My "one and only" niece

[Anonymous]

Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty terrible.

[Anonymous]

I guess it would depend on when the marriage took place. For example, I dearly love my aunts' husbands, but do not refer to them as uncles. I guess it's because they married when I was an adult. I also don't refer to my husband's siblings' kids as nieces and nephews because I didn't meet/marry my husband until they were in their late teens, plus we don't live nearby and I don't see them often. If my siblings had kids, which they don't yet, I'd definitely refer to them as my nieces/nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it would depend on when the marriage took place. For example, I dearly love my aunts' husbands, but do not refer to them as uncles. I guess it's because they married when I was an adult. I also don't refer to my husband's siblings' kids as nieces and nephews because I didn't meet/marry my husband until they were in their late teens, plus we don't live nearby and I don't see them often. If my siblings had kids, which they don't yet, I'd definitely refer to them as my nieces/nephews.

I think this is right. The flip side of this is that I have a niece and two nephews, none of whom I'm related too by blood - my BIL's kids, who were born after we were married.

[Anonymous]

But saying "one and only" is making it damn clear she doesn't consider the others family. She could've just said "my niece Larla". It's a distinction made to hurt people.

[Anonymous]

So only one she shares blood with is her sister's kid? Not weird.

I would feel closer to my siblings kids than others related by marriage people, I would think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

She is your uncle's wife. You are an in-law to her. You are not her niece. At best you are her "niece-in-law" and nobody uses that phrase or counts "niece-in-law" as a significant relationship.

I doubt her use of the phrase as malicious. She probably wasn't thinking about you being so fragile or easily butthurt when she said it. You need to toughen up, buttercup.

[Anonymous]

Was she telling a story in which the niece did something most people would consider "out there" in some way? She could have just been saying it as a distinction (the one! The only! My Niece!!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

She is your uncle's wife. You are an in-law to her. You are not her niece. At best you are her "niece-in-law" and nobody uses that phrase or counts "niece-in-law" as a significant relationship.

I doubt her use of the phrase as malicious. She probably wasn't thinking about you being so fragile or easily butthurt when she said it. You need to toughen up, buttercup.

I think you're probably the minority on this. Nieces/nephews by marriage are still nieces/nephews. If your sibling adopted a child, would you not count them as your niece/nephew, because you're not genetically related? That's just gross.

The distinction is really weird and bizarre. My SIL has a step-son. He's my nephew, even though he's still new to the family. But he's just as much my niece/nephew as those I've known since birth, or am related to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

She is your uncle's wife. You are an in-law to her. You are not her niece. At best you are her "niece-in-law" and nobody uses that phrase or counts "niece-in-law" as a significant relationship.

I doubt her use of the phrase as malicious. She probably wasn't thinking about you being so fragile or easily butthurt when she said it. You need to toughen up, buttercup.

I think you're probably the minority on this. Nieces/nephews by marriage are still nieces/nephews. If your sibling adopted a child, would you not count them as your niece/nephew, because you're not genetically related? That's just gross.

The distinction is really weird and bizarre. My SIL has a step-son. He's my nephew, even though he's still new to the family. But he's just as much my niece/nephew as those I've known since birth, or am related to.

NP here, but I am not my husband's uncle's niece. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

She is your uncle's wife. You are an in-law to her. You are not her niece. At best you are her "niece-in-law" and nobody uses that phrase or counts "niece-in-law" as a significant relationship.

I doubt her use of the phrase as malicious. She probably wasn't thinking about you being so fragile or easily butthurt when she said it. You need to toughen up, buttercup.

I think you're probably the minority on this. Nieces/nephews by marriage are still nieces/nephews. If your sibling adopted a child, would you not count them as your niece/nephew, because you're not genetically related? That's just gross.

The distinction is really weird and bizarre. My SIL has a step-son. He's my nephew, even though he's still new to the family. But he's just as much my niece/nephew as those I've known since birth, or am related to.

When DH and I got married, his sister's daughters were 9 and 12. They live in a different country I've only seen them on two separate occasions. And of course they are my nieces. One of them is in college and one is in high school and we're in fairly frequent contact by text, e-mail, etc (time difference makes phone hard). I adore them and I think the feeling is mutual. Of course I refer to them as my nieces!

[Anonymous]

There was this question recently.

I think it's really weird to not consider your spouses nieces/nephews, also your own.

http://dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/467872.page#6875695

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.

It is different when it is a sibling. You grew up with the sibling and shared the first two decades or so of your life with her. Seeing her have a child is different and your connection to that child is different. It just is.

[Anonymous]

I don't view my husbands nieces the same as mine by my brother. I also never grew up thinking the people married to my aunts and uncles were also my aunt a and uncles. I don't feel like this is terribly odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was this question recently.

I think it's really weird to not consider your spouses nieces/nephews, also your own.

http://dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/467872.page#6875695

I've met my husband's 4 nieces and nephews twice in our 11 year marriage. One of his brothers has met my oldest child once and hasn't met my youngest (5 years old) yet. The other brother hasn't met my children at all. Hell, I've only seen his brothers no more than 5 times total. DH's oldest niece has kids who are the same age as my kids.

I have no relationship with them and don't really consider them my own, just as I doubt they consider me their aunt.