How do you divide up shared and individual accounts with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

No, not legitimate.

If you believe joint accounts = forfeiture of control, this necessarily means that both the man and woman in a joint account can lose some or all control. Unless you believe that it's impossible for men and women to share equal control over a joint account, or that women can't possibly assume majority control over a joint account, as so many joint-account relationships do, then your feelings are not legitimate.

A joint account can be liquidated by either party at any time.

Both spouses should always have their own money, credit, etc.

While it's all unicorns and fairies to think that such things would never happen in a marriage, I guarantee you they do.

Except that, when such things do happen, separate accounts do not make a difference, except for the fact that they can be liquated. And even then, if there is a paper trial, that money can and probably will be ordered back to the spouse.

Spouses can and should have separate accounts if that works best for them, but know the $$ made during marriage is a marital asset. And agreements to keep the funds separate can and do fall apart during a divorce. I have seen it happen frequently. So don't do it because it will help you in the case of a divorce. And if you do it because your spouse is bad with money, just know that the bad money issues can still be your problem in the case of a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

I think it is unfortunate that you assume women are forfeiting control. In most cases I know, husbands and wives either jointly make monetary decisions or the woman handles the money. I only know one friend whose H handles the finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

I think it is unfortunate that you assume women are forfeiting control. In most cases I know, husbands and wives either jointly make monetary decisions or the woman handles the money. I only know one friend whose H handles the finances.

I'm a dw here. I manage our finances and we use joint accounts. We occasionally discuss finances but really my husband is horrible with budgeting.

Having separate accounts can sometimes just be a form of avoidance. It may be easier at first to keep things separate when you have a high spending spouse. But then what happens ten years down the road when it is time to buy a home or retire? That big spending spouse isn't going to have the savings to contribute.

Also I agree that having separate accounts doesn't protect you in divorce.

[Anonymous]

We have always had joint accounts, even when we were living together and not married because together we earned under 40k and would have bounced checks otherwise. Now we earn more and we have two joint accounts-- one for each paycheck, with different bills being paid from each but that is as a matter of convenience, not because it's one person's money vs anothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Except that, when such things do happen, separate accounts do not make a difference, except for the fact that they can be liquated. And even then, if there is a paper trial, that money can and probably will be ordered back to the spouse.

Spouses can and should have separate accounts if that works best for them, but know the $$ made during marriage is a marital asset. And agreements to keep the funds separate can and do fall apart during a divorce. I have seen it happen frequently. So don't do it because it will help you in the case of a divorce. And if you do it because your spouse is bad with money, just know that the bad money issues can still be your problem in the case of a divorce.

I'm sure lots of people who've seen money disappear as a marriage collapses would be thrilled to tell you that it's a 100% certainty that that money gets returned under a court order. The same way that it's a 100% certainty that child support gets paid once there's a court order.

None of my feelings about separate accounts have to do with shielding money in a divorce*--they have to do with the fact that I am my own person and DH is his own person and we can come together as a team to pay our bills and have an incredibly successful financial life, but that doesn't mean my having to become The Little Woman who with stars in her eyes hands over 100% of the paycheck that I earn each month. And I would never ask DH to do that either with 100% of the money he has made. We know what the financial responsibilities are to the household and to each other, and when retirement comes finances will probably become much more joint, but at this point, once the household expenses are covered via the monies we each put in the joint account, neither of us care nor need to see every spending decision the other one makes with the fruits of their own labor.

(Obv we make similar amounts of money and also are doing quite well, but even when finances were much more tight, we operated this way. And it in fact requires a lot of communication about money. We also are both very responsible about spending. All of which makes it work for us.)

*Though, if you get a big inheritance, you most definitely need to keep it in a separate personal account if you have any hope of keeping 100% of it in a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Except that, when such things do happen, separate accounts do not make a difference, except for the fact that they can be liquated. And even then, if there is a paper trial, that money can and probably will be ordered back to the spouse.

