Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids

[Anonymous]

So other people really thing that if your 4 year old throws a fork at you and hits you during dinner it's conversation-worthy if you grab the fork and throw it on the floor? I don't understand this school of parenting where you are never allowed to display any authentic negative emotion to your child. I have a 4 year old and if she threw a fork at me and hit me, I imagine the following sequence: grabbing the fork and throwing on the floor (that seems pretty instinctual), saying in a very loud and stern voice "What are you doing, no throwing!" and then picking her up out of her chair and carrying her up to her bed for a timeout. And I tend to be on the more mellow/permissive side of parenting, but you can't throw forks at people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD threw her fork on the floor. DS picked it up and fired it at DH, hitting him in the hand. DH was exasperated and slammed his fork on the rug under the kitchen table. I told him that was unacceptable in front of the kids, but he thinks I was off base in calling him out in front of the kids. I think if I had not said anything, then the kids would think this is ok. A very young child cannot always distinguish the nuances of throwing a fork at the ground vs at someone. Thoughts?

So 3 people threw a fork within a matter of seconds and only 1 got reprimanded? What is that illustrating?

[Anonymous]

I think mom should have thrown the fork too, and then everyone gets the punishment.

realistically, anything you do in this scenario is for the 4yo's benefit. So everyone who throws a fork should get the same punishment the 4yo would get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you call the kids out for their behavior? Is what they did acceptable?
IMO, you discipline your kids for what they did NOW (seriously, throwing forks?!) and discuss DH's reaction later, in private. Your DH is totally right

This 1000 times.

This. Always have those talks calmly and in private with dh

[Anonymous]

So, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree!

[Anonymous]

Tit for tat.

Respectful comment to the husband, but do not be silent about it, is my opinion.

I get exasperated and do stupid things in the heat of the moment. I told my husband he shouldn't feel the need to keep his opinion bottled up, and in fact it'd probably be good for me to hear a respected outsider say something (not in an undermining way, just in a "hey, hon, c'mon now" ought to do it). Then when I calm down I know to say I'm sorry to the kids and spouse.

I think it's fine. Check in with him. Acknowledge that no one is a perfect parent all of the time, and we could all use a reminder now and then that comes from a good place.

[Anonymous]

Could you have possibly said nothing at all, OP. Clearly this was between your son and your husband. Why didn't you let him deal with it. Let me tell you something as a single parent. There are plenty of times when I do something and regret it a millisecond later. If I had a spouse point it out in front of my kid, I'd be really hurt.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if your husband did that to you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I correct any family member in front of any family member.

We can all stand correction from time to time, and this does not undermine DH's parental authority since he makes himself as authoritative as need be when he wants to (so do I). On the contrary, giving and accepting remonstrations gracefully is a good example for the children.

You sound like that wacko, controlling Shannon Beador from RHOC. So does OP, but to a lesser extent than you. I can feel the tension in your house through the Internet.

[Anonymous]

What a gong show!! Why the hell are your 4 year old and husband throwing forks at all?
At any rate no you don't correct your husband in front of the kids.... even when he acts like one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not cool. You were in the wrong, OP. Your husband is not your child. He's your coparent and you need go treat him as such.

Throwing a fork is childish. If it's a safety issue, which throwing a pointy object is, I would probably say something. Otherwise, I give feedback in private.

[Anonymous]

No, you should never undermine him in front of them, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You undermined your DH's authoritative power. After this incident, in your kids's eyes, daddy is on the same level with them since everybody is corrected/reprimanded by Mommy, the Authoritatively Figure.
I feel for your husband. Good luck to him next time trying to discipline the kids.

Where do you get that throwing a fork is discipline?!?

If it hits tines-first, it can very effective. Most people don't use it as a disciplinary tool because it takes extensive practice. Grazing a child with the handle sends confusing, mixed messages.

[Anonymous]

So who are you going to try to correct when your child throws a fork at school OP?
Your DH didn't do anything wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I correct any family member in front of any family member.

We can all stand correction from time to time, and this does not undermine DH's parental authority since he makes himself as authoritative as need be when he wants to (so do I). On the contrary, giving and accepting remonstrations gracefully is a good example for the children.

You sound like that wacko, controlling Shannon Beador from RHOC. So does OP, but to a lesser extent than you. I can feel the tension in your house through the Internet.

I agree with the original poster here. When I get all wizzy dizzy, my husband steps in and says, "Babe, you're going wacko. I'm still calm. Do you want me to take over until they make me crazy and I yell at them?" Crap like that makes me laugh and it relieves the tension. I do the same for him. It's fine.