Preparing child to be home alone

[Anonymous]

Is there someone, like a neighbor, you would have her open the door for? Someone you may contact in case of an emergency.

Tell her not to open door for her friends or acknowledge she isn't even home.

There are these things you can put on your front door. They are called peepholes. You can look through them to see if you know who is there, and then decide whether you want to open the door or not. They are very useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We want to prepare our 12-YO to stay home alone for a few hours. Aside from going over: emergency and cell numbers, which neighbors to go to, not to use the stove, and not to open the door, is there anything we're forgetting?

Also, what is the current thinking on what she should say if someone comes to the door? In our neighborhood we get lots of solicitors. Is she supposed to say something like "Sorry, I can't open the door, go away" or alternatively is she supposed to pretend that an adult is there and say something like "my mom isn't available, go away"? (Our front door has a small safety-glass window that can be talked through.)

Thanks in advance for any help!

Op id try to make it LESS of a big deal than what you might think it is. Due to my ds' stubbornness, he was home alone for the first time when he was 8 (almost 9) because he refused to leave the house with me when I needed to drop DH off somewhere so he wouldn't be late. Fortunately, we'd had a few discussions about being home alone before this happened (otherwise I'd have carried him out the door when he refused to come with us), so he kind of knew what to expect.

Our rules are that he stays inside the house, doesn't open the door, and he's only allowed to get drinks or snacks that don't need to be cooked or anything. The first few times he was home alone it was for thirty minutes or less. The longest he's been home alone is about an hour and a half. He's 9, almost 10 now. By the time he's 12 I think it will be a little different, but that's because he's used to being left alone already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We want to prepare our 12-YO to stay home alone for a few hours. Aside from going over: emergency and cell numbers, which neighbors to go to, not to use the stove, and not to open the door, is there anything we're forgetting?

Also, what is the current thinking on what she should say if someone comes to the door? In our neighborhood we get lots of solicitors. Is she supposed to say something like "Sorry, I can't open the door, go away" or alternatively is she supposed to pretend that an adult is there and say something like "my mom isn't available, go away"? (Our front door has a small safety-glass window that can be talked through.)

Thanks in advance for any help!

I'd have her said "My Dad doesn't want to be disturbed".

Yes, it's sexist, but people with bad intentions are often more afraid of the presence of a male than of a female.

[Anonymous]

OP, sounds like you live in an area in which burglaries are common? Crimereports.org should give you a pretty good indication (note that they don't always have the data for all neighborhoods, but there are other similar sites out there that might).

[Anonymous]

One thing I was taught growing up was to go to the door with a phone to your ear, even if you are not on the phone. Not only does it give you the excuse "sorry, I'm on the phone" but in the remote chance someone is there for a malicious purpose, it will make them think twice. We have small glass windows next to our door now. So we just look out and talk from inside and do not open the door if it is someone we do not know.

[Anonymous]

Get a dog. If you have ever thought about one, now is the time. I started leaving my 10 yr old son home alone for an hour or so in the last year. He knows the rules (don't answer the door b/c anyone who needs to be in the house has a key, don't use the stove, oven, microwave, etc). But it's our dog that makes him feel safe since he will bark at anyone coming up the front walk. He is perfectly harmless but has a loud bark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a dog. If you have ever thought about one, now is the time. I started leaving my 10 yr old son home alone for an hour or so in the last year. He knows the rules (don't answer the door b/c anyone who needs to be in the house has a key, don't use the stove, oven, microwave, etc). But it's our dog that makes him feel safe since he will bark at anyone coming up the front walk. He is perfectly harmless but has a loud bark.

I agree with this advice. Dogs have sensitive ears and can hear things before or that humans cannot. I tell my kids. To keep doors locked and don't open it to anyone. I only schedule work people when I am working from home or off. The dog mostly sits in a window seat, where he has a bed, and barks at all the comings and goings on the street, which is good. Once the door is open, however, he is a marsh mellow and not territorial. But, from the outside strangers only hear the barking which hopefully serves as a deterrent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Is there someone, like a neighbor, you would have her open the door for? Someone you may contact in case of an emergency.

Tell her not to open door for her friends or acknowledge she isn't even home.

There are these things you can put on your front door. They are called peepholes. You can look through them to see if you know who is there, and then decide whether you want to open the door or not. They are very useful.

