Would this hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

Good lord, I feel very sorry for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Look on the bright side OP! You've got a fantastic 21 month old daughter! So this fight means nothing, right?

Did that help at all?

When someone is discussing how stressed they feel, or a problem they have, giving that person a "Look on the bright side" speech is not helpful. You empathize with them. You perhaps help them strategize. But you do not point out to them how terrific their life is. That's condescending and it's not helpful in the slightest. Don't. Do. It.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hurt by something husband said, and wonder how other people would feel in this case.

My husband was talking about the many reasons he's unhappy: too much stress and bullshit, too little time and money to enjoy life.

I wanted to point out something that's going well and pointed out that our babe (21 months old) is doing really well. She's happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. I truly believe that she's doing as well as she is because of the way she spends her days. I meant to say that a silver lining is that his hard work allows me to stay home, and I in turn go out of my way to provide what babe needs to develop so well.

And he said no, she would've been just as fine if we sent her to daycare as an infant. Meaning that I get no thanks or even recognition for making sure that babe's days are filled with exploration, animals, friends, encouragement, etc, etc. It just feels like such an insult and slap in the face. Would this upset you, or mean little to you?

A good day-care or preschool will provide just that In fact, I am a little concerned with DC not being in a structured setting. We will look into this when he's 2.5 or so.

This may well have upset me, but that's reality. If you need to get a job to go by, you need to get a job. Yes, it is nice to be home if you want to, but it's not worth financial ruin. The "babe" will do just fine. You should appreciate the fact you didn't have to put her in strangers' hands at 6 weeks. That's a lot.

[Anonymous]

Your child is super well behaved at 21 months! ???

Come back and post in 12 months and let us know if developmentally she's right on track, as in the terrible twos have kicked in and she's testing her independence, her curiosity is running wild and she's always on the go. I wouldn't be so smug.

[Anonymous]

When someone is venting about the reasons they are unhappy let them vent. Don't take something they said when heated and not asking to be cheered up and make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look on the bright side OP! You've got a fantastic 21 month old daughter! So this fight means nothing, right?

Did that help at all?

When someone is discussing how stressed they feel, or a problem they have, giving that person a "Look on the bright side" speech is not helpful. You empathize with them. You perhaps help them strategize. But you do not point out to them how terrific their life is. That's condescending and it's not helpful in the slightest. Don't. Do. It.

not only that but now her feelings are hurt, yet another thing for her husband to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is right. Your DD's disposition isn't something you are controlling - it's just her nature.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is sinking in the middle of the ocean. He's asking you for a life jacket and you are just throwing an anchor at him. How do you not see that? Put your kid in daycare, get a f**king job and help him provide for your family. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. And so many people on the original thread accused her of being a "WOHM troll."

[Anonymous]

I just read a little of the other thread. If both are you, your husband is dying here. He needs some help supporting the family, and your comment about how great your daughter is doing is salt in his wounds.

I had the same reaction. It seems that you are the insensitive one here. Plus, your child would be fine in daycare. You are just looking for excuses and justification.

[Anonymous]

OMG I just read OP's original post (it has to be hers, if not a troll). Why the eff would you leave a job if you can't pay the bills?!

Also, FWIW, I've met moms who call their kids "babes." It's not just her.

[Anonymous]

I just looked at your other thread. Go away, troll!! Stop trying to fuel the mommy war fight. And if you're real, you need to get a job! And I'm a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get that staying home with your kid can be rewarding and great. And it's not that you didn't do a good job with her. But you did not do such a great job that it was worth financially ruining your family and making your husband miserable and worried and stressed.

At this point, you are doing your family more harm than good by insisting on staying home. Your husband can't tell you how much he values the time you are at home with the "babe" because the family is tanking and your finances are dire. Put her in daycare, get a real job, and help your husband pull your family out of this ditch and then he might be able to appreciate you.

She's a toddler. She will do fine in daycare with good caretakers. You don't NEED to be at home with her anymore and your husband is aware of that, which makes the drain even worse.

[Anonymous]

It could be a WOHM who is feeling insecure about her choices and wants reassurance. If that's true, OP, your child will thrive in daycare, you don't need to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Your Dh is right. A good daycare would have yielded the same results and maybe even better in terms of socialization. You're just trying to justify staying home in your own mind. Not saying you haven't done a good job, but it's really unnecessary. You could be making money and saving towards your baby's college education.