IL babysitting when MIL has … well … bad judgment

[Anonymous]

OP, if FIL were there, what would have happened in that situation? He would have stayed with the child? Or he would have driven MIL to the hospital and the cleaning lady plan would have stayed in place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You showed up FIVE hours later. THE SHIT WOULD HAVE HIT THE FAN if it had been me. You should have left immediately. I can understand not wanting to leave child with cleaning woman but what you did was beyond rude. You are a selfish birch.

Unless I totally misread, it was an hour and a half, which sounds like pretty reasonable travel time where she was.

+1, it was 1.5 hours per the OP. Pump the breaks on the "selfish birch" talk. Also, everyone knows birch trees are the least selfish of all deciduous trees so being a selfish birch isn't really a terrible insult.

lol

[Anonymous]

Yeah, in a similar situation, have them come to your house with DH still there. I wouldn't do solo weekends for awhile. Especially not with the baby--maybe when DD is a bit older.

[Anonymous]

Consider how other Indian MIL's treat their DIL's and be thankful.

As for the parenting -- the peanut thing is a big deal and the passing off your kid to some random you hadn't met was a semi-big deal. Talk about that, don't fret about the other stuff (presumably you LIKE free babysitting?)

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd just wait until your children are older. Honestly she just doesn't sound cut out for small children. She can't be relied on to nap and feed properly. Older kids can speak up more and don't need naps so then a loosey-goosey weekend might be fun for them.

So say no to weekends alone for NOW. Just kick the can down the road. Then try going to see them for a weekend, but you and DH go out. Then work your way up to an overnight, with you and DH nearby. Then maybe a weekend.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you again to everyone for all the advice. It is really helpful to see the range of responses, particularly regarding whether MIL's judgment really is that problematic! Sometimes it's hard to tell when in the midst of it.

In any case, one of the questions above is how much I like/need the free babysitting. The answer, honestly, is I don't. Not that it isn't nice to get an evening out here and there, but we have other coverage for that locally. We really do it for THEM; they push this all the time. I appreciate what PPs have said that parent-free weekends are not necessary or normal and that we can push back on that without feeling bad. I also agree that particularly once #2 arrives, there will be no unsupervised visits for a long while. The responses here have been really helpful in helping me not feel guilty about all the years of excuses we're looking at.

(Also, FWIW, I understand the comments about how the peanut thing could be a deal breaker. But I really do think the peanut thing is resolved. It was a super big deal when it happened, obviously, and we were horrified and very angry. But that was when the diagnosis was new; everything has sunk in now and they are very cautious with this. I mentioned it only because it shows how oddly scatter-brained she is about a basic things.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you again to everyone for all the advice. It is really helpful to see the range of responses, particularly regarding whether MIL's judgment really is that problematic! Sometimes it's hard to tell when in the midst of it.

In any case, one of the questions above is how much I like/need the free babysitting. The answer, honestly, is I don't. Not that it isn't nice to get an evening out here and there, but we have other coverage for that locally. We really do it for THEM; they push this all the time. I appreciate what PPs have said that parent-free weekends are not necessary or normal and that we can push back on that without feeling bad. I also agree that particularly once #2 arrives, there will be no unsupervised visits for a long while. The responses here have been really helpful in helping me not feel guilty about all the years of excuses we're looking at.

(Also, FWIW, I understand the comments about how the peanut thing could be a deal breaker. But I really do think the peanut thing is resolved. It was a super big deal when it happened, obviously, and we were horrified and very angry. But that was when the diagnosis was new; everything has sunk in now and they are very cautious with this. I mentioned it only because it shows how oddly scatter-brained she is about a basic things.)

Do you think MIL would have mentioned peanuts to the cleaning lady in her excitement to shlep to the delivery ward for a distant relative? Or the cleaning lady knew what to do if she did feed your child peanuts and a severe reaction occurred?