There are these things call cell phones. Everyone has them, even many kids. Everyone calls before they arrive now, and the only unannounced knocks are from solicitations etc. maybe maybe you might get a neighborhood kid, but your child should not be having kids over with no parents over either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a dog. If you have ever thought about one, now is the time. I started leaving my 10 yr old son home alone for an hour or so in the last year. He knows the rules (don't answer the door b/c anyone who needs to be in the house has a key, don't use the stove, oven, microwave, etc). But it's our dog that makes him feel safe since he will bark at anyone coming up the front walk. He is perfectly harmless but has a loud bark.

A dog is great we want one when kids old enough to be home alone after school. But we have alarm too, they don't know code. Turn it on when they leave and if anyone enters or leaves when they shouldn't, the alarm goes off. Kid doesn't know code b/c a criminal could fool them like the pregnant wife pp before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is there someone, like a neighbor, you would have her open the door for? Someone you may contact in case of an emergency.

Tell her not to open door for her friends or acknowledge she isn't even home.

There are these things you can put on your front door. They are called peepholes. You can look through them to see if you know who is there, and then decide whether you want to open the door or not. They are very useful.

There are these things call cell phones. Everyone has them, even many kids. Everyone calls before they arrive now, and the only unannounced knocks are from solicitations etc. maybe maybe you might get a neighborhood kid, but your child should not be having kids over with no parents over either.

There are also these things called glass windows, many of which flank front doors. People waiting at a front foot can often see in these windows and can tell if there's a child alone at the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is there someone, like a neighbor, you would have her open the door for? Someone you may contact in case of an emergency.

Tell her not to open door for her friends or acknowledge she isn't even home.

There are these things you can put on your front door. They are called peepholes. You can look through them to see if you know who is there, and then decide whether you want to open the door or not. They are very useful.

There are these things call cell phones. Everyone has them, even many kids. Everyone calls before they arrive now, and the only unannounced knocks are from solicitations etc. maybe maybe you might get a neighborhood kid, but your child should not be having kids over with no parents over either.

There are also these things called glass windows, many of which flank front doors. People waiting at a front foot can often see in these windows and can tell if there's a child alone at the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is there someone, like a neighbor, you would have her open the door for? Someone you may contact in case of an emergency.

Tell her not to open door for her friends or acknowledge she isn't even home.

There are these things you can put on your front door. They are called peepholes. You can look through them to see if you know who is there, and then decide whether you want to open the door or not. They are very useful.

There are these things call cell phones. Everyone has them, even many kids. Everyone calls before they arrive now, and the only unannounced knocks are from solicitations etc. maybe maybe you might get a neighborhood kid, but your child should not be having kids over with no parents over either.

There are also these things called glass windows, many of which flank front doors. People waiting at a front foot can often see in these windows and can tell if there's a child alone at the door.

So... You recommend they answer the door rather than let solicitors think your child is rude?

[Anonymous]

Agree that it's odd that you've never left her alone before. Is there a reason for that?

Don't hype it up or make it a big deal. The rules: If someone knocks at the door she is not to answer it. She is only to answer the phone if you (and certain other people) call. She is not to go outside. Just hang out until you get home.

I am assuming of course that she already knows not to cook on the stove, use sharp knives, stick forks in electrical outlets, get into the alcohol cabinet, light a fire in the fireplace, play with matches etc.

[Anonymous]

Definitely do trial runs. Grocery store, gas station, a movie.
Write down the phone numbers and contacts. Don't expect her to remember them when her emotions are heightened. Make sure she knows where the phones are and that they are charged.

Give her some things she can do. Fun things, chore things, things she needs to do anyway. Let her know if it's ok for her to contact you if she gets lonely/scared. I'm guessing there's a reason you're just now doing this at age 12. My child was slow to want to be left by herself because she didn't want to be alone. Tell her how to answer the phone without saying she's home alone, or tell her she's only to answer it if it comes from a recognized number and if it turns out to be someone she doesn't know, what she should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her not to take a shower while you're out. Most home injuries happen in the kitchen and bathroom.

Agree with others about not answering the door. Also, when my now 12 yr old began staying home alone I always have her things to get done while I was gone.

And, no cooking on the stove!

Does she know where the main water shut off valve is? Or, how to stop an overflowing toilet? I began babysitting at 12 and my parents made me learn these two things...