Spouses can and should have separate accounts if that works best for them, but know the $$ made during marriage is a marital asset. And agreements to keep the funds separate can and do fall apart during a divorce. I have seen it happen frequently. So don't do it because it will help you in the case of a divorce. And if you do it because your spouse is bad with money, just know that the bad money issues can still be your problem in the case of a divorce.

I'm sure lots of people who've seen money disappear as a marriage collapses would be thrilled to tell you that it's a 100% certainty that that money gets returned under a court order. The same way that it's a 100% certainty that child support gets paid once there's a court order.

None of my feelings about separate accounts have to do with shielding money in a divorce*--they have to do with the fact that I am my own person and DH is his own person and we can come together as a team to pay our bills and have an incredibly successful financial life, but that doesn't mean my having to become The Little Woman who with stars in her eyes hands over 100% of the paycheck that I earn each month. [u]And I would never ask DH to do that either with 100% of the money he has made. We know what the financial responsibilities are to the household and to each other, and when retirement comes finances will probably become much more joint, but at this point, once the household expenses are covered via the monies we each put in the joint account, neither of us care nor need to see every spending decision the other one makes with the fruits of their own labor.

(Obv we make similar amounts of money and also are doing quite well, but even when finances were much more tight, we operated this way. And it in fact requires a lot of communication about money. We also are both very responsible about spending. All of which makes it work for us.)

*Though, if you get a big inheritance, you most definitely need to keep it in a separate personal account if you have any hope of keeping 100% of it in a divorce.

I am sorry, but you have issues. 1., you conveniently cut out the post I was responding to and in doing so, removed the context of my reply. 2., you are disparaging women with joint accounts. Why do you assume women with joint accounts are handing over their paychecks? And if they are, perhaps because their H is better with finances, so why put them down? There is another post on this board right now with an H who is bad with money and many posters are suggesting the best thing to do is have the wife take over his finances. If that happens in reverse, why do you view that as a woman giving up control rather than a person acknowledging that they may not be great with finances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

No, not legitimate.

If you believe joint accounts = forfeiture of control, this necessarily means that both the man and woman in a joint account can lose some or all control. Unless you believe that it's impossible for men and women to share equal control over a joint account, or that women can't possibly assume majority control over a joint account, as so many joint-account relationships do, then your feelings are not legitimate.

A joint account can be liquidated by either party at any time.

Both spouses should always have their own money, credit, etc.

While it's all unicorns and fairies to think that such things would never happen in a marriage, I guarantee you they do.

Sure, a joint account can be emptied by either party, so the concern about "women" in particular is not legitimate.

Indeed, spouses should have their own credit, because liabilities should be tied only to individuals, because there are some additional hurdles for holders of individual debt to get at joint assets.

If you can't trust the other person enough about money, why trust them with the rest of your life?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand there's so much butthurt about the fact that different married people can successfully handle their finances in different ways.

[Anonymous]

I am a DW here. We have mostly joint accounts, we have a couple single accounts that lingered from before we were married. My DH rarely looks at the accounts. I pay all the bills and try to save as much as possible. We don't usually worry about who is spending what. If I was keeping track (okay, I really am) he spends a whole lot more than me, just because his hobbies are more expensive than mine. As long as we have plenty of money in the account, I don't care. He primarily uses his Discover card, but not everyone takes that, so he just tells me if he uses the other one, just so I know to pay it.

In full disclosure, I do have some money socked away in case I need to make a Julia Roberts Sleeping with the Enemy escape in the middle of the night. Which if that were the case I am not worried about divorce proceedings, and just worried about getting out. Which of course probably won't happen, but you never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW here. We have mostly joint accounts, we have a couple single accounts that lingered from before we were married. My DH rarely looks at the accounts. I pay all the bills and try to save as much as possible. We don't usually worry about who is spending what. If I was keeping track (okay, I really am) he spends a whole lot more than me, just because his hobbies are more expensive than mine. As long as we have plenty of money in the account, I don't care. He primarily uses his Discover card, but not everyone takes that, so he just tells me if he uses the other one, just so I know to pay it.

