Parents are hoarders, don't understand why I don't want their junk

[Anonymous]

I would ask a neighbor to call who is not known by the parents -- that way it absolves any of the immediate people in the area, family or friends. I can see why you wouldn't want to make you or your brother the bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I hate to tell you this but it's only going to get worse. I've not been "home" in two decades because my parents are embarrassed to have me come in the house. My mother mails me oddball ancient things that have to go right in the trash. Unfortunately, it is a very difficult condition to change; most hoarders and enablers are resistant to help. My brother and I are right now trying to decide if it is time to call in on the County's hoarding hotline because our attempts to help have failed. My parents are in their 80s and we live in fear that they are going to fall or catch the house on fire, but they will not let us near the house to help.

PP, another PP here, it might help to call the county and ask what would happen if you made a formal report, so you can think about it with the details in hand. I didn't end up needing to make that call, but I was glad to have that information in my back pocket.

Thanks, I already did. In this particular County, you first call the hoarding hotline. Normally they send out a social services agent who knocks on the door and asks permission to enter. The occupant can turn them away (which would be the case with parents). The agency then turns it over to the police and they then make a "welfare check" and may enter the premises. At that time, after the police have observed, they reassign it back to the social services agency to set up regular meetings by a worker (like you've seen on Hoarders) who makes as many visits as necessary. However, upon hearing the details on my particular case, the hoarding hotline told me to call the police directly and ask for a "welfare check". I am out of state. They prefer that an in-state person make the call, so it would fall upon my brother to make that call. The police then have "exigent circumstances" to enter the dwelling and observe. A subsequent call to the County by Brother told us that the police would disclose who made the complaint call, which is sort of beyond the point now. But the neighbors have expressed conceen and wondered, too, if they should call. However, once Brother makes that call, the family will be destroyed. Very very tough call: Parents falling, getting hurt, dying in fire vs. making that single phone call.

No it won't. What will happen is there will be family conflict and you don't like conflict so you see that as a reason not to call.
Make the call.

[Anonymous]

Can you hold out a black hefty bag and tell them to drop everything in there they want to give you? On the way out of town just dump the bag in a dumpster.

[Anonymous]

Took some furniture from my parents. Later decided to donate it. THe Salvation Army wouldn't take it. They said it was unsafe. Yes, I told my parents that -- but it made no difference. Somewhere on line there's a support group for children of hoarders.

Just curious -- Are any of the rest of you severely inclined to go the other direction? I keep practically nothing because I"m so scared of becoming a hoarder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was going to call the fire Marshall, or whoever, on my parents, who are their 80s, when the health crisis hit last year and one of them was hospitalized. So they agreed to move to a senior living place. And lo and behold they didn't take any of their hoard with them. They bought all new stuff. Problem: their old house is sitting there full of crap, they refuse to sell it or even clean it out, even though they aren't living in it.

Ha! Same for my in-laws. FIL is deceased and BIL had until May of this year to clean it out but did not and now has an extension until November. Don't expect it to be done in November either. MIL is living at the assisted living facility and basically refuses to deal. Have offered to help clean it out many times including over the summer. Asked if we could stay at the house over Christmas hoping that will give them an incentive to clean it out but no.

Oh well. Maybe when MIL passes away, BIL will buy us out and live there (keeping it exactly the way it is).

I'm dealing with a similar problem, with more than 1 property. Grandparents died, Dad inherited farmhouse. The house is still sitting full of junk after many years - literally falling down. No one lives there. Dad can't bring himself to clean it up or sell. Mom died and parents house is now unoccupied, but still full of stuff. Dad now lives with my brother, who is probably even more of a hoarder. I don't want to damage my relationship with my brother, but will have to force the issue when Dad passes. I'll be stuck with clean-up unless bro buys me out - which I know won't happen.