Would this hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you've done both your DH & DD a great disservice. SAH is great- if you can afford it. But your DD would be better off in a financially secure household with a father who doesn't resent her mother so much (and rightfully so!).

[Anonymous]

Typical male comment.

Some men do not realize how much raising an actual human being entails. It is WORK, rewarding work, but tough work.

To raise such an exceptional child is not something to ignore.

Trust me, if you were to fall off the face of this earth today, your husband would appreciate all that you do for his daughter every single day.

This is such a hurtful thing to say, I would be sad too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical male comment.

Some men do not realize how much raising an actual human being entails. It is WORK, rewarding work, but tough work.

To raise such an exceptional child is not something to ignore.

Trust me, if you were to fall off the face of this earth today, your husband would appreciate all that you do for his daughter every single day.

This is such a hurtful thing to say, I would be sad too.

But this family is struggling. They can't pay their bills. Their credit is shot. This arrangement is not working well for the OP's husband. Comforting him by saying "But I got what I wanted, isn't that great?" just continues to miss the point that he has needs too. For whatever reasons, this family needs two incomes in order to maintain their lifestyle. It's not about the OP's husband not recognizing that what she does is hard work. It's about her not recognizing why he is struggling or, if she recognizes it, not caring about that enough to make any compromises herself.

[Anonymous]

Wow, the babe troll!!! Amazing.

No way a real poster would have returned and dropped the babe again. Total troll.

[Anonymous]

OP I suggest you need your brain checked. I think you don't have any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babe???? Really????

Well, don't read the old thread without a barf bag handy! Babe-overload there!!

[Anonymous]

Not only is he right, but now he has another reason to be sad-- in his time of emotional vulnerability you made it all about *you* and asked him for a pat on the back, thinly veiled as trying to cheer him up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hurt by something husband said, and wonder how other people would feel in this case.

My husband was talking about the many reasons he's unhappy: too much stress and bullshit, too little time and money to enjoy life.

I wanted to point out something that's going well and pointed out that our babe (21 months old) is doing really well. She's happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. I truly believe that she's doing as well as she is because of the way she spends her days. I meant to say that a silver lining is that his hard work allows me to stay home, and I in turn go out of my way to provide what babe needs to develop so well.

And he said no, she would've been just as fine if we sent her to daycare as an infant. Meaning that I get no thanks or even recognition for making sure that babe's days are filled with exploration, animals, friends, encouragement, etc, etc. It just feels like such an insult and slap in the face. Would this upset you, or mean little to you?

Your DD would have gotten all of same experiences in a quality daycare center so I would not focus on those. Think about what you give her that a well-trained and well- compensated caregiver could not. List those for your DH. Remember nothing that can be outsourced.

I find that men are very, very concrete in general. Shortly after my partner moved in, I became very ill and stopped working for about 150 days. I had short term disability insurance paying my share of the bills, but it was hard for him to adjust initially to the fact that there were "good days" when I was home all day. We were in pre-marital counseling and our therapist did this great thing by having me describe how a "good day" at home was contributing to my recovery and our quality of life meanwhile. I listed everything. For example, using my energy to wash my hair myself instead of waiting to be driven to the salon; saving my energy so we could make love that night. Getting that list of things that could not be done on a "bad day", changed how he saw my time at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical male comment.

Some men do not realize how much raising an actual human being entails. It is WORK, rewarding work, but tough work.

To raise such an exceptional child is not something to ignore.

Trust me, if you were to fall off the face of this earth today, your husband would appreciate all that you do for his daughter every single day.

This is such a hurtful thing to say, I would be sad too.

my children are exceptional and I work outside the home. you don't need to be a SAHM to have great kids or to do a lot for your kids every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only is he right, but now he has another reason to be sad-- in his time of emotional vulnerability you made it all about *you* and asked him for a pat on the back, thinly veiled as trying to cheer him up.

+1. Total a-hole move, but reading the other thread, not surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hurt by something husband said, and wonder how other people would feel in this case.

My husband was talking about the many reasons he's unhappy: too much stress and bullshit, too little time and money to enjoy life.

I wanted to point out something that's going well and pointed out that our babe (21 months old) is doing really well. She's happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. I truly believe that she's doing as well as she is because of the way she spends her days. I meant to say that a silver lining is that his hard work allows me to stay home, and I in turn go out of my way to provide what babe needs to develop so well.

And he said no, she would've been just as fine if we sent her to daycare as an infant. Meaning that I get no thanks or even recognition for making sure that babe's days are filled with exploration, animals, friends, encouragement, etc, etc. It just feels like such an insult and slap in the face. Would this upset you, or mean little to you?

I would be hurt if you didn't validate the feelings your DH is having .... his stress and the bullshit, too little time and money.

[Anonymous]

Get a job and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Feel sorry for your husband and the tremendous pressure he's under right. Start earning money even if it's just $30 a day doing online transcription work during naptime or after she's in bed at night. Advertise for a child or two to join you at your house for $50-75 a day. Do something to help relieve the financial pressure in your home. And for the love of all that's holy stop saying babe. It's very off putting.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. Your kid probably would be exactly the same kid if she was in a nurturing day care situation. I'm sure you are doing a great job but easy kids are just easy kids. And easy kids don't always stay that way.

IMO The more valuable time to be with your kid is once they start school - after school. If you are available then they don't have to be in aftercare and can instead have play dates and spend time with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only is he right, but now he has another reason to be sad-- in his time of emotional vulnerability you made it all about *you* and asked him for a pat on the back, thinly veiled as trying to cheer him up.

+1. Total a-hole move, but reading the other thread, not surprising.

SAHM who absolutely agrees with these people. You should apologize to him.

Also, forget that whole "first 3 years" thing. My oldest is now in middle school, and believe me, middle school is when your kids need you most. It's when their peers' influence grows, and when they start engaging in risky behaviors. The hours between their return from school and a parent's return are fraught with potential hazards and difficult choices. Any one can give loving care to an infant/toddler. A parent is the best choice to actually guide an adolescent.

[Anonymous]

Sex strike!!