are health issues you don't know about. Lots of parents keep these issue a secret so not to worry the kids or feel depended. Sometime these involve driving.

Nope. Not at all in this case. They travel all over the world and definitely do drive at night. They are very social, active and healthy. They do things like kayaking trips. --OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ffs. You can't drive three hours, spend a sat night, and drive three hours back on sun once every couple of months?

You all sound like a couple of drama queens.

NP here. No. Would not want a family of four to sleep in a cold, unfinished basement on a pull-out sofa for even one night. Ack.

Special snowflakes.

Why are OP/her family/anyone who finds this unacceptable "special snowflakes," but her able-bodied, free-time-having, small-child-free in-laws aren't "special snowflakes" even though they refuse to travel to a place with nice guest accomodations?

[Anonymous]

I think it's fair for you to say that you won't be hauling your family of four, newborn (!) included, anywhere anytime soon, but that the ILs are welcome to visit anytime.

I don't think it's fair to ask/request/dictate how many times your ILs need to come see you before you'll go see them. I know they tried to pull that act on you, but that's not how this ought to work - with you all "owing" each other visits. That's just weird. Both sides should try to see each other as often as is enjoyable and feasible for you - it's okay if that works out more frequently for one side than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A pullout for 4 people is unacceptable. I would outright ask them to get a queen for upstairs. Kids can sleep on a pullout. My inlaws made me sleep on the floor in their guest bedroom. After we got married I put my foot down and said they needed to get a bed so we could visit. It worked and I have a bed now for both of us. My inlaws weren't broke so I didn't feel that bad asking. But I wasn't sleeping on the floor anymore.

This is about the fourth time you've posted about this. I've always wondered--how was it considered a "guest bedroom" when there was no bed in it? Why were you on the floor?

Lol I only posted on one other thread and was torn to shreds. It was my dhs childhood bedroom and the only other bedroom in the house, so that's why it was the guest bedroom (other guests like SILs boyfriends slept on the floor when they visited too). I was on the floor because they'd gotten rid of the bed years ago. I thought it was weird too. I never asked where dhs bed went?

[Anonymous]

Stand firm. Don't travel with babies. What's in it for them? Adults can travel. Inlaws can be ridiculous. You tell them what to do since you have the children. That's what I say.

[Anonymous]

Retired adults in good health can and should travel to accommodate a family with young kids and working parents. Not every time, but most times. Especially since OP actually has a proper guest room and bathroom!

[Anonymous]

Hotel. When they are gone or in bad Heath you will regret not spending time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hotel. When they are gone or in bad Heath you will regret not spending time together.

They will spend time together. In ops home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Retired adults in good health can and should travel to accommodate a family with young kids and working parents. Not every time, but most times. Especially since OP actually has a proper guest room and bathroom!

Ideal behavior and reality rarely intertwine.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it doesn't have to be "fair." DH and I have tried to do things that way for years and it just never works out. We can try to see each extended family 3 times/year but then someone's cousin gets married and we wind up seeing my family 4 times and his twice...In the long run it evens out.

I agree that it also isn't about the distance alone. 3 hour trips with no kids are 4-5 hour trips with kids. I'd just decide on how often you feel like you are able to handle this as a family and then go down there that many times per year. The end.

And I also agree, just get a hotel. DH is always resistant to this because it's a "waste of money" to pay when there's a free place to stay, but I totally disagree. We have compromised on doing some of each--stay in the ILs' home one visit, hotel the next. It's been fine.

[Anonymous]

My family lives 3 hours away and we visit them twice a year..and they have ample space. The sleeping arrangement sounds pretty crummy. Could you stay at a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I very recently welcomed a beautiful new daughter into our family. We have a 2.5 yo DD as well.

My parents, who live in the Midwest (10 hours away) have been out here twice since the birth to help/visit, and are planning to come again in the late spring/early summer for the baptism. They are retired, have no pets or major obligations, and are in decent health, except for the fact that my mom recently had eye surgery, and can't drive. (No problem, my dad likes to drive.)

My ILs, who live 3 hours away, have been out here once since the birth to help/visit. They are retired, have no pets or major obligations, and are in decent health. But they have said that--now that they visited once for the birth--it's time for us to visit them. They expect a we visit/they visit dynamic from here on out, because "they are so busy and don't want to drive so much."

Keep in mind, our house has ample space for guests; when they visit, they have their own room and own bathroom. And it's just two of them. When WE visit them, the four of us will have to cram down in their unfinished basement living room on a pull-out couch, with barely any space for a Pack and Play. It's always freezing down there. And there is one bathroom/shower for all of us. Plus the drive, and we work. (I go back in a few weeks, and of course will have NO time off whatsoever because of maternity leave.)

My DH and I are trying to decide whether we should put our foot down on this one, and ask them to visit us a few more times, until the baby is a bit older and sleeping through the night. And even then, we won't be making the trip to see them as frequently as we used to. (Used to be about six times a year, now we're thinking twice a year.) We think it will be worth the "fight"; MIL is not going to take this one lying down. She likes us to be there so she can "show us off" at their church.

They are welcome to come visit us; that is not a problem. We are good hosts who clean, cook and don't ask for help watching the kids. We always take them out to dinner or treat them to take-out. We're not trying to avoid them, we just think it's easier for us to host and for them to travel. Do you think this is fair?

My fully retired MIL pulls this and it drives me NUTS. I commute, work, and raise two kids alone (her son left). She loves to see her grandkids but is constantly whining about how hard it is on HER because she is so busy. (She likes to watch late movies and sleep until 10:30 AM - I'm up at 5 daily).

That's fine, do what you want, hey you're retired, you earned your R&R. But man I resent hearing about how busy she is.

I think one's concept of time and ability to mutiltask/juggle/do more changes with retirement. You just get used to not fitting as much into a day.

Like the old adage says, "if you want something done, give it to a busy person". Def. not a retired person - with all the time in the world on their hands, from where I'm sitting.....

[Anonymous]

I visit cousins three hours away. I drive down and arrive by noon, we leave at 6pm. What is the big deal? You don't need to sleep there. It's only three hours!!!!!