Could you stay with your DH if he cheated on you while you were pregnant?

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of sympathy for you. My mother was a SAHM and my father was a serial cheater.

I work and make more than double my husband's salary, but I would stay so that my children could be raised in a two-parent home. The marriage would be over in all but name, however. I would carry on as if I was a single woman co-parenting with a good friend of mine, complete with dating others and sleeping in separate rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is a SAHM and pregnant with second child. Her DH is cheating on her. She is devastated. Pregnancy hormones don't help. Totally financially dependent on her DH so she can't support herself and kids if she were to leave him.

I found out 10 days after my DD was born that DH had been cheating on me for 6+ months (found out this was not the first time, there were multiple others). Devastation cannot even begin to describe the emotions and years of mental turmoil to follow. I stayed... He was extremely remorseful, agreed to change whatever I demanded, agreed to counseling, etc..

Looking back now (this happened 10+ years ago) I'm not sure I should have stayed. DH has been great and claims he has been a faithful husband ever since. We have had some good years and some bad. However, it affected me in so many ways that I now think maybe we should have both moved on. I was just so vulnerable at the time. Things are never the same once that trust is broken and you always have your guard up around your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

ditto... i made 2/3 of the income in our family. He banged an unpaid intern.

[Anonymous]

Nope, I know I couldn't stay. I'm the type to hold grudges especially for something that serious. I know I'd always throw it in his face and he'd probably end up leaving anyway so I'd just do us both a favor and end it from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

ditto... i made 2/3 of the income in our family. He banged an unpaid intern.

Hillary? Is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom always told me "you work when you don't want to so you can walk when you have to." So I work just in case something like this happens.

this makes no sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me when I was pregnant with my 2nd. I found out just before my window for an abortion at 6 months closed. I thought hard about whether to keep the baby or not. I chose to continue the pregnancy for a variety of reasons, but can easily see how I might have chosen differently, particularly if I had been earlier in my pregnancy, my oldest had been younger and I had been less confident financially.

Here is my advice.

Don't feel like you have to make any decision right away.

See a lawyer immediately for a consult so you know the general likely terms of divorce. A consult of 1.5 hours should cost $750 or less. If you need to, take it in cash from daily bills at the supermarket.

Watch and document behavior, both for proof of affair and for custody issues. Proof of affair doesn't make a difference in divorce legally, but can give you the moral upper hand and thus some negotiating leverage. Monitor everything - cell phone bills, credit card, computer, bank accounts, etc. This sounds crazy, but affair participants often gaslight their partners.

Get back to work ASAP - whatever you can find. Even if you feel like it barely covers childcare, it puts you back in the job market with chances for better opportunities.

Remember that the likelihood this will turn out well, i.e. that when confronted the DH will be remorseful and work to regain trust and the relationship, is very, very slim. You may still want to try to confront and reconcile, but still the odds are long.

Remember also that the affair is in NO way the betrayed spouse's fault. Affairs happen because the wayward spouse consciously chooses to deceive rather than deal with problems. The betrayed spouse, flaws and all, is entitled to honesty and fair dealings.

I won't kid - it's a horrible situation to go through. I'm better now that I'm out with my kids, but the kids and I are negatively affect by their Dad's shitty choices for the rest of our lives, despite doing what we can to insulate ourselves.

6 MONTHS?!?!?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

ditto... i made 2/3 of the income in our family. He banged an unpaid intern.

Hillary? Is that you?

+1! Way to blame the OW and thus let the DH off the hook to stay married. Calling a third party a "skank" won't solve internal marital problems. It'll just give DH a retroactive hall pass. You both learn nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Have you met a man? They all feel entitled.

What an odd comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

ditto... i made 2/3 of the income in our family. He banged an unpaid intern.

Hillary? Is that you?

+1! Way to blame the OW and thus let the DH off the hook to stay married. Calling a third party a "skank" won't solve internal marital problems. It'll just give DH a retroactive hall pass. You both learn nothing.

if that makes your feel better... keep telling yourself these lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

Low income makes someone a skank? Way to judge. You should be calling your DH names. He is the one who cheated on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

Low income makes someone a skank? Way to judge. You should be calling your DH names. He is the one who cheated on you.

No fucking her husband makes her a skank, try to keep up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

Low income makes someone a skank? Way to judge. You should be calling your DH names. He is the one who cheated on you.

No fucking her husband makes her a skank, try to keep up

Oh, her husband is a skank, too! Got it!

[Anonymous]

A good attorney will make sure that she and the children are provided for, but she needs to move about 6 months of cash into an account with her own name on it and start interviewing lawyers NOW! A lot to do, but really is this marriage worth saving?