Step-Grandmother Misspells My Kids' Names

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's truly a mistake/unintentional/age-related, then ignoring the mistake is the kind thing to do.

If it is on purpose/petty/a dig, then you cheerfully ignoring it is absolutely the best "revenge".

So you've got your course of action either way: ignore, ignore, ignore

+1

And you'll know for certain it was meant as a dig if you ignore it and she brings it up later. She'll say, "oh, I just can't remember if I spelled Jack's and Tom's names correctly when I sent their gifts, I'm never really sure of the spelling" and you can say, "hm, I didn't notice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a step-grandma who is doing the same type of strange things. It took us a while to see she is starting to get dementia, at 90. To be fair, she was always sharp with her words to us but now she has an excuse.

OP here - she's not even 65 yet. My dad remarried a younger woman when I was less than 5. Still, I'm planning to let go of the annoyance part (ignore ignore ignore) but raise it as a joke to my siblings (her children) to see if it gets corrected for the kids' sake.

I have the step grandma in her 90s. Yours doesn't have that excuse if she's under 65. I think you are handling it right with you plan. I can tell you that I'm not bothered by the stuff mine says anymore but my own parents still get mad. It's from years of listening to her jabs and passive aggressive comments. It got worse once my grandfather died years ago before the dementia kicked in. Sorry you are going through this, OP.

[Anonymous]

My sister mis-spelled my DH's last name for many years. My SIL mis-pronounced his name for ever as well. My MIL called me by DH's ex's name for 10 years. My own parents called an old boyfriend's name by a prior boyfriend's name for the duration of our dating.

Tons of examples of ...I don't know... a mix of passive aggression plus casual rudeness (as in, you're not important enough for me to remember your name or spelling).

I think it's rude, but I don't think anyone can change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a step-grandma who is doing the same type of strange things. It took us a while to see she is starting to get dementia, at 90. To be fair, she was always sharp with her words to us but now she has an excuse.

OP here - she's not even 65 yet. My dad remarried a younger woman when I was less than 5. Still, I'm planning to let go of the annoyance part (ignore ignore ignore) but raise it as a joke to my siblings (her children) to see if it gets corrected for the kids' sake.

Please do let it go, and look at the big picture -- your stepmother is the one who put the effort into wrapping, packing and shipping (probably purchasing too) gifts for your children for Christmas. Not your father, your stepmother. Please try to see the good here rather than the bad. She could have just left it all to your dad on principle, but she didn't. That's a caring gesture.

[Anonymous]

My DH'S grandmother has spelled DD's name wrong from the first day she was born. I chose the French version with an extra -le on the end and Gma has always left it off. I could not care less. I'm just touched she remembers us and sends thoughtful gifts.

And early onset memory problems can start when people are in their 60s. Cut the woman some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a step-grandma who is doing the same type of strange things. It took us a while to see she is starting to get dementia, at 90. To be fair, she was always sharp with her words to us but now she has an excuse.

OP here - she's not even 65 yet. My dad remarried a younger woman when I was less than 5. Still, I'm planning to let go of the annoyance part (ignore ignore ignore) but raise it as a joke to my siblings (her children) to see if it gets corrected for the kids' sake.

I have the step grandma in her 90s. Yours doesn't have that excuse if she's under 65. I think you are handling it right with you plan. I can tell you that I'm not bothered by the stuff mine says anymore but my own parents still get mad. It's from years of listening to her jabs and passive aggressive comments. It got worse once my grandfather died years ago before the dementia kicked in. Sorry you are going through this, OP.

My MIL has early onset dementia. We think it started in the 50's, early 60's looking back. Anything is possible. If she's decent, that's one thing to overlook... she's trying.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name when I got married. My mother was quite pissed over it. She would address joint checks (anniversary and Christmas) Mr and Mrs. Thomas Jones. For several years I would ask her who Mrs. THomas Jones was and explain that I didn't change my name and was Sue Smith.

She continued with the Mrs Thomas Jones.
We didn't need the $25 or $50 she was gifting, so I stopped cashing the checks.

When she finally asked several times why I hadn't cashed her checks, I told her the bank wouldn't let me because the names on the accounts were Thomas Jones and Sue Smith.

She finally got the point, but it still burns me thinking how she tried to control what I called MYSELF.

But I will get the last laugh when I choose her nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Have your kids write thank you notes and tart writing HER name funny - Beatryce instead of Beatrice and see what she does.
If you have to write out her name for anything, write it wrong.

[Anonymous]

My late grandmother used to misspell my kids' names too -- who cares

[Anonymous]

Really no big deal, you are looking for issues.

I misspelled my husband's name on a couple of his gifts, a mix of poor handwriting and not paying attention. His name is 4-letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your kids write thank you notes and tart writing HER name funny - Beatryce instead of Beatrice and see what she does.
If you have to write out her name for anything, write it wrong.

OP, do this only if you want your children to learn to be mean, petty and vindictive. Same goes for you-- don't model meanness and pettiness for your kids by intentionally spelling Grandma's name wrong as this immature PP recommends. I don't think you'd do it, though, since you have embraced the wiser course of ignoring the spelling mistakes.

I also note, OP, that you say your dad is not well enough to shop and send, and so grandma does it. Maybe she is having to shop and send while also providing care for him or getting him to doctor appointments or run the house on her own or just worry about him or whatever....That would be a case for cutting her plenty of slack on this insignificant thing. And then asking her if she needs help with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 38 and one of my mom's sisters has mis-pronounced my name my entire life. She is bizarre and weird and quirky and all those things. My mom says she corrected her for a few years and just gave up. I don't know how she doesn't hear that everyone else pronounces it
Elizabeth (with the "I" pronounced like "it")
And she insists on saying
Eleeeeezabeth

Maybe this doesn't help your situation but she may just be tone deaf or clueless or really bad with names

You would be surprised how many people can't hear the difference between Laura and Lora.

or Kerry, Kari, Carrie....
I stopped caring about spelling and pronouncing a long time ago!

[Anonymous]

Is it a regional thing?
We have a cat named Okra and I have a 70 year old relative from the mid-west who calls her Oprah. The first time we said okra, like the food - he didn't know what okra was. I still don't think he knows what okra is. We just roll with it. It's a dark calico cat and I'm sure he thinks it's a black cat named Oprah.

[Anonymous]

Yes op keep dwelling on this. I am sure you can manufacture some other slights if you keep thinking about it. She sent presents to your kids( more than your dad did). She does have her own family just like you.

[Anonymous]

So op what you are saying is this woman went out and bought presents for your children. Wrapped and sent them, but purposely misspelled their names just to put you in your place? Sure. I bet the names can be spelled a few different ways. But what does it mean that she spelled one right? She must be trying to pit the kids off against each other. Your issue is with your dad, not this lady.