Anyone have a high schooler that you don't think is ready for college yet?

[Anonymous]

What school 12:24?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't know why we as a society have bought into this go straight to college after high school crap. I can't tell you how many friends I have who went straight off when they obviously were not ready...then returned home in less than a year. I think MOST kids would benefit from some time off to mature, discover their passion, and truly value their college experience.

[Anonymous]

Alibaba wrote:OP: Yes. She has been in therapy for several years. We just started dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and they are leaning towards a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. She lost her dad 4 years ago and it's been a struggle.

I don't think they are supposed to diagnose that this early - are you sure your care providers are reputable?

- Parent with similar issues - DD did grow out of some of the issues (with therapy) but our providers really cautioned against bringing that diagnosis into play at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think they are supposed to diagnose that this early - are you sure your care providers are reputable?

- Parent with similar issues - DD did grow out of some of the issues (with therapy) but our providers really cautioned against bringing that diagnosis into play at a young age.

Op here: they don't usually diagnose bpd until a girl is 18 and i think needs to be at a certain level of maturity. They are treating her for all of it and have said she could outgrow many (or even all) of her adhd, depression, anxiety etc.

I am confidant in her counsellors. it's so hard to tell with her. Thank you for your comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at this college. They have a special program for kids with ADHD. Wonderful professors, very supportive.
http://www.muskingum.edu/admission/plus.html
It is an hour outside of Columbus, OH

NP here, that looks like a great program.
I also have a DC with ADD, occasional oppositional behavior and difficulty keeping all the academic balls in the air at one time.
Muskingum looks like it would be a great fit for him, but I think he prefers CC and then transfer in two years.

Thanks for posting that link.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think they are supposed to diagnose that this early - are you sure your care providers are reputable?

- Parent with similar issues - DD did grow out of some of the issues (with therapy) but our providers really cautioned against bringing that diagnosis into play at a young age.

Op here: they don't usually diagnose bpd until a girl is 18 and i think needs to be at a certain level of maturity. They are treating her for all of it and have said she could outgrow many (or even all) of her adhd, depression, anxiety etc.

I am confidant in her counsellors. it's so hard to tell with her. Thank you for your comments.

Good luck. I know its a hard road. ADHD and depression are still under treatment for our DD. I would describe our progress as two steps forward, one back, so hang in there. I read a book on BPD at one point and used a lot of the validating listening techniques- can't recall book - b/c I had some concerns DD would have this. In any event the techniques for how to validate without agreeing have been very valuable for my relationship with DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had the same DD (less the depression and anxiety). Just a smart but won't-work-hard social kid. The thought of her being at home at ages 18, 19, 20 really concerned me. DH and I decided to let her go to college (rather than insisting she live at home and go to GMU) where she's having loads of fun. But she's been navigating the school studies and social activities. Her grades aren't great but about what I've come to expect. For her, a year or two at home just would not have drastically changed the outcome (meaning I think she's just gonna be a 3.0GPA college grad no matter what we do).

If she's social and hot she will land on her feet with a 3.0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't know why we as a society have bought into this go straight to college after high school crap. I can't tell you how many friends I have who went straight off when they obviously were not ready...then returned home in less than a year. I think MOST kids would benefit from some time off to mature, discover their passion, and truly value their college experience.

I graduated with 1500 SAT's, 700+ in sat subject tests, 4/5's in multiple AP's, top 2% in my graduating class in a decent schools, and I am inquisitive and a big reader.

I almost ended up dropping out of college - I should've NEVER have gone straight to college. If we had national service in this country for 2 years it would've helped me out immensely. I was not ready to go to college at 17. Enlisting in the army wasn't an option because of the length of enlistment was too long.

I did fine in grad school but undergrad was a dumpster fire.

Our society in the middle and umc classes has bought into kids going straight to college because we are in a hyper competitive society economically and feel that if said kid doesn't, they'll be left behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't know why we as a society have bought into this go straight to college after high school crap. I can't tell you how many friends I have who went straight off when they obviously were not ready...then returned home in less than a year. I think MOST kids would benefit from some time off to mature, discover their passion, and truly value their college experience.

I graduated with 1500 SAT's, 700+ in sat subject tests, 4/5's in multiple AP's, top 2% in my graduating class in a decent schools, and I am inquisitive and a big reader.

I almost ended up dropping out of college - I should've NEVER have gone straight to college. If we had national service in this country for 2 years it would've helped me out immensely. I was not ready to go to college at 17. Enlisting in the army wasn't an option because of the length of enlistment was too long.

I did fine in grad school but undergrad was a dumpster fire.

Our society in the middle and umc classes has bought into kids going straight to college because we are in a hyper competitive society economically and feel that if said kid doesn't, they'll be left behind.

I have a similar story. I was floundering in college so I dropped out for a couple of years. I worked a lot, and realized that to do the kind of work I wanted to do I'd have to go to college and grad school. So I went back with new motivation, did very well, got into a good grad school and lived happily ever after. I also came from a dysfunctional home so maybe it was that or maybe it just took longer for me to mature. But I do think taking some time off before college is beneficial for some. Hope it works out OP.

