My "one and only" niece

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was this question recently.

I think it's really weird to not consider your spouses nieces/nephews, also your own.

http://dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/467872.page#6875695

+1. Our family certainly does consider them to be so.

I guess it varies. I hadn't realized it was so common to not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

She is your uncle's wife. You are an in-law to her. You are not her niece. At best you are her "niece-in-law" and nobody uses that phrase or counts "niece-in-law" as a significant relationship.

I doubt her use of the phrase as malicious. She probably wasn't thinking about you being so fragile or easily butthurt when she said it. You need to toughen up, buttercup.

I think you're probably the minority on this. Nieces/nephews by marriage are still nieces/nephews. If your sibling adopted a child, would you not count them as your niece/nephew, because you're not genetically related? That's just gross.

The distinction is really weird and bizarre. My SIL has a step-son. He's my nephew, even though he's still new to the family. But he's just as much my niece/nephew as those I've known since birth, or am related to.

Adopted kids are nieces and nephews. That's different. That involves people who are legally related. OP's uncle's wife doens't even have a legal relationship to OP. She's an "aunt in law." That is such an attenuated relatiionship that we don't have a word for it. It's not recognized at law. It's not a thing.

If you want to make an "aunt in law" or a "niece in law" part of your family of choice, that's great. It's not an obligation, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But saying "one and only" is making it damn clear she doesn't consider the others family. She could've just said "my niece Larla". It's a distinction made to hurt people.

I think this pp probably nailed it, however; given the replies, it sounds like we'd need to know more about the context of the conversation, OP, and if this type of distinction is usual in the "aunt's" family.

Also, as a tangent, I think it's also what people do, not just say. My FIL goes on and on about how family is everything, family this, family that, every f'n toast is to "La Familia" because he learned during is time in South America that family is everything blah blah.

When he's meeting with his sons (one is my DH) about the (small) family business that his kids are part of, even though this business affects our taxes, he won't have the spouses in the room even though the sons want the spouses in the room.

The in-law wives' birthdays are forgotten.

Last time FIL came to our house, his sons were there and the sat down together for hours while in-law wives did dishes and stood around and were not invited to sit with them.

These are sort of petty examples but hopefully you get the point. All this "family, family" is just a bunch of talk. And setting the stage for him to come live with one of us in-law wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

It is different when it is a sibling. You grew up with the sibling and shared the first two decades or so of your life with her. Seeing her have a child is different and your connection to that child is different. It just is.

While I do agree with this in a lot of ways, I would never, ever say what OP said about say my DH brother's kids-or my step siblings kids (who are adorable cousins with my kid!), its meant to be exclusionary with the goal of holding up one person over the others and that's just rude. You can have your own personal level of relationship without needing everyone and their mother (pun intended) to know whom is more important to you than who!

[Anonymous]

No, it's not weird. Niece and nephew are blood relationship, you can't be a niece-by-law. My DH's nieces and nephews are his, and my (only) niece is mine. We don't think of them as belonging to each of us equally. That would be weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By definition, the children of your spouse's siblings are your nieces and nephews. The children of your spouse's sibling's spouse's are your nieces and nephews.

You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.

When did being inclusive become a bad thing?

No they aren't. The definition of niece and nephew are your siblings' children. Inclusive is a good thing but you can be inclusive without calling them niece and nephew. Words have meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By definition, the children of your spouse's siblings are your nieces and nephews. The children of your spouse's sibling's spouse's are your nieces and nephews.

You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.

When did being inclusive become a bad thing?

No they aren't. The definition of niece and nephew are your siblings' children. Inclusive is a good thing but you can be inclusive without calling them niece and nephew. Words have meaning.

I don't understand then, growing up we expect children to call one half of a couple "Aunt Larlo" and her husband Mr. Larlo or "Larlo" or whatever- for all adult married couples that are their parents siblings. That's so odd to me. I have 6 aunts, 3 are blood related, all are my aunts though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By definition, the children of your spouse's siblings are your nieces and nephews. The children of your spouse's sibling's spouse's are your nieces and nephews.

You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.

When did being inclusive become a bad thing?

No they aren't. The definition of niece and nephew are your siblings' children. Inclusive is a good thing but you can be inclusive without calling them niece and nephew. Words have meaning.

I don't agree with this last statement (except I do agree with "words have meaning," part. Well, that's hard to disagree with)

I don't think it matters what Webster's says re the definition--I haven't even looked it up. Given DCUM responses, it sounds like depending on what subculture you are in, the word "niece" has one of two meanings. So, I think this means that without further info on context, it's hard to say if OP's relative was being purposefully exclusive or not.

I will just say, though, on the face of it, it feels harsh. Even the statement, "Larla, my only niece" seems tame compared to, "Larla, my one and only niece."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By definition, the children of your spouse's siblings are your nieces and nephews. The children of your spouse's sibling's spouse's are your nieces and nephews.

You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.

When did being inclusive become a bad thing?

No they aren't. The definition of niece and nephew are your siblings' children. Inclusive is a good thing but you can be inclusive without calling them niece and nephew. Words have meaning.

According to dictionary.com, the definition is

1.
a daughter of a person's brother or sister.
2.
a daughter of a person's spouse's brother or sister.

So, yes, words do have meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By definition, the children of your spouse's siblings are your nieces and nephews. The children of your spouse's sibling's spouse's are your nieces and nephews.

You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.

When did being inclusive become a bad thing?

No they aren't. The definition of niece and nephew are your siblings' children. Inclusive is a good thing but you can be inclusive without calling them niece and nephew. Words have meaning.

According to dictionary.com, the definition is

1.
a daughter of a person's brother or sister.
2.
a daughter of a person's spouse's brother or sister.

So, yes, words do have meaning.

Webster's agrees as well:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/niece