Afraid to Let My DD Drive Herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm at an impasse with my DH. He has been teaching my DD to drive and she just took and passed her driver's test. My DH is still working with her on a few refinements before completely letting her out on her own. He has laid down some rules:

1. To and from school
2. To and from work
3. To and from sports practice
4. No friends in the car
5. No cell phone
6. No moving violations

He is ready to let her drive to school on her own. I am not willing or ready yet to let go of my control of her. I am afraid she will have an accident, be seriously injured, etc. I do not know how to handle this as I think my DD and DH are against me. Last week, in front of his brother, he told me she is ready and that I should let her drive. It pissed me off so much.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable, overprotective?

DO it in increments.

First trip it to a store a mile from t house or closer.
Next trip is a bit further...........

This is good advice. OP, I feel for you and remember feeling a lot the same when my first got his license. Particularly, since this is a busier, much more urban area than I grew up in + and drivers here are often more more aggressive and impatient. i still remember the day I ran out of excuses and finally let my son drive to school. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but his school is down a busy and unforgiving stretch of highway with exits to the 495, etc. He did fine and we went from there. At first, we restricted his driving to to and from school, the store and friends' houses. We branched out from there as he showed himself to be responsible -- going where he said he'd go and getting home on time. When he inevitably got in a fender bender (hit by another car that ran a stop sign at the mall), he called right away and handled it as he should have, including getting the name of a witness for our insurance. He's now in college and a fine driver. When he's back for the summer, I still feel best once he's gotten home for the night, but I think some worrying just goes with being a parent.

I don't think it's unreasonable to be worried and nervous about a kid driving around here and I don't think it makes you a helicopter mom.

[Anonymous]

You are super helicopter, controlling, and overbearing parent. If the truth were known the girl is probably a competent driver but with you breathing down her neck she is a nervous wreck. Stay away from her and let her drive.

[Anonymous]

Maybe drive behind her once or twice to build YOUR confidence in her skills. Otherwise just trust her and the world as we all do every time we leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe drive behind her once or twice to build YOUR confidence in her skills. Otherwise just trust her and the world as we all do every time we leave the house.

No. Just leave her alone. The state and her father say she's ready.

[Anonymous]

My mom and dad drove with me for 500 miles before I could drive by myself. And that was after driving lessons and Drivers Ed. I felt really comfortable at the wheel when I started driving by myself. I intend to do the same with my kids (although perhaps not as many miles). Might be worth thinking about that type of approach.

[Anonymous]

I understand how tough it is. My fourth and last child, age 17, got her license last month. She's driven only a few miles independently but will be driving to/from school and also an internship within a couple of weeks.

One thing we did with all of our kids was enroll them in a accident avoidance course ASAP after they earned their licenses. Here is a link to BSR: http://www.bsr-inc.com/training-courses/accident-avoidance/

I felt much more comfortable after my kids learned skills from the BSR class & knew they could deal with skids & accidents. My DD21 always tells me when she puts her skills to use even to this day.

Good luck! It will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are super helicopter, controlling, and overbearing parent. If the truth were known the girl is probably a competent driver but with you breathing down her neck she is a nervous wreck. Stay away from her and let her drive.

Really unnecessary, PP. OP's concerns sound pretty typical to those of mine and my friends. At least she's honest enough to put it out there. One wonders if you even have kids of driving age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you weren't willing to be the one to teach her, so you have no power here. Your husband's opinion is what matters.

My DH more or less forbade me to . . . and said that when I do ride with her I am to keep my "back seat driver" tendencies to myself because, and I quote, our daughter "does not need that distraction." I've driven with her twice, and each time afterward heard how I just made her nervous from DH and from her.

OP- of course its stressful when they drive off on their own. But you've got to work on your own issues. She's a young woman now and you need to start mentally preparing for her to move out and live on her own in 2 short years. Seriously- unless your DH is a complete asshole, things must be pretty bad for him to forbid you from the car with her and confront you in front of his brother (probably done so he can have his brother's support).

Get your shit together. ASAP

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think you are being overprotective. Your DH's restrictions seem reasonable for a licensed driver. She will get better and better with more practice. Your being in the car will not help her in any way, and may even be distracting, because what can you do other than yell at her if she's making a mistake? And trust me, that does not help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she passed the test then she is ready. Let her drive

Not necessarily. The test is one thing, experience is another.

Hey OP. Why don't you get her to do a few practice runs to school and back, with you as a passenger. She will learn any quirks in the route, any potential problem areas, get to know that part of the road.

Go during rush hours so she has a greater sense of the realities.

You can help her this way and reassure yourself in the process. You have a few days till school starts (I assume) then you can let her fly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think you are being overprotective. Your DH's restrictions seem reasonable for a licensed driver. She will get better and better with more practice. Your being in the car will not help her in any way, and may even be distracting, because what can you do other than yell at her if she's making a mistake? And trust me, that does not help.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she passed the test then she is ready. Let her drive

Not necessarily. The test is one thing, experience is another.

Hey OP. Why don't you get her to do a few practice runs to school and back, with you as a passenger. She will learn any quirks in the route, any potential problem areas, get to know that part of the road.

Go during rush hours so she has a greater sense of the realities.

You can help her this way and reassure yourself in the process. You have a few days till school starts (I assume) then you can let her fly.

Because it sounds like DH has already done this, a lot. It's unecessary for OP to do it again...the anxiety is OPs problem. If she passed the test, Dad says she's ready, that should be enough.

[Anonymous]

My kids aren't driving until they're 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she passed the test then she is ready. Let her drive

Not necessarily. The test is one thing, experience is another.

Hey OP. Why don't you get her to do a few practice runs to school and back, with you as a passenger. She will learn any quirks in the route, any potential problem areas, get to know that part of the road.

Go during rush hours so she has a greater sense of the realities.

You can help her this way and reassure yourself in the process. You have a few days till school starts (I assume) then you can let her fly.

Because it sounds like DH has already done this, a lot. It's unecessary for OP to do it again...the anxiety is OPs problem. If she passed the test, Dad says she's ready, that should be enough.

Oh yeah. Buck stops with the guy, fur shur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids aren't driving until they're 18.

Great plan. First time behind the wheel is when they head off to college. Awesome.