[Anonymous]

DD started doing way better in HS junior year. Moving to a new school was a tough transition for her. She is a bit immature and I think a year at a CC would help her understand how college works and be more sure of herself.

She is sad because some of her friends are going away to college but in a year or two she can transfer to those schools. I tell her, it is not where you start but where you finish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think they are supposed to diagnose that this early - are you sure your care providers are reputable?

- Parent with similar issues - DD did grow out of some of the issues (with therapy) but our providers really cautioned against bringing that diagnosis into play at a young age.

Op here: they don't usually diagnose bpd until a girl is 18 and i think needs to be at a certain level of maturity. They are treating her for all of it and have said she could outgrow many (or even all) of her adhd, depression, anxiety etc.

I am confidant in her counsellors. it's so hard to tell with her. Thank you for your comments.

Good luck. I know its a hard road. ADHD and depression are still under treatment for our DD. I would describe our progress as two steps forward, one back, so hang in there. I read a book on BPD at one point and used a lot of the validating listening techniques- can't recall book - b/c I had some concerns DD would have this. In any event the techniques for how to validate without agreeing have been very valuable for my relationship with DD.

+1

I am guessing the book was "Stop Walking on Eggshells." Am a huge fan of anyone who has a teen with problems learning validation techniques. It's a shame it seems to be largely reserved for dealing with those with BPD. OP, I heartily endorse the recommendation of exploring learning about validation.

These techniques helped enormously with my DD who faced a confusing mess of medical and psychological problems and the academics of high school was the thing that had to go for her to cope. Academics had always been my priority so it was hard to let go, but at some point I realized it was either that or a child who literally would not survive. That made the choice more than clear.

She just missed finishing high school. It took a good two years or more to bring her back to a place that could pass for not sick. Almost overnight and on her own she did her GED and enrolled in CC, where she is doing spectacularly and has set challenging goals for her future studies.

This has all taken me by surprise--I would have been overwhelmingly happy if she had not gone to college but instead found some engaging work she could go off to happily every day.

OP, I count my blessings every day that we live in America. This is the land of the second, third, and nth chances. You can reinvent yourself and many do it every day. There are very, very few other countries where this is possible. Your DD has so many ways to success in front of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think they are supposed to diagnose that this early - are you sure your care providers are reputable?

- Parent with similar issues - DD did grow out of some of the issues (with therapy) but our providers really cautioned against bringing that diagnosis into play at a young age.

Op here: they don't usually diagnose bpd until a girl is 18 and i think needs to be at a certain level of maturity. They are treating her for all of it and have said she could outgrow many (or even all) of her adhd, depression, anxiety etc.

I am confidant in her counsellors. it's so hard to tell with her. Thank you for your comments.

Good luck. I know its a hard road. ADHD and depression are still under treatment for our DD. I would describe our progress as two steps forward, one back, so hang in there. I read a book on BPD at one point and used a lot of the validating listening techniques- can't recall book - b/c I had some concerns DD would have this. In any event the techniques for how to validate without agreeing have been very valuable for my relationship with DD.

+1

I am guessing the book was "Stop Walking on Eggshells." Am a huge fan of anyone who has a teen with problems learning validation techniques. It's a shame it seems to be largely reserved for dealing with those with BPD. OP, I heartily endorse the recommendation of exploring learning about validation.

These techniques helped enormously with my DD who faced a confusing mess of medical and psychological problems and the academics of high school was the thing that had to go for her to cope. Academics had always been my priority so it was hard to let go, but at some point I realized it was either that or a child who literally would not survive. That made the choice more than clear.

She just missed finishing high school. It took a good two years or more to bring her back to a place that could pass for not sick. Almost overnight and on her own she did her GED and enrolled in CC, where she is doing spectacularly and has set challenging goals for her future studies.

This has all taken me by surprise--I would have been overwhelmingly happy if she had not gone to college but instead found some engaging work she could go off to happily every day.

OP, I count my blessings every day that we live in America. This is the land of the second, third, and nth chances. You can reinvent yourself and many do it every day. There are very, very few other countries where this is possible. Your DD has so many ways to success in front of her.

I have a similar situation with a DC who had serious mental health issues in high school. We also dropped school to concentrate on achieving mental health. DC got a GED and started CC with just a small number of credits first semester. With good grades and effort, we allowed more credits in the next semester until we got to FT. The hardest thing was that DCs social group moved on to traditional college and there has not been much of a social connection in CC. But the flexibility and not super intensive academics has been the right fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[

I have a similar situation with a DC who had serious mental health issues in high school. We also dropped school to concentrate on achieving mental health. DC got a GED and started CC with just a small number of credits first semester. With good grades and effort, we allowed more credits in the next semester until we got to FT. The hardest thing was that DCs social group moved on to traditional college and there has not been much of a social connection in CC. But the flexibility and not super intensive academics has been the right fit.

Previous PP. My DD has found a volunteer organization she is quite passionate about and which is very active. The socialization she gets from that is helping to make up for what she is not getting at CC. She has just had to get over her HS peers being close to finishing college. At this point she feels comfortable with them because she feels a lot of pride in what she has been able to achieve since coming back.