In full disclosure, I do have some money socked away in case I need to make a Julia Roberts Sleeping with the Enemy escape in the middle of the night. Which if that were the case I am not worried about divorce proceedings, and just worried about getting out. Which of course probably won't happen, but you never know.

Seriously, it enters your thoughts that there is a potential scenario under which things might get so bad with your husband that you might have to fake your death to get away? If that is accurate then you have much bigger problems than joint accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I are trying to migrate to more shared accounting system (instead of two larger personal accounts and one small shared one). Curious to hear how others do it themselves or would approach our situation.
This is our situation, how would you set it up so that we largely have shared account but each have a personal account we can still tap into?

LIFESTYLE
2 young kids. Renting. 2 full time salaried jobs.

INCOME/SAVINGS
Me: $140 + lots of savings
Him: $160 + moderate savings
(Neither are likely to change drastically)

CURRENT ACCOUNTS
His/Her personal checking and savings accounts (60+% of income)
Small shared account for household expenses (<40% of income)

MORE IDEAL SET UP
?
?


If you kept a small personal account (for gifts, personal splurges), how did you justify how much goes into the larger shared account if one of you makes more?

(Assuming nobody has "money issues.") My DH and I (now married 17 years) kept all previously separate money separate (like, I had inherited some) and put all earnings in a joint account, then had an automatic withdrawal of a small amount each a month that went into our separate accounts.

We lived in a community property state, and we were just out of law school, so we made up a contract (because it was fun for us to do so) that said that commingling of community funds into separate property accounts would not change the separate nature of the property. That way if the small amount of money from our incomes went into the account with my inheritance, it stayed as separate property.

This worked out great in the beginning of our marriage, when we paid our own car's insurance, and I paid for my perm/hair, and of course for presents for each other. As time went on we naturally started merging more and more into paying for things with our joint money, and then we got rid of the automatic withdrawals. You really get to a point where you don't need a separate account for gifts or splurges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Except that, when such things do happen, separate accounts do not make a difference, except for the fact that they can be liquated. And even then, if there is a paper trial, that money can and probably will be ordered back to the spouse.

Spouses can and should have separate accounts if that works best for them, but know the $$ made during marriage is a marital asset. And agreements to keep the funds separate can and do fall apart during a divorce. I have seen it happen frequently. So don't do it because it will help you in the case of a divorce. And if you do it because your spouse is bad with money, just know that the bad money issues can still be your problem in the case of a divorce.

I'm sure lots of people who've seen money disappear as a marriage collapses would be thrilled to tell you that it's a 100% certainty that that money gets returned under a court order. The same way that it's a 100% certainty that child support gets paid once there's a court order.

None of my feelings about separate accounts have to do with shielding money in a divorce*--they have to do with the fact that I am my own person and DH is his own person and we can come together as a team to pay our bills and have an incredibly successful financial life, but that doesn't mean my having to become The Little Woman who with stars in her eyes hands over 100% of the paycheck that I earn each month. And I would never ask DH to do that either with 100% of the money he has made. We know what the financial responsibilities are to the household and to each other, and when retirement comes finances will probably become much more joint, but at this point, once the household expenses are covered via the monies we each put in the joint account, neither of us care nor need to see every spending decision the other one makes with the fruits of their own labor.

(Obv we make similar amounts of money and also are doing quite well, but even when finances were much more tight, we operated this way. And it in fact requires a lot of communication about money. We also are both very responsible about spending. All of which makes it work for us.)

*Though, if you get a big inheritance, you most definitely need to keep it in a separate personal account if you have any hope of keeping 100% of it in a divorce.

You just have a completely different opinion on this. Most women don't view it as handing over their paycheck. Why? Their name is on the account! Same for their husband.


My husband and I have a joint account and put 100 percent of our paycheck in it. It works for us. If I wanted to have a separate account I would take it as a sign I shouldn't be married. If you can't share your wealth then there's a problem.